Let your speech be always full of grace, seasoned with salt. ~ Colossians 4:6
Have you ever started an innocent conversation with someone only to have it disintegrate into anger or frustration? We sometimes try to pinpoint where it all went wrong; but a more useful starting point may be, "What can I do to prevent it?" Other than those lopsided encounters with someone who talks as if there's no tomorrow, most conversations include a give and take in which we alternate roles of speaker and listener. Following are "ground rules" that can be helpful in any interaction. The focus here is on the speaker role and, in particular, those talks in which you need to address an area of conflict, a sensitive topic, or something that bothers you. By "speaker role" I mean times when you have a complaint against someone as opposed to those situations when someone's pointing out a problem he has with you.
Is this really an issue?
It's amazingly easy to get caught up in drama. Before you go charging into a fray, ask yourself, "Is this important, or am I making a big deal out of nothing?" It's so tempting to convince ourselves that we're dealing with a real problem. Put it on hold for a day or two before addressing the issue. Allowing your emotions to take over is counter-productive; approach the situation as calmly as possible. By taking a long deep breath you enable yourself to be objective.
Be respectful.
Resolve to be respectful with the other person. In order for you to be effective it will help a great deal if you aren't critical. Being negative or condescending will alienate others and make it difficult for them to listen to your perspective. Rather than point out how he's wrong, focus instead on a goal. It's easy for a person to feel defensive. If he does, let him know that you simply want a new outcome.
Be direct.
Being direct is probably the most difficult of all these guidelines. Too often we tiptoe around an issue and don't say exactly what we mean. This doesn't mean you should "just be honest." We sometimes use honesty as an excuse to be mean. At the same time it's important that you get to the point. Don't make the mistake of thinking that being direct is offensive; it isn't, if your intention is one of compassion and respect. A great way to be direct is to take responsibility for your choices and thoughts. Rather than saying, "I don't think what you're doing is right," say, "I want you to stop what you've been doing." In the first statement you place the responsibility on morality - right and wrong; in the second statement you take the responsibility yourself - "This is what I want."
Stay focused.
You can get off track in thousands of ways. Regardless what the other person says, remember the reason you brought up the discussion; return to the topic anytime either of you veers off course. If the other person makes some kind of counter-argument, acknowledge it when true; but return to your original issue. Don't get caught up with tangential problems.
Be willing to listen.
Finally, sometimes it's important to change to the listener role. Learn how to ask questions, see the other person's point of view, and create a connection. Make connection your primary goal rather than resolution - communication first, solution later. Your efforts to become a better speaker and listener can create the foundation necessary for problem solving and result in deeper, richer relationships.
David Cantu
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Communication - One Key to Successful Relationships
Listening is one of the greatest priceless gifts you can give to another person. Know that how you communicate, in any relationship, will make or break that relationship.
How often have you heard about marriages or friendships breaking up because of a lack of communication--even if there was talking-or a miscommunication?
Here is your opportunity to be the expert listener so there is no miscommunication, no lack of communication nor lack of respect.
So, you are there 100% with them. You listen the way they want to be heard. And you want to ask them, "Is this something that is just between you and me or, if there is somebody else involved, is it okay for them to know about this?"
You need to 100% respect whatever they tell you. If they share a problem they are having with somebody else and they do not want you to share it with that somebody else, do not share with that somebody else.
If this is your child coming to you to talk about a problem and they don't want the other parent to know about it-don't share it with the other parent. If you want that person to trust you then give that person a reason to trust you.
Now, if they share something that happened between them and the other parent or some other person then listen first and then ask if it is okay for you to make suggestions. And especially if it is some issue between them and the other parent or some other person, let them know they cannot fix that issue by talking to you.
Remember your role in this communication is to deliver to them what is in their highest and best interest. It is all about them. It is not about you. They don't come to you to talk to you about you. They come to you to figure out what to do in their life to keep moving forward.
Now, all that said, if your child or friend did something illegal you need to be able to talk, quite frankly, about how you feel about what they did and what you feel you'd like them to do. And that doesn't mean you are going to break their confidence.
Unless your child or friend did or is planning to do something that poses a danger to themselves or to others, you need to maintain their confidence, and to be okay with it yourself. Then you want to tell them that you need to ask some questions so you understand what is going on.
The purpose here is not for you to just sit there and listen with no input (unless they asked you just listen and have not done anything illegal or anything to hurt another person or property). When well being and the law are at stake you do not sit back and watch somebody hurt themselves by doing something unlawful.
Be wise and be a full out 100% participant. Be sure your head is clear and you have no agenda in the conversation other than fulfilling the way they want you to listen to them.
Your communication patterns operate out of your awareness--on automatic, The bottom line is only you can change your life...when you are ready to do so. Knowing the programs running your subconscious mind allows you to override what does not work and replace it with programs that do work.
Ali Bierman
How often have you heard about marriages or friendships breaking up because of a lack of communication--even if there was talking-or a miscommunication?
Here is your opportunity to be the expert listener so there is no miscommunication, no lack of communication nor lack of respect.
So, you are there 100% with them. You listen the way they want to be heard. And you want to ask them, "Is this something that is just between you and me or, if there is somebody else involved, is it okay for them to know about this?"
You need to 100% respect whatever they tell you. If they share a problem they are having with somebody else and they do not want you to share it with that somebody else, do not share with that somebody else.
If this is your child coming to you to talk about a problem and they don't want the other parent to know about it-don't share it with the other parent. If you want that person to trust you then give that person a reason to trust you.
Now, if they share something that happened between them and the other parent or some other person then listen first and then ask if it is okay for you to make suggestions. And especially if it is some issue between them and the other parent or some other person, let them know they cannot fix that issue by talking to you.
Remember your role in this communication is to deliver to them what is in their highest and best interest. It is all about them. It is not about you. They don't come to you to talk to you about you. They come to you to figure out what to do in their life to keep moving forward.
Now, all that said, if your child or friend did something illegal you need to be able to talk, quite frankly, about how you feel about what they did and what you feel you'd like them to do. And that doesn't mean you are going to break their confidence.
Unless your child or friend did or is planning to do something that poses a danger to themselves or to others, you need to maintain their confidence, and to be okay with it yourself. Then you want to tell them that you need to ask some questions so you understand what is going on.
The purpose here is not for you to just sit there and listen with no input (unless they asked you just listen and have not done anything illegal or anything to hurt another person or property). When well being and the law are at stake you do not sit back and watch somebody hurt themselves by doing something unlawful.
Be wise and be a full out 100% participant. Be sure your head is clear and you have no agenda in the conversation other than fulfilling the way they want you to listen to them.
Your communication patterns operate out of your awareness--on automatic, The bottom line is only you can change your life...when you are ready to do so. Knowing the programs running your subconscious mind allows you to override what does not work and replace it with programs that do work.
Ali Bierman
Monday, August 24, 2009
A Journey to Find the Right Person
It all starts with yourself. If you really want to find your soul mate, you have to believe that your soul mate is out there, waiting for you, and therefore, you also have to work hard at finding that person. Here are some suggestions to find your soul mate.
1. Know yourself It's difficult to find the love of your life if you yourself do not understand who you really are. Many people fall into a trap. They think that their soul mate will save them from their uninteresting life. This is exactly not true. If you like to do something artistic for instance, just do it. Do not be afraid that people might perceive you as crazy. If you like it, go for it. Enjoy yourself. You have to enjoy your life. If you are pleased with your life, it will surely attract your true love.
2. Be yourself You don't have to be what others are saying in order to find your true love. You are unique! Your true love will understand you, and will absolutely be interested in who you really are. If that person doesn't, and wants you to be someone else, this person is truly not your soul mate.
3. Be Open to every possibility When you are open to every possibility, you will be ready the right one comes along. You will appreciate people for who they really are and ready to receive the unexpected.
4. Be patient You can't expect this world to follow your time schedule. Be more flexible. Be patient, and feel sure and secure that you know that your mate is somewhere out there. This person will just come when the time is right.
If you follow those steps, you will find that your life becomes easier and the journey is worth the wait.
Annie Sherwood
1. Know yourself It's difficult to find the love of your life if you yourself do not understand who you really are. Many people fall into a trap. They think that their soul mate will save them from their uninteresting life. This is exactly not true. If you like to do something artistic for instance, just do it. Do not be afraid that people might perceive you as crazy. If you like it, go for it. Enjoy yourself. You have to enjoy your life. If you are pleased with your life, it will surely attract your true love.
2. Be yourself You don't have to be what others are saying in order to find your true love. You are unique! Your true love will understand you, and will absolutely be interested in who you really are. If that person doesn't, and wants you to be someone else, this person is truly not your soul mate.
3. Be Open to every possibility When you are open to every possibility, you will be ready the right one comes along. You will appreciate people for who they really are and ready to receive the unexpected.
4. Be patient You can't expect this world to follow your time schedule. Be more flexible. Be patient, and feel sure and secure that you know that your mate is somewhere out there. This person will just come when the time is right.
If you follow those steps, you will find that your life becomes easier and the journey is worth the wait.
Annie Sherwood
Three Tips to a Healthy Love Life
Maintaining a healthy relationship is a very hard thing to do these days. There are so many things that can go wrong. Men and women are also so different that most of them have a hard time trying to see past each other's differences. Some think that taking a break from life and getting away to places such as a Kauai vacation home using Poipu vacation rentals may cure every problem they run in to but this is a very common misconception. Things like relationships need a lot of work and can't just simply be cured with a kiss or an expensive getaway.
One of the most important things to do when trying to keep a relationship going strong is to listen to one another. If one partner does all of the complaining and talking, there is obviously no room for the other to probably get any sort of word in edgewise. Both sides of the relationship need to be speaking up and voicing their problems and even their compliments. Each person needs to carry his or her own weight in this coexistence. If one side had more say and never listened to the other person's, there would be a crack that would only get bigger and bigger. This would eventually destroy the relationship to the extent that both parties would be crushed and would take a while to recover.
Another main thing to pay attention to is consideration. In a relationship, there needs to be respect on either side for one another. One partner should never abuse or hurt the other in any way, shape, or form. This rule goes for both physically and mentally. Many people believe that abuse can solely come from physical beatings. This assumption, however, is incorrect. Actually, many abusive relationships come from the words and comments uttered by a partner. The person in the relationship loves and cares for this partner so much that they listen and believe in their heart that what their partner says goes. The abusiveness comes about when the admired partner starts taking this admiration for granted and using it to their advantage by putting the other one down.
The final and most important thing to have in a relationship is trust. Trust is, hands down, the strongest thing in a relationship and will be the thing that keeps married couples together until they part from the earth. Without trust, there is no relationship because you will never be able to fully put your heart in the other's hands. If one partner knows that their equal had full trust in them and they trusted them completely, there would be no fights because each would believe that the other was always doing what is in the best's interest. This creates an overwhelming sense of comfort and admiration. From these sprout the stems of love that keep growing into eternal adoration.
These three tips are extremely vital in making a relationship work out. They do not come easily and take a long time to work on but with a lot of determination, they can be labored through so that you and your partner can have a happy life together. This may take a couple tries and a few partners because no match is perfect. It is guaranteed that the more you work on it, the more you will be able to understand them and understand you partner fully so that you both can live a good love life.
Connor R sulliavan
One of the most important things to do when trying to keep a relationship going strong is to listen to one another. If one partner does all of the complaining and talking, there is obviously no room for the other to probably get any sort of word in edgewise. Both sides of the relationship need to be speaking up and voicing their problems and even their compliments. Each person needs to carry his or her own weight in this coexistence. If one side had more say and never listened to the other person's, there would be a crack that would only get bigger and bigger. This would eventually destroy the relationship to the extent that both parties would be crushed and would take a while to recover.
Another main thing to pay attention to is consideration. In a relationship, there needs to be respect on either side for one another. One partner should never abuse or hurt the other in any way, shape, or form. This rule goes for both physically and mentally. Many people believe that abuse can solely come from physical beatings. This assumption, however, is incorrect. Actually, many abusive relationships come from the words and comments uttered by a partner. The person in the relationship loves and cares for this partner so much that they listen and believe in their heart that what their partner says goes. The abusiveness comes about when the admired partner starts taking this admiration for granted and using it to their advantage by putting the other one down.
The final and most important thing to have in a relationship is trust. Trust is, hands down, the strongest thing in a relationship and will be the thing that keeps married couples together until they part from the earth. Without trust, there is no relationship because you will never be able to fully put your heart in the other's hands. If one partner knows that their equal had full trust in them and they trusted them completely, there would be no fights because each would believe that the other was always doing what is in the best's interest. This creates an overwhelming sense of comfort and admiration. From these sprout the stems of love that keep growing into eternal adoration.
These three tips are extremely vital in making a relationship work out. They do not come easily and take a long time to work on but with a lot of determination, they can be labored through so that you and your partner can have a happy life together. This may take a couple tries and a few partners because no match is perfect. It is guaranteed that the more you work on it, the more you will be able to understand them and understand you partner fully so that you both can live a good love life.
Connor R sulliavan
Friday, August 21, 2009
The Meaning of Friendship
Friendship is about bonding. It is about reciprocating the care you receive from a person and at the same time respecting the other persons view. A friend does not judge you by wealth or position, he or she is there with you during your bad times. He is like the pillar of strength you can rely on and also share your apprehensions about the various aspects in life. Friendship blossoms each day and one must make time to strengthen the bond.
Days and events are important during friendship. It is vital for us to remember the important days in our friend's life. Friendship is also about trust. One is able to open up freely to the person who is your friend because you know you will not be judged. It is fine to express your inhibitions and also seek the advice of your friend but at the same time friendship is also respecting the other person's predicament. Many a times the friend is not available owing to familial reasons or other commitments and jealously can mar the fragile bond of friendship.
Situations in life often make us realize who our true friends are. We may be surrounded by a group of people whom we meet but it is only with a particular person we are able to relate. This is because there is a certain chemistry, understanding and also respect which you find in this true friend. It is our duty to bring a friend to the right path but too much of criticism will spoil the friendship.
We choose different vocations and reside in various locations and hence friendship gets separated owing to distance. Communication lines are accessible to all of us who want to connect with a lot of friends. Friends from our Alma Mater, friends from our previous jobs and also friends who have migrated to different lands can be contacted easily with the help of technology. There are No excuses in friendship.
The test of friendship is during critical circumstances. When you are down and out the best friend is still next to you. He or she gives you the biggest support with kind words and assures you that life is truly a great gift. A good friend is a rare gem and we need to polish this bond with the goodness of friendship.
Jennie gandhi
Days and events are important during friendship. It is vital for us to remember the important days in our friend's life. Friendship is also about trust. One is able to open up freely to the person who is your friend because you know you will not be judged. It is fine to express your inhibitions and also seek the advice of your friend but at the same time friendship is also respecting the other person's predicament. Many a times the friend is not available owing to familial reasons or other commitments and jealously can mar the fragile bond of friendship.
Situations in life often make us realize who our true friends are. We may be surrounded by a group of people whom we meet but it is only with a particular person we are able to relate. This is because there is a certain chemistry, understanding and also respect which you find in this true friend. It is our duty to bring a friend to the right path but too much of criticism will spoil the friendship.
We choose different vocations and reside in various locations and hence friendship gets separated owing to distance. Communication lines are accessible to all of us who want to connect with a lot of friends. Friends from our Alma Mater, friends from our previous jobs and also friends who have migrated to different lands can be contacted easily with the help of technology. There are No excuses in friendship.
The test of friendship is during critical circumstances. When you are down and out the best friend is still next to you. He or she gives you the biggest support with kind words and assures you that life is truly a great gift. A good friend is a rare gem and we need to polish this bond with the goodness of friendship.
Jennie gandhi
12 Ingredients to True and Lasting Friendships
There comes a time in our lives when we must decide with finality whether or not we are going to follow Christ in earnest. We want to know God's Will, set in our hearts to do it, but when it comes to action, we run the other way. Why? Most of the time, God's Will requires that we totally trust His leading without having the slightest hint of what the future holds. It requires change from the norm. Often enough, that change is convoluted and mysterious. We don't like that and that is where the struggle begins. Following the Will of God suddenly becomes following Him "our way".
In his fine book, "Experiencing God", Henry Blackaby wrote, "You cannot continue life as usual or stay where you are, and go with God at the same time. That is true throughout Scripture. Noah could not continue life as usual and build an ark at the same time Jonah had to leave his home and overcome a major prejudice in order to preach in Nineveh. Saul (later Paul) had to completely change directions in life in order to be used of God to preach the Gospel to the Gentiles."
What does it cost to follow Jesus? Often times, the cost is more than we want to pay comfortably. What we really want is a comfortable relationship with Him just as long as He doesn't interrupt our lives. It's true that Jesus always accepts us where we are. However, He never leaves us there. When the prodigal son returned home, his father did not leave him the way he arrived. Gold rings, robes, feasting (and a bath I hope!) were heaped on the son.
We need to understand that Jesus is Our Friend. To understand our relationship as His friends, we need to learn the true definition of a friend, according to Scriptures. I believe that once we do that, our struggles to follow the Will of God become less and less. At the same time, we learn how to be true friends to others.
Twelve (12) Ingredients to Successful Friendships:
1.Love:
Read Proverbs 17:17. The word "friend" is so misused today that it has lost its true meaning. A true friend loves even when it's sorely uncomfortable. A friend is a friend even when it hurts. A friend never leaves you flat when everyone else has. When adversity strikes, a true friend is there with you. In a marriage, your spouse is your best human friend or should be. And you, because you know what Jesus requires of a friend, you are your spouses best friend. A friend loves you when you stink, when you're grumpy and when you've gained 50 pounds. When you're sick, a friend will cook homemade chicken soup and if necessary, spoon-feed you. May I ask? Are you this kind of friend?
2.Commitment:
Read 1 Cor 13:7. One word sums up this passage: Hosea. I got the point with Hosea because some Christians will declare, "I am not Jesus!" That's very true. But there is the human non-God example of true commitment. Do you have a Gomer in your life? All things are possible through Christ, including loving the unlovable.
3.Honesty:
Read Ephesians 4:15. We love to tell others about themselves and have the audacity to call it "being honest". Let's ask ourselves this: what was the intent? Was it to edify or to bring down? The answer to this question will reveal to us if we spoke in love. Proverbs 27:17,19 explains this further.
4.Trust:
Read Proverbs 20:6. Can you recall a time when you messed up so badly that you wish someone would understand you? You realized how stupid your mistake was and you wish you could make it right with your friend? Jesus does that. We can trust Him to have our best interests in mind, even when we mess up royally. Has someone hurt you? Can you be trusted to forgive and forget? Can you be trusted to be a true friend? It's very hard, I know. I've wrestle with it daily. Yet, it's not impossible. Besides, Jesus requires us to do the same as He did on the Cross.
5.Loyalty:
Read Proverbs 17:17. How loyal are we? I can tell you this: Jesus is absolutely loyal to us. Would you be loyal even when at times it is downright unbearable? I was delivering flowers many years ago to this beautiful home. I rang the doorbell and waited. An older man, bent over and frail, answered the door. I was puzzled because the card was addressed to a lady. When I asked about this, he waved me in and told me to deliver it to his wife. The moment I stepped over the threshold, I froze in my tracks. His wife was sitting in her chair, even more frail and immobilized. Next to her on the table was a soup bowl. In her husband's hand was a spoon. On her chest was a bib. This bent over frail old man had been feeding his beloved. I delivered her flowers and left. In my van, I choked back my tears. Jesus had just taught me what loyalty meant.
6.Communication/Sharing:
Read Hebrews 13:16. Do we communicate well? I am not talking about just yapping non-stop. I knew a florist once. She had always wanted flowers from her man. He never gave her a flower because he thought he could never give her the right kind of rose. In his mind, he thought she would criticize the flower and indirectly criticizing him. Little did he know that he was actually communicating a different message to his girlfriend. What message are you communicating to your friend?
7.Support:
Read Ecc: 9, 10. This one is self-explanatory. We all have been in situations when we had no one, relatives or otherwise to turn to in times of troubles. Even God said it is not good for man to be alone. Are you a supporting friend? Can you be counted on to be a friend at 3 am?
8.Encouragement:
Read Philippians 4:8. We all have something that needs changing and we know it. What we fail to realize that there are lovely things about ourselves. Jesus encourages us. He is our cheerleader. He is our personal trainer. He says that even our feet our lovely to Him. Have we looked at the good qualities of our friends? Or are we critical? At one time or another, our friends are going to down in the pits. We need not to be like Job's friends. Rather, we need to be like Christ encouraging and speaking lovely things over our friends.
9.Kindness:
Read Job 6:14. So our friend messed it up again! What is our response? What is Jesus' response to us when we mess up over and over again? What would you like it to be? Can we suffer our friends and be kind anyway? Remember, the same mercy you show will be the same mercy that will be shown to you in your time of need.
10.Availability:
Read Proverbs 27:10. The phone rings at 3:00 am. It's your friend. S/he needs to talk. S/he was just told that their spouse wants a divorce. They are devastated. You just went to bed two hours ago. You were preparing a presentation for your boss and you're bone tired. Will you mumble something and return to bed? Or will you get up, make some coffee and talk with your friend in need?
11.Confidence/Dependability:
Read Galatians 5:10. Trials have just arrived for your friends and you know he heaped it upon himself. What do you do? Will you stop visiting, talking, counseling and praying for him? Would you buy a bag of groceries for him? What would you do? Can you be a dependable friend in his time of need? Or would you abandon him like the disciples abandoned Jesus? Did Jesus abandon you?
12.Forgiveness:
Read Proverbs 17:9. I have to admit I have been guilty of this one in particular. I met a person long ago, who has been in trouble for most of her life. You could set your clock with her propensity to get into a mess. I would sit down with her and counsel her at length. But for all the counseling, I never gave her a chance. I did what others had done to her. I was guilty just the same. I did not forgive and forget. I did not think lovely things about this young one. I failed in my walk with Christ.
You see, if we are truly followers of Christ, as much as it is possible, we are to be true friends to others around us. True friendship is valuable and never easy. When we think of true friendship light of Matthew 25:31-46, it is a necessity and a command of God to His children.
Jonny Riviera
In his fine book, "Experiencing God", Henry Blackaby wrote, "You cannot continue life as usual or stay where you are, and go with God at the same time. That is true throughout Scripture. Noah could not continue life as usual and build an ark at the same time Jonah had to leave his home and overcome a major prejudice in order to preach in Nineveh. Saul (later Paul) had to completely change directions in life in order to be used of God to preach the Gospel to the Gentiles."
What does it cost to follow Jesus? Often times, the cost is more than we want to pay comfortably. What we really want is a comfortable relationship with Him just as long as He doesn't interrupt our lives. It's true that Jesus always accepts us where we are. However, He never leaves us there. When the prodigal son returned home, his father did not leave him the way he arrived. Gold rings, robes, feasting (and a bath I hope!) were heaped on the son.
We need to understand that Jesus is Our Friend. To understand our relationship as His friends, we need to learn the true definition of a friend, according to Scriptures. I believe that once we do that, our struggles to follow the Will of God become less and less. At the same time, we learn how to be true friends to others.
Twelve (12) Ingredients to Successful Friendships:
1.Love:
Read Proverbs 17:17. The word "friend" is so misused today that it has lost its true meaning. A true friend loves even when it's sorely uncomfortable. A friend is a friend even when it hurts. A friend never leaves you flat when everyone else has. When adversity strikes, a true friend is there with you. In a marriage, your spouse is your best human friend or should be. And you, because you know what Jesus requires of a friend, you are your spouses best friend. A friend loves you when you stink, when you're grumpy and when you've gained 50 pounds. When you're sick, a friend will cook homemade chicken soup and if necessary, spoon-feed you. May I ask? Are you this kind of friend?
2.Commitment:
Read 1 Cor 13:7. One word sums up this passage: Hosea. I got the point with Hosea because some Christians will declare, "I am not Jesus!" That's very true. But there is the human non-God example of true commitment. Do you have a Gomer in your life? All things are possible through Christ, including loving the unlovable.
3.Honesty:
Read Ephesians 4:15. We love to tell others about themselves and have the audacity to call it "being honest". Let's ask ourselves this: what was the intent? Was it to edify or to bring down? The answer to this question will reveal to us if we spoke in love. Proverbs 27:17,19 explains this further.
4.Trust:
Read Proverbs 20:6. Can you recall a time when you messed up so badly that you wish someone would understand you? You realized how stupid your mistake was and you wish you could make it right with your friend? Jesus does that. We can trust Him to have our best interests in mind, even when we mess up royally. Has someone hurt you? Can you be trusted to forgive and forget? Can you be trusted to be a true friend? It's very hard, I know. I've wrestle with it daily. Yet, it's not impossible. Besides, Jesus requires us to do the same as He did on the Cross.
5.Loyalty:
Read Proverbs 17:17. How loyal are we? I can tell you this: Jesus is absolutely loyal to us. Would you be loyal even when at times it is downright unbearable? I was delivering flowers many years ago to this beautiful home. I rang the doorbell and waited. An older man, bent over and frail, answered the door. I was puzzled because the card was addressed to a lady. When I asked about this, he waved me in and told me to deliver it to his wife. The moment I stepped over the threshold, I froze in my tracks. His wife was sitting in her chair, even more frail and immobilized. Next to her on the table was a soup bowl. In her husband's hand was a spoon. On her chest was a bib. This bent over frail old man had been feeding his beloved. I delivered her flowers and left. In my van, I choked back my tears. Jesus had just taught me what loyalty meant.
6.Communication/Sharing:
Read Hebrews 13:16. Do we communicate well? I am not talking about just yapping non-stop. I knew a florist once. She had always wanted flowers from her man. He never gave her a flower because he thought he could never give her the right kind of rose. In his mind, he thought she would criticize the flower and indirectly criticizing him. Little did he know that he was actually communicating a different message to his girlfriend. What message are you communicating to your friend?
7.Support:
Read Ecc: 9, 10. This one is self-explanatory. We all have been in situations when we had no one, relatives or otherwise to turn to in times of troubles. Even God said it is not good for man to be alone. Are you a supporting friend? Can you be counted on to be a friend at 3 am?
8.Encouragement:
Read Philippians 4:8. We all have something that needs changing and we know it. What we fail to realize that there are lovely things about ourselves. Jesus encourages us. He is our cheerleader. He is our personal trainer. He says that even our feet our lovely to Him. Have we looked at the good qualities of our friends? Or are we critical? At one time or another, our friends are going to down in the pits. We need not to be like Job's friends. Rather, we need to be like Christ encouraging and speaking lovely things over our friends.
9.Kindness:
Read Job 6:14. So our friend messed it up again! What is our response? What is Jesus' response to us when we mess up over and over again? What would you like it to be? Can we suffer our friends and be kind anyway? Remember, the same mercy you show will be the same mercy that will be shown to you in your time of need.
10.Availability:
Read Proverbs 27:10. The phone rings at 3:00 am. It's your friend. S/he needs to talk. S/he was just told that their spouse wants a divorce. They are devastated. You just went to bed two hours ago. You were preparing a presentation for your boss and you're bone tired. Will you mumble something and return to bed? Or will you get up, make some coffee and talk with your friend in need?
11.Confidence/Dependability:
Read Galatians 5:10. Trials have just arrived for your friends and you know he heaped it upon himself. What do you do? Will you stop visiting, talking, counseling and praying for him? Would you buy a bag of groceries for him? What would you do? Can you be a dependable friend in his time of need? Or would you abandon him like the disciples abandoned Jesus? Did Jesus abandon you?
12.Forgiveness:
Read Proverbs 17:9. I have to admit I have been guilty of this one in particular. I met a person long ago, who has been in trouble for most of her life. You could set your clock with her propensity to get into a mess. I would sit down with her and counsel her at length. But for all the counseling, I never gave her a chance. I did what others had done to her. I was guilty just the same. I did not forgive and forget. I did not think lovely things about this young one. I failed in my walk with Christ.
You see, if we are truly followers of Christ, as much as it is possible, we are to be true friends to others around us. True friendship is valuable and never easy. When we think of true friendship light of Matthew 25:31-46, it is a necessity and a command of God to His children.
Jonny Riviera
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