I must admit I hadn't heard of the term Online Dating 'Catfish' until I started to research modern methods of dating to offer women advice on the new rules of 21st century dating and relationships.
If you've never heard of a Catfish either then let me put you in the picture... and this is VERY important if you're searching for love through online dating sites, or considering joining one.
Now, I don't want to scare the living daylights out of you but I think it's my duty as an educator and a coach to make you aware of these rotten, dishonest fraudsters so you can be on the look out. Forewarned is forearmed, right?
The majority of these predators are based in Africa, mainly in Nigeria and Ghana. But when they create profiles on online dating sites and social media sites they look like white Western-looking guys just looking for love.
They often go hunting around the Net and steal other people's photos from their social media sites and invent a great profile and story that pulls their victims in.
They are VERY CLEVER and know the power of the emotional energy people put into online dating - sadly sometimes the rational part of the users brain is somehow overruled by the need to be loved, and this is where the vulnerability takes place.
Here are a few tips to help you spot the Catfish right away
Their photo seems too good to be true - almost like a model. Let's face it, if they were that good looking would they need to be looking for love online?
One very clever way to catch them out is to do a search on the website TinEye to check and see if the photo has been uploaded somewhere else online. If the photo shows up in other places then they are not genuine
No photos on their profile - on some of the online dating sites you can't register until you upload a photo - but on some you can. No photo usually means they have something so hide, so be warned.
They have a perfect life as a pilot, brain surgeon or industrialist - again use your common sense - would they be looking for love online? Maybe, but just be on your guard until you know more about them.
False social media accounts with very few friends or followers. Catfish are being very clever and set up false social media accounts so you think you're actually checking out a genuine person - but the whole thing is a SCAM, especially if they have very few friends on Facebook.
Be especially wary if they try to get you off the dating site to communicate with you by email or phone.
Most of these fraudsters will invent a hard luck story to pull at your heart strings for example, a relative needs urgent medical treatment, or they've had a car accident - then they ask you to give them money to help them out.
Asking you for money - you should NEVER part with any money and if you have any suspicions then contact the National Crime Agency or the equivalent authority in your part of the world.
Don't be drawn into their hard luck stories - they are playing on your emotional state of mind. Also pay attention if they never use your name and also call you 'Darling' or 'Baby', this is a sure sign they are also contacting other women with the same story.
By always addressing you by a pet name they're making sure they don't get mixed up, calling you by the wrong name could alert you something was amiss.
They are especially good at targeting the very vulnerable by looking for clues in their online dating profiles. Are you coming across as too desperate in your profile? Unfortunately, some women tend to pour out their heart felt pleas when looking for their soul-mate online.
You just have to take a look at some of your friends Facebook updates to get what I mean, right?If you think you're coming across as a bit vulnerable then ask a friend to take a look at your online dating profile and make sure you are not sending out the wrong messages.
As I mentioned at the beginning of this rather long article, I don't want to worry you unnecessary about online dating and I do want you to have fun... but just look out for these 'red flags' of the Catfish and enjoy the adventure!
Rene
Wednesday, February 17, 2016
Saturday, February 13, 2016
Love needs action
Love between two people has been and always will be a verb and as such is requires action. That means both parties need to make it crystal clear just how much they love one another, honestly if a person is constantly saying that they love you and no action is taking place (whether it's big or small) that is just not going to work out.
Being vulnerable can seem like somewhat of a weakness to some people but in any real relationship vulnerability is needed to strengthen the bond forged between two people. As you begin to dive into those deeper emotions you begin to find and hopefully accept each others authentic *self*.
listening is a vital part of any relationship, nobody wants to be with someone that does not listen to them. With listening comes understanding and with that problems within the relationship can be addressed and fixed (which is always good while in a relationship of course). Listening and communication go hand in hand and it should be equal so that one partner does not feel overburdened by the other. listening is love.
Relationships are all about harmony and as such only when both people are *happy* can it finally be somewhat harmonious, and even though disagreements will still pop up from time to time it will be easier for the relationship to weather them and find a peaceful resolution. If one side of the equation is feeling less than content with how things are going the balance is beginning to shift in the wrong direction. It takes two happy people to forge a happy relationship.
A person who is literally making you feel as if they have an advantage over you in the relationship will always be a bad thing. Under no circumstance should you feel neglected or feel like a maid (Picking up after your spouse constantly and alone), it hurts to be taken for granted and quite simply the person who is found doing this should be cut off because that's not love and its unlikely that such behavior will change.
When you truly find *the one* the way you perceive everyday life will change for the better, being in love with another is akin to looking at the same mountain from different angles and even though the view may change from time to time the object (love) is still just as beautiful and vast
Jamie
Being vulnerable can seem like somewhat of a weakness to some people but in any real relationship vulnerability is needed to strengthen the bond forged between two people. As you begin to dive into those deeper emotions you begin to find and hopefully accept each others authentic *self*.
listening is a vital part of any relationship, nobody wants to be with someone that does not listen to them. With listening comes understanding and with that problems within the relationship can be addressed and fixed (which is always good while in a relationship of course). Listening and communication go hand in hand and it should be equal so that one partner does not feel overburdened by the other. listening is love.
Relationships are all about harmony and as such only when both people are *happy* can it finally be somewhat harmonious, and even though disagreements will still pop up from time to time it will be easier for the relationship to weather them and find a peaceful resolution. If one side of the equation is feeling less than content with how things are going the balance is beginning to shift in the wrong direction. It takes two happy people to forge a happy relationship.
A person who is literally making you feel as if they have an advantage over you in the relationship will always be a bad thing. Under no circumstance should you feel neglected or feel like a maid (Picking up after your spouse constantly and alone), it hurts to be taken for granted and quite simply the person who is found doing this should be cut off because that's not love and its unlikely that such behavior will change.
When you truly find *the one* the way you perceive everyday life will change for the better, being in love with another is akin to looking at the same mountain from different angles and even though the view may change from time to time the object (love) is still just as beautiful and vast
Jamie
Valentine's Day can be a great time to enjoy, appreciate and celebrate your partner and relationship. Or, it can be a stressful time of trying to anticipate what your partner is looking for and eagerly trying not to disappoint. Expectations can definitely be the thing that kills the romance and excitement that can come from a great Valentine's Day celebration. So, how to you keep the heartfelt fun of the day without any of the stress? These 5 tips should help you and your partner make the most of February 14th.
1. Discuss with your partner what their perfect Valentine's Day would look like.
Statistics show us that, on average, women do have a little more invested in this day than men do. Surveys show that 25% of men and 19% of women feel that the whole day centers around women and their wants and needs. But, that doesn't mean that every woman is expecting jewelry and flowers while every man would be content to skip the day all together and just spend the evening watching television with some takeout.
The only way you're going to know what your partner wants out of your Valentine's Day together is by asking them. Try to do this at least a few weeks in advance so that you have some time to plan if you do agree to do something special. And make sure this is a discussion rather than one half of the couple dictating how you will celebrate. If you differ in your opinions, try to come to a compromise.
2. Understand why this holiday is or isn't important to your partner.
37% of women and 5% of men believe that Valentine's Day is not important to their partner. If you find that one of you is totally into Valentine's Day while the other is not, one way to resolve this issue is by really taking the time to talk about why you feel that it should or shouldn't be celebrated. Some people feel that the day is too commercial, expensive, crowded and disingenuous but still would like to have a special day out with their mate to celebrate their relationship. If this is the case with your partner, for example, you could plan to have a day out together the week before or after February 14th.
3. Talk about the budget.
When it comes to planning events together or buying gifts, there is going to be money involved and many couples get stressed out trying to match how much their partner spent on them. One quick solution to this is to just openly discuss how much you think is reasonable to spend on festivities or gestures of love during this day. Remember that there are ways to make this day special whether you set the budget at five dollars or five thousand.
4. Valentine's Day is an opportunity to treat each other well.
Valentine's Day doesn't have to involve dinners in fancy restaurants, presents and red lingerie. What it should include, whether you're "celebrating" or not, is some thought to how you can appreciate and show your love to your partner. 29% of men and 11% of women believe that it's important to have sex on Valentine's Day. Adding a little something special to your nighttime activities could be enough to reinvigorate your love and passion for each other. Or, you could just go out of your way to pay your partner some extra compliments and thank them throughout the day.
5. Remember that a relationship is much more than just the events of one day.
Even if you talk it through beforehand and set guidelines for what you want, there is still the chance that your partner won't deliver exactly what you're looking for when it comes to Valentine's Day. If this is the case for you, keep perspective that you're in your relationship for more than just having someone to celebrate this one day with (hopefully). Continue to spread love and happiness throughout all of the days of your relationship and you are sure to come out feeling appreciated and secure with your partner.
Have a great Valentine
Tokill
1. Discuss with your partner what their perfect Valentine's Day would look like.
Statistics show us that, on average, women do have a little more invested in this day than men do. Surveys show that 25% of men and 19% of women feel that the whole day centers around women and their wants and needs. But, that doesn't mean that every woman is expecting jewelry and flowers while every man would be content to skip the day all together and just spend the evening watching television with some takeout.
The only way you're going to know what your partner wants out of your Valentine's Day together is by asking them. Try to do this at least a few weeks in advance so that you have some time to plan if you do agree to do something special. And make sure this is a discussion rather than one half of the couple dictating how you will celebrate. If you differ in your opinions, try to come to a compromise.
2. Understand why this holiday is or isn't important to your partner.
37% of women and 5% of men believe that Valentine's Day is not important to their partner. If you find that one of you is totally into Valentine's Day while the other is not, one way to resolve this issue is by really taking the time to talk about why you feel that it should or shouldn't be celebrated. Some people feel that the day is too commercial, expensive, crowded and disingenuous but still would like to have a special day out with their mate to celebrate their relationship. If this is the case with your partner, for example, you could plan to have a day out together the week before or after February 14th.
3. Talk about the budget.
When it comes to planning events together or buying gifts, there is going to be money involved and many couples get stressed out trying to match how much their partner spent on them. One quick solution to this is to just openly discuss how much you think is reasonable to spend on festivities or gestures of love during this day. Remember that there are ways to make this day special whether you set the budget at five dollars or five thousand.
4. Valentine's Day is an opportunity to treat each other well.
Valentine's Day doesn't have to involve dinners in fancy restaurants, presents and red lingerie. What it should include, whether you're "celebrating" or not, is some thought to how you can appreciate and show your love to your partner. 29% of men and 11% of women believe that it's important to have sex on Valentine's Day. Adding a little something special to your nighttime activities could be enough to reinvigorate your love and passion for each other. Or, you could just go out of your way to pay your partner some extra compliments and thank them throughout the day.
5. Remember that a relationship is much more than just the events of one day.
Even if you talk it through beforehand and set guidelines for what you want, there is still the chance that your partner won't deliver exactly what you're looking for when it comes to Valentine's Day. If this is the case for you, keep perspective that you're in your relationship for more than just having someone to celebrate this one day with (hopefully). Continue to spread love and happiness throughout all of the days of your relationship and you are sure to come out feeling appreciated and secure with your partner.
Have a great Valentine
Tokill
Valentine
Oh, you thought I meant his/her happiness? As in making your honey happy with cards and flowers or wearing that sexy lingerie or going to that incredible restaurant? Not! All that's very nice, however, you being happy is the best Valentine's Day gift.
Because let's think about it: what are you like when you're happy? For one you're not complaining about every little thing. You're not seeing problems and hassles everywhere. And you're certainly not blaming anyone for anything, especially not your honey. And whining? When you're happy, you're "fuggetaboutit."
When you're happy, you're a joy to be around. Not only that, you are more appreciative and grateful of your world, your life-and your sweetheart. Because happiness does that. Just like when you're depressed all you can see around you are more reasons to be depressed, when you're happy all you can see around you are more reasons to be happy.
When you're happy, you look at your sweetheart with happy eyes. You see only his/her wonderfulness, those qualities that you fell in love with in the first place. You think about how much you enjoy being together, the deliciousness of your life together. You are naturally more cooperative, affectionate, enthusiastic.
Could anyone ask for a better Valentine's Day gift than that?
So, just for one day, kick your happiness into high gear. Deliberately refrain from voicing any complaint, from blaming your partner for anything, from nagging, whining, silent treatment-ing, stone-walling, and whatever else is on your list of subtle and not-so-subtle ways of expressing your unhappiness with some aspect of your honey's behavior.
Indulge yourself in great appreciation for all that your sweetheart is and does. Do it loudly, with word and caress. Voice your appreciation to others, right in front of him/her. Declare your delight proudly.
I guarantee it will be a phenomenal Valentine's Day, and that any tangible gift you offer in addition will fairly glow with your unequivocal appreciation.
If you want to extend your amazing day of Valentine's happiness, just continue the process. Not that you must forever "hold your peace" in terms of complaints and the like, but that you think first. That you put yourself in a "let's find a solution" frame of mind, rather than a whiney, nagging, blaming frame of mind.
Friends and family don't need to be left out of the Valentine's happiness. On the contrary, the happier you are around those you care about, the happier they become. Happiness is contagious-as research has demonstrated. Happiness feels wonderful to all concerned, you and them.
Just to be clear, happiness isn't a matter of plastering a smile on your face. It's finding reasons to smile, legitimate reasons, all through your day.
The easiest way to do that is to look for things that you appreciate, things you value and are grateful for. For me it's as easy as appreciating that I am safe and dry in the midst of bad weather; appreciating a dear friend's kind words; remembering the feel of my sweetheart's hand in mine when he's not around. Appreciating the computer that allows me to write these words. The ideas that come, and people to share them with. There is so much, in the space of but one minute, that can be appreciated.
Happiness truly is the best Valentine's Day gift ever--to yourself, your honey and everyone else
Noelle C. Nelson
Because let's think about it: what are you like when you're happy? For one you're not complaining about every little thing. You're not seeing problems and hassles everywhere. And you're certainly not blaming anyone for anything, especially not your honey. And whining? When you're happy, you're "fuggetaboutit."
When you're happy, you're a joy to be around. Not only that, you are more appreciative and grateful of your world, your life-and your sweetheart. Because happiness does that. Just like when you're depressed all you can see around you are more reasons to be depressed, when you're happy all you can see around you are more reasons to be happy.
When you're happy, you look at your sweetheart with happy eyes. You see only his/her wonderfulness, those qualities that you fell in love with in the first place. You think about how much you enjoy being together, the deliciousness of your life together. You are naturally more cooperative, affectionate, enthusiastic.
Could anyone ask for a better Valentine's Day gift than that?
So, just for one day, kick your happiness into high gear. Deliberately refrain from voicing any complaint, from blaming your partner for anything, from nagging, whining, silent treatment-ing, stone-walling, and whatever else is on your list of subtle and not-so-subtle ways of expressing your unhappiness with some aspect of your honey's behavior.
Indulge yourself in great appreciation for all that your sweetheart is and does. Do it loudly, with word and caress. Voice your appreciation to others, right in front of him/her. Declare your delight proudly.
I guarantee it will be a phenomenal Valentine's Day, and that any tangible gift you offer in addition will fairly glow with your unequivocal appreciation.
If you want to extend your amazing day of Valentine's happiness, just continue the process. Not that you must forever "hold your peace" in terms of complaints and the like, but that you think first. That you put yourself in a "let's find a solution" frame of mind, rather than a whiney, nagging, blaming frame of mind.
Friends and family don't need to be left out of the Valentine's happiness. On the contrary, the happier you are around those you care about, the happier they become. Happiness is contagious-as research has demonstrated. Happiness feels wonderful to all concerned, you and them.
Just to be clear, happiness isn't a matter of plastering a smile on your face. It's finding reasons to smile, legitimate reasons, all through your day.
The easiest way to do that is to look for things that you appreciate, things you value and are grateful for. For me it's as easy as appreciating that I am safe and dry in the midst of bad weather; appreciating a dear friend's kind words; remembering the feel of my sweetheart's hand in mine when he's not around. Appreciating the computer that allows me to write these words. The ideas that come, and people to share them with. There is so much, in the space of but one minute, that can be appreciated.
Happiness truly is the best Valentine's Day gift ever--to yourself, your honey and everyone else
Noelle C. Nelson
Monday, August 23, 2010
How To Make A Girl Fall In Love With You
etting a girl of your dreams is much like getting the car of your dream. But unlike a car which you can always bargain for, there is nothing like a 20 percent discount in courting the girl of your dreams, she's so sweet a thing to be discounted, you dearly are in love with her and your feelings for her can only be communicated not by the words of the mouth, but by the words of the heart. Getting the girl actually depends on how big your heart is - faint heart, never won fair lady.
The first step in the heart-winning exercise for any man is to make a good impression. In your doing so, you don't have to talk, dress or do the common things that all the Toms do to get a decent girl's attention. Be unique, that's all you need. Be a man of his own style. Dress decently - indecency can make one be mistaken for arrogance; watch your language - obscene language gives the impression of immaturity, being uncultured and cheap; be a man of good habits - don't drink or smoke like any other loser.
Let her fall in love gradually. Romance is an important part of falling in love. When in College I had a crush on the most beautiful lady in our first year lot. Though all senior guys were out to get that girl, I managed to divert her attention from the other guys. I wrote her three letters without disclosing my identity and slid into her room secretly; all I said was 'Yours Secret Admirer.' The first letter contained the meaning of her name, this I got by playing around with the initials of her name to make meaning. The second was a funny message that could only be read backwards and it was all about her physique and her smartness. In the third letter I told the girl to be ready to receive a rose flower from her admirer, but only if she could be kind enough to phone him using a number that I had included in the letter. The girl did phone me that very night, and her first words to me were, "Hallo Secret Admirer." So, the story of our love affair came to be. Later she told me that was so creative of me, no one had approached her in that manner. I made her fall in love with me in the romantic manner.
Befriending and understanding the girl you are out to get is the next important thing. This is what I also did. You have to understand that as a lady, she loves to be loved, adores to be adored and needs to be needed. This will move you closer to the girl and you'll get to know what she's into, what she likes and dislikes, and what her style is. Love is built upon friendship and it always leaves individuals better off having known each other should they break up. I and my College steady were to break some time later but to date, we are the best of buddies. Be sure that bringing out the selflessness friend in you will make her create room for you in her heart.
A shoulder to lean on and some good friend that she can always turn to is all that a lady wants. Please don't hesitate to be helpful and supportive. Be that friend who rekindles her zeal of hardworking and restoring hope back into her life when she looses hope. This above all other things will make you her daily vitamin simply because you bring out the best in her in terms of personality and character. In you, she'll have found that friend whom she can open up to, share with and advice each other on the rights and wrongs, the dos and don'ts of life. Don't forget to always be there to celebrate the good times, and to lend an ear when the girl needs you to listen as a friend.
Make the girl feel special; because she's someone's friend - your friend, and let her know that she too has touched your life in a unique way like no one else could. Compliment her for her company and for being there when you needed her, when you felt sad and all alone. Show appreciations for the comfort the girl offers you and for making you smile.
In your day to day talks, share your dreams, your world, and every aspect of your life with your girl. Always dream with her, build with her, and always cheer her on and encourage her. Tell your girl how you always think about her even when you try not to think about her. Let the girl know that she's your first thing in the morning and the last thing when you go to bed at night.
Her knowing that you were thinking of her when you slipped beneath the softness of your blanket and gave in to the bliss of sweet dreams, will make her go 'my my' and her heart will sing your name all the year round.
You have to be creative and constructive to keep girl's interest in you so full of life. I remember one time I told my girlfriend to be to imagine we are both deaf and dump. We then sat opposite each other on the table and started sharing our feelings for each other using eyes and hand signs. It turned out to be some fun. There was also this time that we were in the library and we decided we are not going to speak to each other verbal, so I wrote a love note on a paper and passed it across the table to her, she replied and on and on we carried on our love on paper conversation till we almost exhausted a whole rim of paper. At sometime, I noticed that some guys sited with us on the table were enjoying our ordeal than their studies. Such are the things that made the girl embrace my world. I remember her suggesting that we play deaf and dump two years after we broke up, can you imagine that?
Never fail to phone her, even when she least expects it. I once called some girl that I was interested in at four o'clock in the morning. When inquiring of what I was doing up so early, I told her I was in thirteenth heaven, where people think of their loved ones when they can't sleep. Wow! First thing early the next morning, she was at my door with a king-sized hug for me.
No matter how many dates you take her, don't make any elbow - exceeding moves after any date, just drop her home and with a friendly handshake, wish her good night. Don't kiss her when she expects you to. Your respect as a gentleman will be earned on how patient you are with her when it comes to such matters as kissing her and accessing her inner graces.
The writing is on the wall that you want her, but you can't have her just yet. Increase your demand. Try to show her that men are also hard to get at times. Make her realize that when she feels a little dizzy, a little tired, a little sad, a little sick, a lot bored and very much cold, she's actually missing vitamin you. By this time, she'll be so much into you and since love is truthful and is characterized by open and honest communication, honestly promise her your everlasting devotion, loyalty, respect, and your unconditional love for a lifetime. Prove to her that you'll always be there for her, to listen and to hold her hand, and that you'll always do your best to make her happy, and feel loved.
Remember, patience is the key to her heart; be like that gardener watching a fruit as it hangs on the tree, day after day admiring it, but, exercising tremendous self-discipline, neither feeling the fruit, nor pinching it, nor testing it to see if it is ready. And then, one day he holds out his hand and the fruit simply drops into it, ripe, warm and eager to be eaten.
The patience and self-control which you practice will make you more attractive and charming. This will qualify you as her daily vitamin and win you that heart hers.
I wish you to meet the girl of your dreams ASAP, make her fall in love with you, and make her feel the happiest girl in the world!
Vlad Karl
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