Before you try to save your marriage, you ought to know why it failed in the first place. Most of us make the mistake of presuming that marital bliss is permanent. Especially when we have loved and married the person of our choice, things can never go wrong. But more often than not it does. We think the spark that we saw during the courtship days would remain forever. It never does. People change and so do their priorities, likes and dislikes. Unless you adapt to the changing situation, you are bound to clash with the new developments in your life.
All of us think that we are right and the other person is wrong. Spouse wanted space and you gave it. Spouse wanted a vacation and you acceded and so on. Despite making all the necessary 'compromises' and adjustments all the way, why does it have to be that one fine day you find that there are serious cracks in your marriage? Most of us get quite overwhelmed when a steady situation shows signs of imbalance. When the apple-cart tilts, we get nervous because we do now know how to manage change. So in a bid to save your marriage, you end up making some serious errors in judgment which further ruin your chances to save your marriage and worsens the all-ready sad situation. Here are some tips to save your marriage and how to avoid making those critical errors:
• You are already aware of the cracks in your marriage and one day your spouse announces his or her desire to end this agony. What is your first reaction? Anger, frustration, denial, aggression, tears? While these outbursts may be common when someone is pushed against the wall, it can never help to save your marriage. On the contrary, you need to be calm and collected and instead of reacting immaturely, take time to think more rationally about the steps you have to take to save your marriage. Crying, pleading or throwing tantrums never take anyone anywhere. You are simply pushing your spouse to follow his or her decision.
• To save your marriage, put an end to your endless stream of thoughts hovering around reasons why your marriage failed. Stop presuming for a change. Get the facts right - is there anyone else? Has the environment in the home got anything to do with it? Is your sex life satisfying? Who knows, with introspection, there could be several skeletons popping out of the in the cupboard? There could be issues with you, which need improvement or correction? Spend time to answer such questions before you try to pass on the blame on someone or something else.
• To save your marriage, it pays to remain hopeful and develop a positive attitude. Remember if you ask for doom, it would come. On the contrary, if you pin your hopes on all that went right, on all the reasons that kept you together for so long, focus on those strength areas and develop them further. There is no point in being fatalistic or pessimistic about the future. To save your marriage, you might need to take some harsh decisions, give up on some old habits and learn to bend more than you are used to.
• A marriage is about a relationship between two people. Therefore to save your marriage, nothing can be achieved single-handedly. You need the support and cooperation of your spouse all the way. And the only way you can involve your spouse in the process to save your marriage, is to have a frank and open discussion about your intentions. Ask his or her opinion about what could be the problem areas and work jointly so that the solution is mutually acceptable. It is futile to take unilateral decisions, even if they are made with all good intentions. To save your marriage is likewise a joint decision.
Why is saving your marriage so important to you?
Because a good relationship is one of the most treasured of human interactions... especially marriage! We all want to be loved. There are the great times together, the shared dreams and visions, the mutual likes and dislikes and more. Great relationships are essential for enjoying a good quality of life. They color everything else around us.
Losing a spouse is one of the most emotionally traumatizing episodes in our life. It is amazing how the very thing that brings us the most pleasure also brings with it the most grief.
But don't give up on the love of your life yet. There is still hope! You can reverse deterioration of your marriage and successfully reconnect with your spouse. Use my professional and personal experience to learn how you can bring the passion back into your marriage
Emma Audley
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