When I worked in the old Bell System, Mother's Day was our largest day of toll revenue (long distance calls). We decided to try to enhance it even more and hired Alabama's legendary coach, Paul "Bear" Bryant to do a commercial for Mother's Day.
He was seated in his office in his crimson sweater to film a commercial that would become legendary. He was supposed to end in that old gravelly voice of his, "Have you called yo mama lately?" He did, but then he paused and went a bit off script. He looked far away as if to Heaven, and wistfully thought out loud, "I sure wish I could."
The old Bell System network could barely handle all the calls home to "mama" after the commercial aired. We had never seen anything like it. Lewis Grizzard wrote about it, and men made speeches about it.
Memories of that commercial made me think of my departed mother and a special Mother's Day, how I wish I could call her, and what I would say if she asked, "Son, I hear you say you want to serve Christ, but if they arrested you for being a Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict you?"
Many years ago, my mother rode the bus from her home near Tupelo, Miss. to visit me in Georgia. My 5-foot-3-inch, gray-haired little tornado had a layover in Atlanta. The neighborhood near the bus station had fallen on hard times, and a few unsavory characters lurked nearby. Mother's eyes fell upon a young girl of about 12 or 13 sitting across the station alone. Her eyes darted to and fro. She looked scared, and she had runaway written in the strain of her young face.
A stereotypical pimp suddenly appeared and began to circle the girl like a vulture. They trolled such places for runaways who were desperate and vulnerable, fresh recruits for the mean streets of the inner city. The 6-foot-4 predator began to talk to the girl. "Are you hungry baby? I'll feed you. Do you need a place to stay tonight? I'll put you up at my place." And, of course, the rest of the story is all too familiar. The girl would be out on the streets and likely dead by her 20s from street violence, drug overdose or AIDS.
My petite Mom looked around and everyone's eyes were averted, looking at the floor. No one wanted to get involved, the curse of our times. Mother stood up, marched defiantly to the girl, forced herself between the towering pimp and the scared little rabbit, and said, "C'mon honey, you are going to sit with me!" Then she gave the pimp "The Look." It was the look my brother and I avoided like the plague growing up. It was like looking down Dirty Harry's .44 magnum and hearing him say, "Go ahead, make my day!" He withered under her glare, and Mother robbed him of his prey. She took the young girl with her, and they talked. Mother bought her a bus ticket home to Louisiana.
That little girl will never know who that angel was who came into her life and saved her. There were no crowds applauding, no plaques to be given out. Mother was alone with her conscience and her God and displayed what real character is all about: doing the right thing when no one is watching.
On Mother's Day in 2003 as I came home, I thought of that day in Atlanta and many others like it where Mother modeled the code she lived by. Mother had fallen on Christmas Eve while going to work at age 84. She remained a personal care giver for the elderly and the terminally ill and would still today had her own strong body not finally betrayed her unbreakable spirit and will. She suffered a cerebral hemorrhage, and we spent Christmas and New Year's in the hospital trying to relieve the damage to her precious hard head we credited with her survival.
She began to recover from her fall and was determined to show her mettle, the stuff that strong women of her generation seemed to have in abundance. She called just before Mother's Day and said something was wrong, and we were soon to find out why she really fell and what they had missed at Christmas.
Mother and I went to the doctors prepared. We arrived with a detailed list of symptoms and pertinent data to enable him to see this patient, not as an old lady to be dismissed with the usual prescription for painkillers, but a person suffering from a serious ailment.
The young doctor was not jaded and was very aggressive and after some x-rays, he told us that he thought Mother's cancer had returned. It had been 16 years since her mastectomy, but he felt that was it was cancer based on the pictures. Something about that word, cancer, that implies something evil and invasive, not like a failing heart or liver, but something dark and sinister.
The test confirmed the worst: stage 4, inoperable. We made the rounds of the specialists, drawing fluid from her chest, listening to the pros and cons, and finally enough was enough, and we opted for the hospice program. I agreed to stay with Mother as her primary care-giver, and it was the most difficult, trying thing I have ever done. The time with her was also a gift from God.
I would like to say that Mother imparted great wisdom and insights to me, but she had already done that through her many examples of courage and character like the time in Atlanta. The 11 weeks I spent with her did yield precious memories of days gone by, people gone but not forgotten, a sense of who the people I came from really were and priceless moments saying nothing more than "that peach tasted delicious," or "that back rub was wonderful," and "I love you, son."
Just before the end, it seemed the animals of the forests began to gather round her house on the edge of her ancient forest. The birds she fed came in an abundance of colors, songbirds sang at our windows and peered in at the woman who cared for them. Rabbits munched on her daylilies at our front door and refused to run away when approached. Even a pair of elusive fox came up at dusk as the Whippoorwill's call echoed through the hollows of Temple Grove.
Mother looked at me, and said, "Son, do you hear the birds singing?" "Yes, I do," I answered. "No," she said, as she clutched her Bible, "I mean the one who answered me during my prayers?" Not long after that, Mother was gone, her pain relieved, and with a look on her face that suggested she knew something that we did not, but one day would.
Have you called your Mama lately?
Merle Temple
Friday, September 4, 2009
Great Relationship Advice For Building a Strong Foundation
You've found your perfect partner and you want to find ways so you don't mess it up. Looking for tips at this stage is a great sign. For a fresh new relationship, getting advice on how to build a solid foundation will have a massive impact on your future together.
Be Your Real Self
Spending the initial months acting as someone your not is a complete waste of time, as in reality your partner won't know the real you. At the beginning of your relationship you should take it slowly. One of the fastest ways to kill a budding relationship is to jump into bed too soon or live like you're attached at the hip. No matter how crazy you are about each other, try not to spend every waking minute together. Take some timeout to spend with your friends and yourself. This will create some mystery and will help to keep your feet on the ground.
Maintain a friendship
Ultimately, friendship is the foundation of any happy, long-term relationship. Friendship will help to get you over the bumps in the road. Usually once we have been around another person for awhile we tend to take them for granted and nitpick their behavior. Don't fall into that trap. Even when you disagree, you need to treat your partner the same respect you'd show any other close friend.
Handle Conflict
While it may not be very comfortable, conflict is not only inevitable, it's also an opportunity for growth. Handling disagreements in a new way could reveal better ways of doing things.
The trick is not to let irritations build up. If something your partner does seriously bothers you, bring it up with kindness and gentleness. If may be easier to solve than you expect. Letting issues brew is a recipe for disaster. Learning new techniques and skills in communication is really important to keep your new relationship moving forward.
Learn new skills to make your relationship work
If you've found your true love. You should look at resources that teach you new skills that will allow you to have a successful partnership. Sure, no two relationships are the same, but the ones that last do have certain things in common.
Starting a new relationship isn't always easy but by starting off with the right tools it will enable you to build a strong base on which long term commitment depends on. The right advice at the beginning of your relationship will start you off on the path to success.
Tracey Todd
Be Your Real Self
Spending the initial months acting as someone your not is a complete waste of time, as in reality your partner won't know the real you. At the beginning of your relationship you should take it slowly. One of the fastest ways to kill a budding relationship is to jump into bed too soon or live like you're attached at the hip. No matter how crazy you are about each other, try not to spend every waking minute together. Take some timeout to spend with your friends and yourself. This will create some mystery and will help to keep your feet on the ground.
Maintain a friendship
Ultimately, friendship is the foundation of any happy, long-term relationship. Friendship will help to get you over the bumps in the road. Usually once we have been around another person for awhile we tend to take them for granted and nitpick their behavior. Don't fall into that trap. Even when you disagree, you need to treat your partner the same respect you'd show any other close friend.
Handle Conflict
While it may not be very comfortable, conflict is not only inevitable, it's also an opportunity for growth. Handling disagreements in a new way could reveal better ways of doing things.
The trick is not to let irritations build up. If something your partner does seriously bothers you, bring it up with kindness and gentleness. If may be easier to solve than you expect. Letting issues brew is a recipe for disaster. Learning new techniques and skills in communication is really important to keep your new relationship moving forward.
Learn new skills to make your relationship work
If you've found your true love. You should look at resources that teach you new skills that will allow you to have a successful partnership. Sure, no two relationships are the same, but the ones that last do have certain things in common.
Starting a new relationship isn't always easy but by starting off with the right tools it will enable you to build a strong base on which long term commitment depends on. The right advice at the beginning of your relationship will start you off on the path to success.
Tracey Todd
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Falling in Love With Your Best Friend? Can Friends Be Lovers?
What should you do if you find yourself falling in love with your best friend? Can a platonic friendship turn into a love relationship? Would you like some advice on how to make that guy your boyfriend? Following are some good bits of information to keep in mind if you suddenly find yourself in love with your best friend.
Slowly but noticeably change your relationship. You don't want to start throwing out romantic innuendoes right away, but you could become more involved with him and his activities. Let him see that you are attempting to spend more of your free time with him and that you really enjoy his company. He will get used to you being around for all of his good times also, and will realize that he misses you if you're not.
Make a conscious effort at this point to distance yourself from being one of the guys. Although that is how it's always been, you will need to change this if you are now falling in love with your best friend. You want him to look at you differently and this will be slightly awkward in the beginning, but worth it. Once again, you'll have to move gradually so as not to leave him shaking his head in disbelief as though he has no idea who you are anymore. He will begin to fall in line with your actions without even realizing it.
Now is the time to start flirting with him. This will also be a little awkward, but it will definitely be worth the effort. Practice subtlety as you do not want to scare him away with changes that may be too drastic. Add a little sensuality to your wardrobe and try to touch him for no reason at all. You can believe that he will notice and will be flattered as long as you don't go overboard.
Falling in love with your best friend can be a fabulous beginning. You already know each other's likes and dislikes, each other's temperament, and are reassured that you can always count on each other. The advantages are many, so follow this advice and you will get what you are hoping for.
Tina Jones
Slowly but noticeably change your relationship. You don't want to start throwing out romantic innuendoes right away, but you could become more involved with him and his activities. Let him see that you are attempting to spend more of your free time with him and that you really enjoy his company. He will get used to you being around for all of his good times also, and will realize that he misses you if you're not.
Make a conscious effort at this point to distance yourself from being one of the guys. Although that is how it's always been, you will need to change this if you are now falling in love with your best friend. You want him to look at you differently and this will be slightly awkward in the beginning, but worth it. Once again, you'll have to move gradually so as not to leave him shaking his head in disbelief as though he has no idea who you are anymore. He will begin to fall in line with your actions without even realizing it.
Now is the time to start flirting with him. This will also be a little awkward, but it will definitely be worth the effort. Practice subtlety as you do not want to scare him away with changes that may be too drastic. Add a little sensuality to your wardrobe and try to touch him for no reason at all. You can believe that he will notice and will be flattered as long as you don't go overboard.
Falling in love with your best friend can be a fabulous beginning. You already know each other's likes and dislikes, each other's temperament, and are reassured that you can always count on each other. The advantages are many, so follow this advice and you will get what you are hoping for.
Tina Jones
Is it Lust Or Love? Find Out How to Capture a Guy's Heart
Are you hoping to capture a guy's heart at long last? Are there really things that you can do to make him fall in love? Do you want to be more than his latest date? All you need to do to change how he thinks about you is to follow this surefire advice on how to capture a guy's heart and make him fall madly in love!
Connect With His Mind
You need to have brain sex with your guy long before you actually sleep with him. Stimulate his mind, find out what he's made of. Talk to him, build up a genuine friendship. Find out what you have in common and start to do these things together as a couple, or maybe within a group of friends. If he likes a certain author, read a couple of that author's books and discuss them with him. Let him know there's more to you than just a pretty face.
Build Respect For Each Other
Leading on from connecting with his mind, start to build a healthy respect for one another's views and opinions. Find something about him that you truly admire and let him know it! Ask for his opinion on important issues in your life and let him offer you guidance even if you think you know it all anyway. There is always something more to learn.
Abstain From Sex
For the short term at least, keep your relationship non-sexual. Flirt with the guy, let him know you find him sexually attractive, just don't go all the way too soon. Your relationship will be stronger for it in the long run. If you're not having sex, you'll be sure that it's love, not lust, that helped you to capture this guy's heart.
Tina L jones
Connect With His Mind
You need to have brain sex with your guy long before you actually sleep with him. Stimulate his mind, find out what he's made of. Talk to him, build up a genuine friendship. Find out what you have in common and start to do these things together as a couple, or maybe within a group of friends. If he likes a certain author, read a couple of that author's books and discuss them with him. Let him know there's more to you than just a pretty face.
Build Respect For Each Other
Leading on from connecting with his mind, start to build a healthy respect for one another's views and opinions. Find something about him that you truly admire and let him know it! Ask for his opinion on important issues in your life and let him offer you guidance even if you think you know it all anyway. There is always something more to learn.
Abstain From Sex
For the short term at least, keep your relationship non-sexual. Flirt with the guy, let him know you find him sexually attractive, just don't go all the way too soon. Your relationship will be stronger for it in the long run. If you're not having sex, you'll be sure that it's love, not lust, that helped you to capture this guy's heart.
Tina L jones
How to Resolve Communication Problems in Relationships and Marriage
Communication problems in relationships and marriage can crop up at any time. No matter how in love you both are, miscommunication can happen.
Male Vs Female Logic
Neither men or women are absolutely logical. Making an effort to understand how the opposite gender looks at marriage and relationships, will help avoid many problems in them.
Active Listening
Both of you are one half of the communication problem. You may feel like you know what your partner is going to say, that you finish one another's sentences. But much is gained by hearing your partner out . You can restate what you have heard to make sure it is correct. This shows your loved one respect.
Not The Blame Game
It is best to work things out peacefully, and that means avoiding blaming one another. Focus on resolving, rather than blaming. Make sure you state your case in specifics. "You make me unhappy" gives no clue how to change the situation. "I feel upset when you look at other women's (add body part)" is more specific, and therefore more workable.
Prove It!
When you are discussing problems in relationships and marriage, make sure you can prove what you say. This relates back to specifics also: "You disrespected me in front of our friends" is too vague. Respect or disrespect is subjective, and standards differ. However, "I was embarrassed when you told Tony I wouldn't get the job" shows exactly what you mean.
Honesty With Kindness
If you don't discuss communication problems in relationships and marriage then the problems will ultimately destroy them. So talk about problems and issues as they arise, but do so kindly. If you are gentle and respectful you will find solutions.
Probably your partner doesn't want to hurt you, they want your relationship or marriage to grow and mature. They may be upset that you are unhappy but if you approach them as you would like them to approach you, then you can deal with communication problems in relationships and marriage easily and completely.
When Sara came to me with communication problems in her relationship, then this is part of the advice that I gave her. She and her partner Terry put this advice to work in their marriage, and now they tell me they are happier than ever.
Both of their children seem to be more settled too, because they have learned to actively listen to one another, and there is less shouting in their home
Elizabeth Fitz
Male Vs Female Logic
Neither men or women are absolutely logical. Making an effort to understand how the opposite gender looks at marriage and relationships, will help avoid many problems in them.
Active Listening
Both of you are one half of the communication problem. You may feel like you know what your partner is going to say, that you finish one another's sentences. But much is gained by hearing your partner out . You can restate what you have heard to make sure it is correct. This shows your loved one respect.
Not The Blame Game
It is best to work things out peacefully, and that means avoiding blaming one another. Focus on resolving, rather than blaming. Make sure you state your case in specifics. "You make me unhappy" gives no clue how to change the situation. "I feel upset when you look at other women's (add body part)" is more specific, and therefore more workable.
Prove It!
When you are discussing problems in relationships and marriage, make sure you can prove what you say. This relates back to specifics also: "You disrespected me in front of our friends" is too vague. Respect or disrespect is subjective, and standards differ. However, "I was embarrassed when you told Tony I wouldn't get the job" shows exactly what you mean.
Honesty With Kindness
If you don't discuss communication problems in relationships and marriage then the problems will ultimately destroy them. So talk about problems and issues as they arise, but do so kindly. If you are gentle and respectful you will find solutions.
Probably your partner doesn't want to hurt you, they want your relationship or marriage to grow and mature. They may be upset that you are unhappy but if you approach them as you would like them to approach you, then you can deal with communication problems in relationships and marriage easily and completely.
When Sara came to me with communication problems in her relationship, then this is part of the advice that I gave her. She and her partner Terry put this advice to work in their marriage, and now they tell me they are happier than ever.
Both of their children seem to be more settled too, because they have learned to actively listen to one another, and there is less shouting in their home
Elizabeth Fitz
Three Keys to Better Relationships
Do you wish you could improve your relationships with family members and friends? Who wouldn't want to do that? The good news is that it can be done. Let's take a look at three ways you can get along better with anyone.
God's Word has a lot to say about relating to others, and some of the best principles are found in James 1:19. In the New King James Version, that verse reads, "So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God."
1.) Notice first that you should be "quick to hear." That sounds easy, but you know it's not. Our society and our educational system teaches us how to express ourselves. We're taught how to get our point across. But we are not taught how to listen to other people. How often do you really listen to your loved ones and friends? If you're like me, you're too busy thinking about what you want to say. You pretend to be listening to your friend, but your mind is elsewhere. So how do you begin to really listen to the other person? Three quick suggestions. Develop a genuine interest in other people. Be curious about them. Don't be so focused on yourself all the time that you forget to be interested in what interests them. Maintain proper eye contact with the other person in the conversation. You shouldn't stare, but nor should you be looking all over the room and watching other people while your friend is talking to you. And be accepting of your friend's views. You don't have to turn every conversation into a debate. That often generates tension. You can listen to your friend's opinion without giving up your own convictions. Lighten up a bit!
2.) Notice second that the verse tells you to be "slow to speak." It's pretty hard for your friend or family member to open up to you if you are talking so much that they don't get a chance to speak. Go ahead and share your thoughts, but pause once in a while and give the other person time to speak. You may have to wait for several seconds before the other person opens up, but force yourself to wait. Silence is not your enemy in a conversation.
3.) The author of this passage of Scripture left the hardest part for last. He says you should be "slow to anger." Now, some of you have a short fuse and some of you have one that's a bit longer. Either way, getting angry in relationships never produces anything good. As James says, "the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God." I don't have some kind of magic pill to give you to help you keep from getting angry. All I can do is encourage you to pray that God would curb your anger and fill your heart with His love and compassion for people. Nothing stops communication in my home quicker than when I lose my temper and get angry. You and I will never totally conquer sinful anger in our lives. Of course, there are times when it is proper to be angry; like when you see evil being done to other people, but there is also a negative, relationship-killing anger that we must resist. I've found that cultivating a genuine love for and interest in other people helps me avoid some of the anger that I might have otherwise expressed.
Well, that is a quick summary of three principles that will help you get along better with everyone you meet. Be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger! These principles take time to apply, but it is worth the effort.
Glen Averil
God's Word has a lot to say about relating to others, and some of the best principles are found in James 1:19. In the New King James Version, that verse reads, "So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God."
1.) Notice first that you should be "quick to hear." That sounds easy, but you know it's not. Our society and our educational system teaches us how to express ourselves. We're taught how to get our point across. But we are not taught how to listen to other people. How often do you really listen to your loved ones and friends? If you're like me, you're too busy thinking about what you want to say. You pretend to be listening to your friend, but your mind is elsewhere. So how do you begin to really listen to the other person? Three quick suggestions. Develop a genuine interest in other people. Be curious about them. Don't be so focused on yourself all the time that you forget to be interested in what interests them. Maintain proper eye contact with the other person in the conversation. You shouldn't stare, but nor should you be looking all over the room and watching other people while your friend is talking to you. And be accepting of your friend's views. You don't have to turn every conversation into a debate. That often generates tension. You can listen to your friend's opinion without giving up your own convictions. Lighten up a bit!
2.) Notice second that the verse tells you to be "slow to speak." It's pretty hard for your friend or family member to open up to you if you are talking so much that they don't get a chance to speak. Go ahead and share your thoughts, but pause once in a while and give the other person time to speak. You may have to wait for several seconds before the other person opens up, but force yourself to wait. Silence is not your enemy in a conversation.
3.) The author of this passage of Scripture left the hardest part for last. He says you should be "slow to anger." Now, some of you have a short fuse and some of you have one that's a bit longer. Either way, getting angry in relationships never produces anything good. As James says, "the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God." I don't have some kind of magic pill to give you to help you keep from getting angry. All I can do is encourage you to pray that God would curb your anger and fill your heart with His love and compassion for people. Nothing stops communication in my home quicker than when I lose my temper and get angry. You and I will never totally conquer sinful anger in our lives. Of course, there are times when it is proper to be angry; like when you see evil being done to other people, but there is also a negative, relationship-killing anger that we must resist. I've found that cultivating a genuine love for and interest in other people helps me avoid some of the anger that I might have otherwise expressed.
Well, that is a quick summary of three principles that will help you get along better with everyone you meet. Be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger! These principles take time to apply, but it is worth the effort.
Glen Averil
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