What do women want?
That is the question millions of guys all over the world wish they have an answer to. If someone knows what women want, he'll simply do those things and make the girls fall over him. A lot of people had tried to figure out what women, especially the beautiful ones want.
Okay, I admit it. I don't have all the answers to what women want. I don't claim to be a seer that sees what ordinary mortals cannot see. However, with my experience with women, I have been able to discover some of the things beautiful women want. No. It's not about being nice to them. It's not about telling them how much you love them every hour of the day and its surely not by buying them expensive gifts.
So what do women want? Here are four qualities beautiful women love to see in men.
1. A Life Of Your Own
Attractive women do not like guys that do not have a life of their own. They don't want guys that will not be able to eat, sleep or work without seeing them. They want you to be independent.
2. Confidence
When a woman is with you, she wants you to be very confident of yourself. They want you to be able to handle any situation you find yourself in. They love to tap from such confidence.
3. Intelligence
Attractive women love intelligent guys. You should be well versed in general issues and you should be able to communicate very easily. You don't have to know about environmental issues or about nuclear physics. Just ensure you're able to communicate easily.
4. Funny
You should be able to make a woman laugh once in a while. I'm not suggesting you become a comedian overnight but cracking jokes a few times will make her more relaxed with you.
The list is not exhaustive but the qualities listed above are very critical to your success with women.
Akin Alabi
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Getting Your Dream Girl
Getting that perfect ten seems to be a difficult thing to do. You understand my meaning. The sweaty palms, the jitters and ultimately getting that big fat, 'get lost.' You will be saying to yourself, she won't like me. Or, man, I'm not that good looking. Well men, I have some great news for you. You can score your perfect ten. And it's easier than you'd ever think!
To start it's essential for you to see that what you believe about yourself inside is externalized on the outside. Have you ever heard the expression, you wear your heart on your shoulder? This is the absolute truth. We do it all the time. If you're not confident, then that cutie you are wanting to meet will see it before they even see your hair color. This is pretty much the same as a dog sensing your fear. Don't be rattled.
Remember that she's just another person on this planet, just like you. And if your plans don't pan out, then try with another girl. Sounds kind of cold, but it is the truth. As an example, here's a story for you. I had an acquaintance that wasn't the best looking. Actually, he was downright ugly. But he'd always approach and date the perfect tens! Why? As I mentioned earlier. He mastered his fear when it came to meeting young women and the ladies couldn't resist him. Does he still get rejected here and there? You bet.
But he doesn't let him deter him one single bit.Your initial steps are to believe that you are good enough and handsome enough to catch that perfect ten. You are good enough, handsome enough and you do have the personality to hit it off. If you can talk and laugh and joke with your buddies, then you can do exactly the same with that perfect ten.
Next is to just do it. Go up to the that perfect ten in a popular hangout and start talking to her. Oh, and for your sake, avoid the ones with big boyfriends! Just go up and introduce yourself and make small talk. You'll be amazed at the results you'll have. Now, like I mentioned about my friend earlier, it won't work out every time, but you'll be surprised at how often it does work. The more you try, the more success you'll have too.
Remember that perfect ten is just like you. They also want to have a wonderful relationship with someone special as much as you do, in most cases. Keep that in mind when you approach her!
Frank Thomas
To start it's essential for you to see that what you believe about yourself inside is externalized on the outside. Have you ever heard the expression, you wear your heart on your shoulder? This is the absolute truth. We do it all the time. If you're not confident, then that cutie you are wanting to meet will see it before they even see your hair color. This is pretty much the same as a dog sensing your fear. Don't be rattled.
Remember that she's just another person on this planet, just like you. And if your plans don't pan out, then try with another girl. Sounds kind of cold, but it is the truth. As an example, here's a story for you. I had an acquaintance that wasn't the best looking. Actually, he was downright ugly. But he'd always approach and date the perfect tens! Why? As I mentioned earlier. He mastered his fear when it came to meeting young women and the ladies couldn't resist him. Does he still get rejected here and there? You bet.
But he doesn't let him deter him one single bit.Your initial steps are to believe that you are good enough and handsome enough to catch that perfect ten. You are good enough, handsome enough and you do have the personality to hit it off. If you can talk and laugh and joke with your buddies, then you can do exactly the same with that perfect ten.
Next is to just do it. Go up to the that perfect ten in a popular hangout and start talking to her. Oh, and for your sake, avoid the ones with big boyfriends! Just go up and introduce yourself and make small talk. You'll be amazed at the results you'll have. Now, like I mentioned about my friend earlier, it won't work out every time, but you'll be surprised at how often it does work. The more you try, the more success you'll have too.
Remember that perfect ten is just like you. They also want to have a wonderful relationship with someone special as much as you do, in most cases. Keep that in mind when you approach her!
Frank Thomas
Love Tips For a Long Lasting Relationship
An enduring love relationship is built with passion and care, with lots of respect and forgiveness for each other. There are no miracles and no fairy tales in real life love relationships.
Here are some love tips on how to keep the love fire sparking romantically in your daily life:
1. Arrange romantic plans for the weekends such as: a quiet candle light dinner on Friday evening, catching up a romantic movie together, cycling around the country side or having a nice picnic in the park under the big oak tree.
2. Try to switch off your mobiles so that you will not be distracted by any other stuff especially those from your work place.
3. Try to secure as much time as possible having both of you alone, send your kids to their favorite recreation centre during school holidays or weekends.
4. Catching up an old classic sentimental movie at home, which both of you used to be fond of, sharing those happy memories of yours with each other.
5. Share jokes with your partner and laugh out together. Add humor to your life.
6. Switch roles during weekends, husbands get to cook and wash for their wives while the wives gets to do some of the stuffs which their husbands used to do during the weekends such as washing the cars and taking the dogs for a walk in the park.
7. Listen to your favorite music together, sharing some of the stories which you can recall happening to your children which were hilarious and laugh together.
8. Pick up a dancing class together such as ball-room dancing or cha-cha. You will soon rediscover the lost love in each other eyes while practicing along with the rhythm of the song played.
9. Surprise him / her with new ideas such as: he can try to learn to "bake" her favorite cake, while she can get him something which he has been longing for, such as unique collections of toy cars. Tiny gestures like these are important for they show how much you care for your other spouse.
10. Send her / him love cards every other day with kind loving words full of appreciation and passion. You do not need to wait for his/her birthday or wedding anniversary to send special cards or gifts. Express your love whenever you can and as much as you could.
Francis Murphy
Here are some love tips on how to keep the love fire sparking romantically in your daily life:
1. Arrange romantic plans for the weekends such as: a quiet candle light dinner on Friday evening, catching up a romantic movie together, cycling around the country side or having a nice picnic in the park under the big oak tree.
2. Try to switch off your mobiles so that you will not be distracted by any other stuff especially those from your work place.
3. Try to secure as much time as possible having both of you alone, send your kids to their favorite recreation centre during school holidays or weekends.
4. Catching up an old classic sentimental movie at home, which both of you used to be fond of, sharing those happy memories of yours with each other.
5. Share jokes with your partner and laugh out together. Add humor to your life.
6. Switch roles during weekends, husbands get to cook and wash for their wives while the wives gets to do some of the stuffs which their husbands used to do during the weekends such as washing the cars and taking the dogs for a walk in the park.
7. Listen to your favorite music together, sharing some of the stories which you can recall happening to your children which were hilarious and laugh together.
8. Pick up a dancing class together such as ball-room dancing or cha-cha. You will soon rediscover the lost love in each other eyes while practicing along with the rhythm of the song played.
9. Surprise him / her with new ideas such as: he can try to learn to "bake" her favorite cake, while she can get him something which he has been longing for, such as unique collections of toy cars. Tiny gestures like these are important for they show how much you care for your other spouse.
10. Send her / him love cards every other day with kind loving words full of appreciation and passion. You do not need to wait for his/her birthday or wedding anniversary to send special cards or gifts. Express your love whenever you can and as much as you could.
Francis Murphy
Monday, September 7, 2009
Marriage is a Marathon, Not a Sprint
The Battle of Marathon took place in 490 B.C. during the first Persian invasion. It was fought between the citizens of Athens, Greece, and the Persian forces under the rule of the Persian King Darius. A fabled run of a Greek soldier Pheidippides, a messenger from the Battle of Marathon to Athens, is the basis for the modern marathon, held in cities across the world, with the larger ones having tens of thousands of runners participating.
The marathon is a long-distance, foot race on the road with an official distance of 26 7/32 miles, requiring great strength and endurance. A sprint, on the other hand, is a short distance run, requiring a burst of energy, to run at one's full speed. Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint.
From the website Marathon Rookie, I found the Top 10 Rookie Mistakes for beginner marathon runners, which apply to marriage as well. They are: injury, hydration, lack of knowledge, starting too fast, wrong goal, motivation, lack of belief, lack of support, and underestimate stretching. Let's look at each one of these for why marriages are often troubled, and fail.
1. Injury. A couple comes into marriage, bringing emotional and spiritual baggage, and often many wounds. MarathonRookie.com says that many beginner runners "notice soreness in their shins or knees and ignore it. They keep running and BAM, it hits them. They're done. Game Over. Be aware of the warning signs and how to treat them."
If one person in the marriage is injured, then the marriage's health will be affected as well. We need to realize that it is only God who can heal us and make us whole - not our spouse. Men love to fix things, but they can't fix their wives. Vice versa for wives trying to change, fix, or improve their husbands.
Jesus is the healer of wounded hearts. Sometimes healing from deep hurts such as parental rejection, abandonment, childhood abuse, dysfunctional relationships in adulthood, abortion, drug, alcohol, or pornography and gambling addictions may require professional counseling, spiritual deliverance, and/or pastoral accountability.
Ultimately as we seek God's face, study His word, and obey Him, we will receive our healing. Psalm 107:20 says, "He sent His word and healed them, and delivered them from their destruction."
2. Hydration. MarathonRookie.com says that runners get dehydrated because they underestimate how much water their bodies need during training. Married couples don't realize how much they need Jesus' "living waters" each day for their marriage to last. In John 4:10 (NKJV), Jesus said to the Samaritan woman at the well, "Jesus answered and said to her, "If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, 'Give Me a drink,' you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water."
3. Lack of knowledge. When you're dating, let's face it, your fiance' doesn't realize what he's really getting himself into! He doesn't know that you're a clean-freak, you hate to cook, and you aren't a morning person. After all, you go out on weekend dates to the Japanese or Italian restaurant, where they cook the delicious food, wash the dishes, and after your talks and snuggles til midnight at his house, you go home and crash - and sleep in the next morning!
Couples may see some things that concern them while they date, but they often don't really see with their "love blinders" on. They're too focused on how wonderful this person is, and how they're going to be happy for the rest of their lives. A longer dating period, asking probing questions, and paying attention to little details, will help you to get to know your fiance better - and you will have less unpleasant "surprises," such as him being a "messy" or her having a new shoes addiction - after saying "I do."
4. Starting too fast. MarathonRookie.com says that beginner runners try to run more miles than the scheduled training. "If you feel really strong when you begin training and want to run more, PLEASE resist the temptation. By going the extra mile, you are substantially increasing the likelihood of injury."
Going too fast in a relationship can increase your chances of being hurt, too. This is especially true in a relationship where there's lots of intense chemistry. Lust will not see you through the years; commitment and love will! Take it slow, and get to know this person before the wedding day!
5. Wrong training program. In Luke 6:47-49 (NKJV), the story of the man building his house on the foundation of the rock, and it standing in the fierce storm is a perfect picture of a good marriage that will last. Married couples will face many storms through the years, and having their marriage built on the principles of God's word is what will get them through these storms.
Some couples had the wrong "training program," in that they were never taught the truth of God's word, and don't have a relationship with Jesus Christ. MarathonRunner.com says some runners choose a program that is more difficult than they can handle, and they wind up quitting. Jesus said, "I am the vine; you are the branches. Apart from Me you can do nothing." We need God's help with our marriage problems. All we have to do is come to Him in humble faith, and He will give us all we need.
6. Wrong goal. Some runners focus on finishing the marathon quickly. This is the wrong goal, and increases the chances of injury and not finishing at all. The goal of the marathon for a beginner should be just to finish. This should be our goal in marriage, too, doing all we can to prevent divorce. It takes long-term love, mutual honor, commitment, affection, and open and honest communication to make marriage work over the long haul. A great sense of humor helps, too!
Some people go into marriage with a goal of the other person making them happy, and completing them. Only God can fill us up and complete us. We need to lay aside unreasonable expectations of our husband or wife, and not put that kind of pressure on them.
We may also have other goals that are quite selfish in nature, such as our own person career or business success, to the detriment of the marriage and family - ambitiously spending all our time on personal projects to get "ahead," while neglecting the very ones we love. Balance is the key. Time with our husband or wife lets them know we love them, and enjoy them.
7. Motivation. Just as in a run when there's bad weather, an injury, illness, or work that can keep him from a run, and cause him to lose his motivation to continue, there are problems that occur in marriage which causes a husband or a wife to lose their motivation to continue the marriage. Financial stresses, the demands of children, relatives and friends who intrude, pressures at work, a nagging spouse, infidelity or pornography, addictions, fatigue, boredom can all play a part in one of the partners wanting to bail out of the marriage. Keep your eye on the goal; to finish strong. Never give up!
8. Lack of belief. In Mark 6: 5-6, unbelief hindered the purposes of God. People often give up far too easily and quickly today, and file for divorce. "Now He could do no mighty work there, except that He laid His hands on a few sick people and healed them. 6 And He marveled because of their unbelief. Then He went about the villages in a circuit, teaching."
MarathonRookie.Com says that beginner runners begin training and have a hard time finishing their first five-mile run. After that, they give up, thinking they could never do a marathon. "But Jesus looked at them and said to them, "With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." (Matthew 19:26, NKJV) We need to have faith and believe that God will heal our marriages.
9. Lack of support. The world is far too eager to tell you that marriage is too hard, and it's just much better (for your sake, for your children's sake, for your career's sake, for your sanity's or checking account's sake) to get a divorce. Many married couples do not get the support they need to help their marriages succeed from family, friends, co-workers, and even professional counselors and spiritual advisors.
If you are counseling with a professional counselor who tells you to divorce your spouse for any reason other than unfaithfulness, spouse or child abuse or neglect, then RUN! Sometimes a couple may need to draw boundaries with people who are critical of their marriage, or are giving one or both of them ungodly advice. You might even have to cut off contact with them for a season, or permanently. Your marriage is your most important priority, under God.
As the marriage goes, the family goes. As the family goes, the community goes. As the community goes, the state goes. As the state goes, the nation goes. As the nation goes, the world goes! Successful marriages have far-reaching consequences!
God told Abraham that he and his descendants would be blessed forever, to all future generations! Because of Abraham's and Sarah's faith in and obedience to God, and due to their committed marriage, their children and all future generations were blessed!
Don't you think their marriage might have been strained just a little when Abraham slept with Sarah's maid, and she became pregnant with Ishmael, after Sarah had years of barrenness? Yet Sarah stayed, despite her great pain and emptiness...and God rewarded her with her own baby boy, Isaac, which means "laughter."
10. Stretching. Beginner runners often underestimate the importance of stretching, which gives them less soreness, puts them at less risk for injury, and gives them greater flexibility and a longer stride. Stretch out your arms to Jesus and to your husband or wife. Go all out in your love and devotion. Bend, cooperate, be understanding, show mercy and forgiveness. This will help your marriage to last.
Don't be so rigid and set in your ways, insisting that you are right all the time, that you can't meet your spouse half-way or more. Lay your life down for the sake of your marriage. Through the years of your marriage, you will learn that "stretching" yourself in faith and love will enhance your marriage relationship, and create greater tenderness, affection, respect, and passion in your marriage.
A sprint may get you to the finish line faster, but a marathon has incredible awards. Go for the gold in marriage. Do the marathon, and win!
"Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must outrun the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning in Africa, a lion wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the slowest gazelle, or it will starve. It doesn't matter whether you're a lion or gazelle - when the sun comes up, you'd better be running." - Unknown
Beth Jones
The marathon is a long-distance, foot race on the road with an official distance of 26 7/32 miles, requiring great strength and endurance. A sprint, on the other hand, is a short distance run, requiring a burst of energy, to run at one's full speed. Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint.
From the website Marathon Rookie, I found the Top 10 Rookie Mistakes for beginner marathon runners, which apply to marriage as well. They are: injury, hydration, lack of knowledge, starting too fast, wrong goal, motivation, lack of belief, lack of support, and underestimate stretching. Let's look at each one of these for why marriages are often troubled, and fail.
1. Injury. A couple comes into marriage, bringing emotional and spiritual baggage, and often many wounds. MarathonRookie.com says that many beginner runners "notice soreness in their shins or knees and ignore it. They keep running and BAM, it hits them. They're done. Game Over. Be aware of the warning signs and how to treat them."
If one person in the marriage is injured, then the marriage's health will be affected as well. We need to realize that it is only God who can heal us and make us whole - not our spouse. Men love to fix things, but they can't fix their wives. Vice versa for wives trying to change, fix, or improve their husbands.
Jesus is the healer of wounded hearts. Sometimes healing from deep hurts such as parental rejection, abandonment, childhood abuse, dysfunctional relationships in adulthood, abortion, drug, alcohol, or pornography and gambling addictions may require professional counseling, spiritual deliverance, and/or pastoral accountability.
Ultimately as we seek God's face, study His word, and obey Him, we will receive our healing. Psalm 107:20 says, "He sent His word and healed them, and delivered them from their destruction."
2. Hydration. MarathonRookie.com says that runners get dehydrated because they underestimate how much water their bodies need during training. Married couples don't realize how much they need Jesus' "living waters" each day for their marriage to last. In John 4:10 (NKJV), Jesus said to the Samaritan woman at the well, "Jesus answered and said to her, "If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, 'Give Me a drink,' you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water."
3. Lack of knowledge. When you're dating, let's face it, your fiance' doesn't realize what he's really getting himself into! He doesn't know that you're a clean-freak, you hate to cook, and you aren't a morning person. After all, you go out on weekend dates to the Japanese or Italian restaurant, where they cook the delicious food, wash the dishes, and after your talks and snuggles til midnight at his house, you go home and crash - and sleep in the next morning!
Couples may see some things that concern them while they date, but they often don't really see with their "love blinders" on. They're too focused on how wonderful this person is, and how they're going to be happy for the rest of their lives. A longer dating period, asking probing questions, and paying attention to little details, will help you to get to know your fiance better - and you will have less unpleasant "surprises," such as him being a "messy" or her having a new shoes addiction - after saying "I do."
4. Starting too fast. MarathonRookie.com says that beginner runners try to run more miles than the scheduled training. "If you feel really strong when you begin training and want to run more, PLEASE resist the temptation. By going the extra mile, you are substantially increasing the likelihood of injury."
Going too fast in a relationship can increase your chances of being hurt, too. This is especially true in a relationship where there's lots of intense chemistry. Lust will not see you through the years; commitment and love will! Take it slow, and get to know this person before the wedding day!
5. Wrong training program. In Luke 6:47-49 (NKJV), the story of the man building his house on the foundation of the rock, and it standing in the fierce storm is a perfect picture of a good marriage that will last. Married couples will face many storms through the years, and having their marriage built on the principles of God's word is what will get them through these storms.
Some couples had the wrong "training program," in that they were never taught the truth of God's word, and don't have a relationship with Jesus Christ. MarathonRunner.com says some runners choose a program that is more difficult than they can handle, and they wind up quitting. Jesus said, "I am the vine; you are the branches. Apart from Me you can do nothing." We need God's help with our marriage problems. All we have to do is come to Him in humble faith, and He will give us all we need.
6. Wrong goal. Some runners focus on finishing the marathon quickly. This is the wrong goal, and increases the chances of injury and not finishing at all. The goal of the marathon for a beginner should be just to finish. This should be our goal in marriage, too, doing all we can to prevent divorce. It takes long-term love, mutual honor, commitment, affection, and open and honest communication to make marriage work over the long haul. A great sense of humor helps, too!
Some people go into marriage with a goal of the other person making them happy, and completing them. Only God can fill us up and complete us. We need to lay aside unreasonable expectations of our husband or wife, and not put that kind of pressure on them.
We may also have other goals that are quite selfish in nature, such as our own person career or business success, to the detriment of the marriage and family - ambitiously spending all our time on personal projects to get "ahead," while neglecting the very ones we love. Balance is the key. Time with our husband or wife lets them know we love them, and enjoy them.
7. Motivation. Just as in a run when there's bad weather, an injury, illness, or work that can keep him from a run, and cause him to lose his motivation to continue, there are problems that occur in marriage which causes a husband or a wife to lose their motivation to continue the marriage. Financial stresses, the demands of children, relatives and friends who intrude, pressures at work, a nagging spouse, infidelity or pornography, addictions, fatigue, boredom can all play a part in one of the partners wanting to bail out of the marriage. Keep your eye on the goal; to finish strong. Never give up!
8. Lack of belief. In Mark 6: 5-6, unbelief hindered the purposes of God. People often give up far too easily and quickly today, and file for divorce. "Now He could do no mighty work there, except that He laid His hands on a few sick people and healed them. 6 And He marveled because of their unbelief. Then He went about the villages in a circuit, teaching."
MarathonRookie.Com says that beginner runners begin training and have a hard time finishing their first five-mile run. After that, they give up, thinking they could never do a marathon. "But Jesus looked at them and said to them, "With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." (Matthew 19:26, NKJV) We need to have faith and believe that God will heal our marriages.
9. Lack of support. The world is far too eager to tell you that marriage is too hard, and it's just much better (for your sake, for your children's sake, for your career's sake, for your sanity's or checking account's sake) to get a divorce. Many married couples do not get the support they need to help their marriages succeed from family, friends, co-workers, and even professional counselors and spiritual advisors.
If you are counseling with a professional counselor who tells you to divorce your spouse for any reason other than unfaithfulness, spouse or child abuse or neglect, then RUN! Sometimes a couple may need to draw boundaries with people who are critical of their marriage, or are giving one or both of them ungodly advice. You might even have to cut off contact with them for a season, or permanently. Your marriage is your most important priority, under God.
As the marriage goes, the family goes. As the family goes, the community goes. As the community goes, the state goes. As the state goes, the nation goes. As the nation goes, the world goes! Successful marriages have far-reaching consequences!
God told Abraham that he and his descendants would be blessed forever, to all future generations! Because of Abraham's and Sarah's faith in and obedience to God, and due to their committed marriage, their children and all future generations were blessed!
Don't you think their marriage might have been strained just a little when Abraham slept with Sarah's maid, and she became pregnant with Ishmael, after Sarah had years of barrenness? Yet Sarah stayed, despite her great pain and emptiness...and God rewarded her with her own baby boy, Isaac, which means "laughter."
10. Stretching. Beginner runners often underestimate the importance of stretching, which gives them less soreness, puts them at less risk for injury, and gives them greater flexibility and a longer stride. Stretch out your arms to Jesus and to your husband or wife. Go all out in your love and devotion. Bend, cooperate, be understanding, show mercy and forgiveness. This will help your marriage to last.
Don't be so rigid and set in your ways, insisting that you are right all the time, that you can't meet your spouse half-way or more. Lay your life down for the sake of your marriage. Through the years of your marriage, you will learn that "stretching" yourself in faith and love will enhance your marriage relationship, and create greater tenderness, affection, respect, and passion in your marriage.
A sprint may get you to the finish line faster, but a marathon has incredible awards. Go for the gold in marriage. Do the marathon, and win!
"Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must outrun the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning in Africa, a lion wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the slowest gazelle, or it will starve. It doesn't matter whether you're a lion or gazelle - when the sun comes up, you'd better be running." - Unknown
Beth Jones
What Are the Secrets to Marriage?
Did you know that you can actually stay married - and did you know that thousands of people have become happier the longer they do it? Of course, many people do not, and end up divorcing, but it was because they didn't set relationship goals, communicate, and re-group.
Indeed, marriage can be just as simple as 1-2-3 and you can find your path to marital bliss, just by dotting your i's, minding your p's and q's, and putting some practical wisdom into practice. These efforts, though they seem small, along with some of your resourcefulness, can be rewarding.
Step 1: Set your relationship goals, with a plan, and love the details! In any relationship, marriage or otherwise, the details are important for you to know. What are your specific actions? Are you going to focus on dating or vacations? Will you date once weekly, or vacation twice per year, or other plans? Will you enlist your spouse with helping to pick out the spots?
How will you involve others in your life that these goals are important to your marriage? What will it take to accomplish these goals? Will you need to hire a back-up babysitter? Do you have the funds? How much of an investment are you willing to put into the marriage? Who else in your circle is willing to invest in your plans?
Look at this as creating your secrets to marriage business plan,. First, be realistic and not judgmental about the things you can do well. If you want to convince your spouse about plans you have for the marriage, find something that makes you passionate. Don't force yourself to be a better wife - just do what you enjoy doing.
Step 2: Communicate! Be creative with the ways you communicate with your spouse - send an Email, write a note, put it on a sticky, tell your spouse's friends, put a letter in the mail, start a chat session. Whatever you do, use all the resources available to you and just communicate.
Give your spouse an endearing nick name. The name should be pleasing to your spouse. Maybe think of characteristic to turn into a name - "Suzy Baker", "Flower", "Sunshine", "Hairy", "Prince Charming". This starts a new phase of communication only between the two of you. Let others know the special names for each other by speaking this way in public. All this builds your marriage bond.
Step 3: Re-group Always do an assessment of how well your plans are working. Come up with an exit plan - no, not exit your marriage. Exit a goal. If a goal does not give you the results you expected, what is your back-up plan? What resources will you need to shift to the back-up plan?
There may also be temporary lull in your marriage as you switch between plans - so be patient, a virtue in the secrets to marriage. Some marriages fail because the spouses can't deal with a temporary stall in plans. Be conscious that your marriage is a work in process and needs an infusion of ideas to get stronger.
Etta kit
Indeed, marriage can be just as simple as 1-2-3 and you can find your path to marital bliss, just by dotting your i's, minding your p's and q's, and putting some practical wisdom into practice. These efforts, though they seem small, along with some of your resourcefulness, can be rewarding.
Step 1: Set your relationship goals, with a plan, and love the details! In any relationship, marriage or otherwise, the details are important for you to know. What are your specific actions? Are you going to focus on dating or vacations? Will you date once weekly, or vacation twice per year, or other plans? Will you enlist your spouse with helping to pick out the spots?
How will you involve others in your life that these goals are important to your marriage? What will it take to accomplish these goals? Will you need to hire a back-up babysitter? Do you have the funds? How much of an investment are you willing to put into the marriage? Who else in your circle is willing to invest in your plans?
Look at this as creating your secrets to marriage business plan,. First, be realistic and not judgmental about the things you can do well. If you want to convince your spouse about plans you have for the marriage, find something that makes you passionate. Don't force yourself to be a better wife - just do what you enjoy doing.
Step 2: Communicate! Be creative with the ways you communicate with your spouse - send an Email, write a note, put it on a sticky, tell your spouse's friends, put a letter in the mail, start a chat session. Whatever you do, use all the resources available to you and just communicate.
Give your spouse an endearing nick name. The name should be pleasing to your spouse. Maybe think of characteristic to turn into a name - "Suzy Baker", "Flower", "Sunshine", "Hairy", "Prince Charming". This starts a new phase of communication only between the two of you. Let others know the special names for each other by speaking this way in public. All this builds your marriage bond.
Step 3: Re-group Always do an assessment of how well your plans are working. Come up with an exit plan - no, not exit your marriage. Exit a goal. If a goal does not give you the results you expected, what is your back-up plan? What resources will you need to shift to the back-up plan?
There may also be temporary lull in your marriage as you switch between plans - so be patient, a virtue in the secrets to marriage. Some marriages fail because the spouses can't deal with a temporary stall in plans. Be conscious that your marriage is a work in process and needs an infusion of ideas to get stronger.
Etta kit
How to Save Your Marriage - Yes, You Can Fix Your Marriage and Stop Your Divorce Now!
How sad is it that marriages start with such high expectations, joyful celebration and fabulous honeymoon. The harsh reality is that the only direction that you can go is down after that. While all marriages go down a bit, many marriages go way down - to the brink of divorce. My marriage was just like that - and I desperately wanted to fix it.
When things were heading south (to a divorce), I tried everything. I cried, I begged him not to leave, I acted like I didn't care - nothing worked. But - I had to do something to stop this divorce, I was desperate.
Time went on and things became worse. My spouse was barely home anymore (starting his new life, I assume) - I was waiting with dread for the divorce papers. I was so despondent but didn't know what to do.
Fast forward to today - we didn't end up getting a divorce. We have worked things out - our marriage is stronger than ever and we are more in love with each other than we have ever been.
Here's a tip. Don't ever beg your spouse. People always want what they can't get. What does this mean for a troubled marriage? "The more you try to show that you want someone, the less that he or she is going to want you". Do not beg to stop your divorce.
Should you talk about divorce? Well, this is different. Getting a divorce is an awful thing for all involved (even the person who wants the divorce). Even if nobody has mentioned a divorce, it doesn't mean that it isn't on both of your minds. It's kind of like the elephant in the room. If things look like they are headed in that direction anyway, you should be the one to take charge and bring up the subject. This way, the power goes to you to change the direction. If you do nothing, you lose control to try to stop the divorce.
These tips have helped me save my troubled marriage.
Once I understood these critical things that set me on the right path. That track stopped my divorce - it will stop yours too, if you take the right steps.
I had such a troubled marriage that I thought there was no hope at all for reconciliation.
But today, I am still with my husband - I saved my marriage
Maggie Marshall
When things were heading south (to a divorce), I tried everything. I cried, I begged him not to leave, I acted like I didn't care - nothing worked. But - I had to do something to stop this divorce, I was desperate.
Time went on and things became worse. My spouse was barely home anymore (starting his new life, I assume) - I was waiting with dread for the divorce papers. I was so despondent but didn't know what to do.
Fast forward to today - we didn't end up getting a divorce. We have worked things out - our marriage is stronger than ever and we are more in love with each other than we have ever been.
Here's a tip. Don't ever beg your spouse. People always want what they can't get. What does this mean for a troubled marriage? "The more you try to show that you want someone, the less that he or she is going to want you". Do not beg to stop your divorce.
Should you talk about divorce? Well, this is different. Getting a divorce is an awful thing for all involved (even the person who wants the divorce). Even if nobody has mentioned a divorce, it doesn't mean that it isn't on both of your minds. It's kind of like the elephant in the room. If things look like they are headed in that direction anyway, you should be the one to take charge and bring up the subject. This way, the power goes to you to change the direction. If you do nothing, you lose control to try to stop the divorce.
These tips have helped me save my troubled marriage.
Once I understood these critical things that set me on the right path. That track stopped my divorce - it will stop yours too, if you take the right steps.
I had such a troubled marriage that I thought there was no hope at all for reconciliation.
But today, I am still with my husband - I saved my marriage
Maggie Marshall
To Save Your Marriage Before the Apple-Cart Tilts
Before you try to save your marriage, you ought to know why it failed in the first place. Most of us make the mistake of presuming that marital bliss is permanent. Especially when we have loved and married the person of our choice, things can never go wrong. But more often than not it does. We think the spark that we saw during the courtship days would remain forever. It never does. People change and so do their priorities, likes and dislikes. Unless you adapt to the changing situation, you are bound to clash with the new developments in your life.
All of us think that we are right and the other person is wrong. Spouse wanted space and you gave it. Spouse wanted a vacation and you acceded and so on. Despite making all the necessary 'compromises' and adjustments all the way, why does it have to be that one fine day you find that there are serious cracks in your marriage? Most of us get quite overwhelmed when a steady situation shows signs of imbalance. When the apple-cart tilts, we get nervous because we do now know how to manage change. So in a bid to save your marriage, you end up making some serious errors in judgment which further ruin your chances to save your marriage and worsens the all-ready sad situation. Here are some tips to save your marriage and how to avoid making those critical errors:
• You are already aware of the cracks in your marriage and one day your spouse announces his or her desire to end this agony. What is your first reaction? Anger, frustration, denial, aggression, tears? While these outbursts may be common when someone is pushed against the wall, it can never help to save your marriage. On the contrary, you need to be calm and collected and instead of reacting immaturely, take time to think more rationally about the steps you have to take to save your marriage. Crying, pleading or throwing tantrums never take anyone anywhere. You are simply pushing your spouse to follow his or her decision.
• To save your marriage, put an end to your endless stream of thoughts hovering around reasons why your marriage failed. Stop presuming for a change. Get the facts right - is there anyone else? Has the environment in the home got anything to do with it? Is your sex life satisfying? Who knows, with introspection, there could be several skeletons popping out of the in the cupboard? There could be issues with you, which need improvement or correction? Spend time to answer such questions before you try to pass on the blame on someone or something else.
• To save your marriage, it pays to remain hopeful and develop a positive attitude. Remember if you ask for doom, it would come. On the contrary, if you pin your hopes on all that went right, on all the reasons that kept you together for so long, focus on those strength areas and develop them further. There is no point in being fatalistic or pessimistic about the future. To save your marriage, you might need to take some harsh decisions, give up on some old habits and learn to bend more than you are used to.
• A marriage is about a relationship between two people. Therefore to save your marriage, nothing can be achieved single-handedly. You need the support and cooperation of your spouse all the way. And the only way you can involve your spouse in the process to save your marriage, is to have a frank and open discussion about your intentions. Ask his or her opinion about what could be the problem areas and work jointly so that the solution is mutually acceptable. It is futile to take unilateral decisions, even if they are made with all good intentions. To save your marriage is likewise a joint decision.
Why is saving your marriage so important to you?
Because a good relationship is one of the most treasured of human interactions... especially marriage! We all want to be loved. There are the great times together, the shared dreams and visions, the mutual likes and dislikes and more. Great relationships are essential for enjoying a good quality of life. They color everything else around us.
Losing a spouse is one of the most emotionally traumatizing episodes in our life. It is amazing how the very thing that brings us the most pleasure also brings with it the most grief.
But don't give up on the love of your life yet. There is still hope! You can reverse deterioration of your marriage and successfully reconnect with your spouse. Use my professional and personal experience to learn how you can bring the passion back into your marriage
Emma Audley
All of us think that we are right and the other person is wrong. Spouse wanted space and you gave it. Spouse wanted a vacation and you acceded and so on. Despite making all the necessary 'compromises' and adjustments all the way, why does it have to be that one fine day you find that there are serious cracks in your marriage? Most of us get quite overwhelmed when a steady situation shows signs of imbalance. When the apple-cart tilts, we get nervous because we do now know how to manage change. So in a bid to save your marriage, you end up making some serious errors in judgment which further ruin your chances to save your marriage and worsens the all-ready sad situation. Here are some tips to save your marriage and how to avoid making those critical errors:
• You are already aware of the cracks in your marriage and one day your spouse announces his or her desire to end this agony. What is your first reaction? Anger, frustration, denial, aggression, tears? While these outbursts may be common when someone is pushed against the wall, it can never help to save your marriage. On the contrary, you need to be calm and collected and instead of reacting immaturely, take time to think more rationally about the steps you have to take to save your marriage. Crying, pleading or throwing tantrums never take anyone anywhere. You are simply pushing your spouse to follow his or her decision.
• To save your marriage, put an end to your endless stream of thoughts hovering around reasons why your marriage failed. Stop presuming for a change. Get the facts right - is there anyone else? Has the environment in the home got anything to do with it? Is your sex life satisfying? Who knows, with introspection, there could be several skeletons popping out of the in the cupboard? There could be issues with you, which need improvement or correction? Spend time to answer such questions before you try to pass on the blame on someone or something else.
• To save your marriage, it pays to remain hopeful and develop a positive attitude. Remember if you ask for doom, it would come. On the contrary, if you pin your hopes on all that went right, on all the reasons that kept you together for so long, focus on those strength areas and develop them further. There is no point in being fatalistic or pessimistic about the future. To save your marriage, you might need to take some harsh decisions, give up on some old habits and learn to bend more than you are used to.
• A marriage is about a relationship between two people. Therefore to save your marriage, nothing can be achieved single-handedly. You need the support and cooperation of your spouse all the way. And the only way you can involve your spouse in the process to save your marriage, is to have a frank and open discussion about your intentions. Ask his or her opinion about what could be the problem areas and work jointly so that the solution is mutually acceptable. It is futile to take unilateral decisions, even if they are made with all good intentions. To save your marriage is likewise a joint decision.
Why is saving your marriage so important to you?
Because a good relationship is one of the most treasured of human interactions... especially marriage! We all want to be loved. There are the great times together, the shared dreams and visions, the mutual likes and dislikes and more. Great relationships are essential for enjoying a good quality of life. They color everything else around us.
Losing a spouse is one of the most emotionally traumatizing episodes in our life. It is amazing how the very thing that brings us the most pleasure also brings with it the most grief.
But don't give up on the love of your life yet. There is still hope! You can reverse deterioration of your marriage and successfully reconnect with your spouse. Use my professional and personal experience to learn how you can bring the passion back into your marriage
Emma Audley
Friday, September 4, 2009
Have You Called Your Mother Lately?
When I worked in the old Bell System, Mother's Day was our largest day of toll revenue (long distance calls). We decided to try to enhance it even more and hired Alabama's legendary coach, Paul "Bear" Bryant to do a commercial for Mother's Day.
He was seated in his office in his crimson sweater to film a commercial that would become legendary. He was supposed to end in that old gravelly voice of his, "Have you called yo mama lately?" He did, but then he paused and went a bit off script. He looked far away as if to Heaven, and wistfully thought out loud, "I sure wish I could."
The old Bell System network could barely handle all the calls home to "mama" after the commercial aired. We had never seen anything like it. Lewis Grizzard wrote about it, and men made speeches about it.
Memories of that commercial made me think of my departed mother and a special Mother's Day, how I wish I could call her, and what I would say if she asked, "Son, I hear you say you want to serve Christ, but if they arrested you for being a Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict you?"
Many years ago, my mother rode the bus from her home near Tupelo, Miss. to visit me in Georgia. My 5-foot-3-inch, gray-haired little tornado had a layover in Atlanta. The neighborhood near the bus station had fallen on hard times, and a few unsavory characters lurked nearby. Mother's eyes fell upon a young girl of about 12 or 13 sitting across the station alone. Her eyes darted to and fro. She looked scared, and she had runaway written in the strain of her young face.
A stereotypical pimp suddenly appeared and began to circle the girl like a vulture. They trolled such places for runaways who were desperate and vulnerable, fresh recruits for the mean streets of the inner city. The 6-foot-4 predator began to talk to the girl. "Are you hungry baby? I'll feed you. Do you need a place to stay tonight? I'll put you up at my place." And, of course, the rest of the story is all too familiar. The girl would be out on the streets and likely dead by her 20s from street violence, drug overdose or AIDS.
My petite Mom looked around and everyone's eyes were averted, looking at the floor. No one wanted to get involved, the curse of our times. Mother stood up, marched defiantly to the girl, forced herself between the towering pimp and the scared little rabbit, and said, "C'mon honey, you are going to sit with me!" Then she gave the pimp "The Look." It was the look my brother and I avoided like the plague growing up. It was like looking down Dirty Harry's .44 magnum and hearing him say, "Go ahead, make my day!" He withered under her glare, and Mother robbed him of his prey. She took the young girl with her, and they talked. Mother bought her a bus ticket home to Louisiana.
That little girl will never know who that angel was who came into her life and saved her. There were no crowds applauding, no plaques to be given out. Mother was alone with her conscience and her God and displayed what real character is all about: doing the right thing when no one is watching.
On Mother's Day in 2003 as I came home, I thought of that day in Atlanta and many others like it where Mother modeled the code she lived by. Mother had fallen on Christmas Eve while going to work at age 84. She remained a personal care giver for the elderly and the terminally ill and would still today had her own strong body not finally betrayed her unbreakable spirit and will. She suffered a cerebral hemorrhage, and we spent Christmas and New Year's in the hospital trying to relieve the damage to her precious hard head we credited with her survival.
She began to recover from her fall and was determined to show her mettle, the stuff that strong women of her generation seemed to have in abundance. She called just before Mother's Day and said something was wrong, and we were soon to find out why she really fell and what they had missed at Christmas.
Mother and I went to the doctors prepared. We arrived with a detailed list of symptoms and pertinent data to enable him to see this patient, not as an old lady to be dismissed with the usual prescription for painkillers, but a person suffering from a serious ailment.
The young doctor was not jaded and was very aggressive and after some x-rays, he told us that he thought Mother's cancer had returned. It had been 16 years since her mastectomy, but he felt that was it was cancer based on the pictures. Something about that word, cancer, that implies something evil and invasive, not like a failing heart or liver, but something dark and sinister.
The test confirmed the worst: stage 4, inoperable. We made the rounds of the specialists, drawing fluid from her chest, listening to the pros and cons, and finally enough was enough, and we opted for the hospice program. I agreed to stay with Mother as her primary care-giver, and it was the most difficult, trying thing I have ever done. The time with her was also a gift from God.
I would like to say that Mother imparted great wisdom and insights to me, but she had already done that through her many examples of courage and character like the time in Atlanta. The 11 weeks I spent with her did yield precious memories of days gone by, people gone but not forgotten, a sense of who the people I came from really were and priceless moments saying nothing more than "that peach tasted delicious," or "that back rub was wonderful," and "I love you, son."
Just before the end, it seemed the animals of the forests began to gather round her house on the edge of her ancient forest. The birds she fed came in an abundance of colors, songbirds sang at our windows and peered in at the woman who cared for them. Rabbits munched on her daylilies at our front door and refused to run away when approached. Even a pair of elusive fox came up at dusk as the Whippoorwill's call echoed through the hollows of Temple Grove.
Mother looked at me, and said, "Son, do you hear the birds singing?" "Yes, I do," I answered. "No," she said, as she clutched her Bible, "I mean the one who answered me during my prayers?" Not long after that, Mother was gone, her pain relieved, and with a look on her face that suggested she knew something that we did not, but one day would.
Have you called your Mama lately?
Merle Temple
He was seated in his office in his crimson sweater to film a commercial that would become legendary. He was supposed to end in that old gravelly voice of his, "Have you called yo mama lately?" He did, but then he paused and went a bit off script. He looked far away as if to Heaven, and wistfully thought out loud, "I sure wish I could."
The old Bell System network could barely handle all the calls home to "mama" after the commercial aired. We had never seen anything like it. Lewis Grizzard wrote about it, and men made speeches about it.
Memories of that commercial made me think of my departed mother and a special Mother's Day, how I wish I could call her, and what I would say if she asked, "Son, I hear you say you want to serve Christ, but if they arrested you for being a Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict you?"
Many years ago, my mother rode the bus from her home near Tupelo, Miss. to visit me in Georgia. My 5-foot-3-inch, gray-haired little tornado had a layover in Atlanta. The neighborhood near the bus station had fallen on hard times, and a few unsavory characters lurked nearby. Mother's eyes fell upon a young girl of about 12 or 13 sitting across the station alone. Her eyes darted to and fro. She looked scared, and she had runaway written in the strain of her young face.
A stereotypical pimp suddenly appeared and began to circle the girl like a vulture. They trolled such places for runaways who were desperate and vulnerable, fresh recruits for the mean streets of the inner city. The 6-foot-4 predator began to talk to the girl. "Are you hungry baby? I'll feed you. Do you need a place to stay tonight? I'll put you up at my place." And, of course, the rest of the story is all too familiar. The girl would be out on the streets and likely dead by her 20s from street violence, drug overdose or AIDS.
My petite Mom looked around and everyone's eyes were averted, looking at the floor. No one wanted to get involved, the curse of our times. Mother stood up, marched defiantly to the girl, forced herself between the towering pimp and the scared little rabbit, and said, "C'mon honey, you are going to sit with me!" Then she gave the pimp "The Look." It was the look my brother and I avoided like the plague growing up. It was like looking down Dirty Harry's .44 magnum and hearing him say, "Go ahead, make my day!" He withered under her glare, and Mother robbed him of his prey. She took the young girl with her, and they talked. Mother bought her a bus ticket home to Louisiana.
That little girl will never know who that angel was who came into her life and saved her. There were no crowds applauding, no plaques to be given out. Mother was alone with her conscience and her God and displayed what real character is all about: doing the right thing when no one is watching.
On Mother's Day in 2003 as I came home, I thought of that day in Atlanta and many others like it where Mother modeled the code she lived by. Mother had fallen on Christmas Eve while going to work at age 84. She remained a personal care giver for the elderly and the terminally ill and would still today had her own strong body not finally betrayed her unbreakable spirit and will. She suffered a cerebral hemorrhage, and we spent Christmas and New Year's in the hospital trying to relieve the damage to her precious hard head we credited with her survival.
She began to recover from her fall and was determined to show her mettle, the stuff that strong women of her generation seemed to have in abundance. She called just before Mother's Day and said something was wrong, and we were soon to find out why she really fell and what they had missed at Christmas.
Mother and I went to the doctors prepared. We arrived with a detailed list of symptoms and pertinent data to enable him to see this patient, not as an old lady to be dismissed with the usual prescription for painkillers, but a person suffering from a serious ailment.
The young doctor was not jaded and was very aggressive and after some x-rays, he told us that he thought Mother's cancer had returned. It had been 16 years since her mastectomy, but he felt that was it was cancer based on the pictures. Something about that word, cancer, that implies something evil and invasive, not like a failing heart or liver, but something dark and sinister.
The test confirmed the worst: stage 4, inoperable. We made the rounds of the specialists, drawing fluid from her chest, listening to the pros and cons, and finally enough was enough, and we opted for the hospice program. I agreed to stay with Mother as her primary care-giver, and it was the most difficult, trying thing I have ever done. The time with her was also a gift from God.
I would like to say that Mother imparted great wisdom and insights to me, but she had already done that through her many examples of courage and character like the time in Atlanta. The 11 weeks I spent with her did yield precious memories of days gone by, people gone but not forgotten, a sense of who the people I came from really were and priceless moments saying nothing more than "that peach tasted delicious," or "that back rub was wonderful," and "I love you, son."
Just before the end, it seemed the animals of the forests began to gather round her house on the edge of her ancient forest. The birds she fed came in an abundance of colors, songbirds sang at our windows and peered in at the woman who cared for them. Rabbits munched on her daylilies at our front door and refused to run away when approached. Even a pair of elusive fox came up at dusk as the Whippoorwill's call echoed through the hollows of Temple Grove.
Mother looked at me, and said, "Son, do you hear the birds singing?" "Yes, I do," I answered. "No," she said, as she clutched her Bible, "I mean the one who answered me during my prayers?" Not long after that, Mother was gone, her pain relieved, and with a look on her face that suggested she knew something that we did not, but one day would.
Have you called your Mama lately?
Merle Temple
Great Relationship Advice For Building a Strong Foundation
You've found your perfect partner and you want to find ways so you don't mess it up. Looking for tips at this stage is a great sign. For a fresh new relationship, getting advice on how to build a solid foundation will have a massive impact on your future together.
Be Your Real Self
Spending the initial months acting as someone your not is a complete waste of time, as in reality your partner won't know the real you. At the beginning of your relationship you should take it slowly. One of the fastest ways to kill a budding relationship is to jump into bed too soon or live like you're attached at the hip. No matter how crazy you are about each other, try not to spend every waking minute together. Take some timeout to spend with your friends and yourself. This will create some mystery and will help to keep your feet on the ground.
Maintain a friendship
Ultimately, friendship is the foundation of any happy, long-term relationship. Friendship will help to get you over the bumps in the road. Usually once we have been around another person for awhile we tend to take them for granted and nitpick their behavior. Don't fall into that trap. Even when you disagree, you need to treat your partner the same respect you'd show any other close friend.
Handle Conflict
While it may not be very comfortable, conflict is not only inevitable, it's also an opportunity for growth. Handling disagreements in a new way could reveal better ways of doing things.
The trick is not to let irritations build up. If something your partner does seriously bothers you, bring it up with kindness and gentleness. If may be easier to solve than you expect. Letting issues brew is a recipe for disaster. Learning new techniques and skills in communication is really important to keep your new relationship moving forward.
Learn new skills to make your relationship work
If you've found your true love. You should look at resources that teach you new skills that will allow you to have a successful partnership. Sure, no two relationships are the same, but the ones that last do have certain things in common.
Starting a new relationship isn't always easy but by starting off with the right tools it will enable you to build a strong base on which long term commitment depends on. The right advice at the beginning of your relationship will start you off on the path to success.
Tracey Todd
Be Your Real Self
Spending the initial months acting as someone your not is a complete waste of time, as in reality your partner won't know the real you. At the beginning of your relationship you should take it slowly. One of the fastest ways to kill a budding relationship is to jump into bed too soon or live like you're attached at the hip. No matter how crazy you are about each other, try not to spend every waking minute together. Take some timeout to spend with your friends and yourself. This will create some mystery and will help to keep your feet on the ground.
Maintain a friendship
Ultimately, friendship is the foundation of any happy, long-term relationship. Friendship will help to get you over the bumps in the road. Usually once we have been around another person for awhile we tend to take them for granted and nitpick their behavior. Don't fall into that trap. Even when you disagree, you need to treat your partner the same respect you'd show any other close friend.
Handle Conflict
While it may not be very comfortable, conflict is not only inevitable, it's also an opportunity for growth. Handling disagreements in a new way could reveal better ways of doing things.
The trick is not to let irritations build up. If something your partner does seriously bothers you, bring it up with kindness and gentleness. If may be easier to solve than you expect. Letting issues brew is a recipe for disaster. Learning new techniques and skills in communication is really important to keep your new relationship moving forward.
Learn new skills to make your relationship work
If you've found your true love. You should look at resources that teach you new skills that will allow you to have a successful partnership. Sure, no two relationships are the same, but the ones that last do have certain things in common.
Starting a new relationship isn't always easy but by starting off with the right tools it will enable you to build a strong base on which long term commitment depends on. The right advice at the beginning of your relationship will start you off on the path to success.
Tracey Todd
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Falling in Love With Your Best Friend? Can Friends Be Lovers?
What should you do if you find yourself falling in love with your best friend? Can a platonic friendship turn into a love relationship? Would you like some advice on how to make that guy your boyfriend? Following are some good bits of information to keep in mind if you suddenly find yourself in love with your best friend.
Slowly but noticeably change your relationship. You don't want to start throwing out romantic innuendoes right away, but you could become more involved with him and his activities. Let him see that you are attempting to spend more of your free time with him and that you really enjoy his company. He will get used to you being around for all of his good times also, and will realize that he misses you if you're not.
Make a conscious effort at this point to distance yourself from being one of the guys. Although that is how it's always been, you will need to change this if you are now falling in love with your best friend. You want him to look at you differently and this will be slightly awkward in the beginning, but worth it. Once again, you'll have to move gradually so as not to leave him shaking his head in disbelief as though he has no idea who you are anymore. He will begin to fall in line with your actions without even realizing it.
Now is the time to start flirting with him. This will also be a little awkward, but it will definitely be worth the effort. Practice subtlety as you do not want to scare him away with changes that may be too drastic. Add a little sensuality to your wardrobe and try to touch him for no reason at all. You can believe that he will notice and will be flattered as long as you don't go overboard.
Falling in love with your best friend can be a fabulous beginning. You already know each other's likes and dislikes, each other's temperament, and are reassured that you can always count on each other. The advantages are many, so follow this advice and you will get what you are hoping for.
Tina Jones
Slowly but noticeably change your relationship. You don't want to start throwing out romantic innuendoes right away, but you could become more involved with him and his activities. Let him see that you are attempting to spend more of your free time with him and that you really enjoy his company. He will get used to you being around for all of his good times also, and will realize that he misses you if you're not.
Make a conscious effort at this point to distance yourself from being one of the guys. Although that is how it's always been, you will need to change this if you are now falling in love with your best friend. You want him to look at you differently and this will be slightly awkward in the beginning, but worth it. Once again, you'll have to move gradually so as not to leave him shaking his head in disbelief as though he has no idea who you are anymore. He will begin to fall in line with your actions without even realizing it.
Now is the time to start flirting with him. This will also be a little awkward, but it will definitely be worth the effort. Practice subtlety as you do not want to scare him away with changes that may be too drastic. Add a little sensuality to your wardrobe and try to touch him for no reason at all. You can believe that he will notice and will be flattered as long as you don't go overboard.
Falling in love with your best friend can be a fabulous beginning. You already know each other's likes and dislikes, each other's temperament, and are reassured that you can always count on each other. The advantages are many, so follow this advice and you will get what you are hoping for.
Tina Jones
Is it Lust Or Love? Find Out How to Capture a Guy's Heart
Are you hoping to capture a guy's heart at long last? Are there really things that you can do to make him fall in love? Do you want to be more than his latest date? All you need to do to change how he thinks about you is to follow this surefire advice on how to capture a guy's heart and make him fall madly in love!
Connect With His Mind
You need to have brain sex with your guy long before you actually sleep with him. Stimulate his mind, find out what he's made of. Talk to him, build up a genuine friendship. Find out what you have in common and start to do these things together as a couple, or maybe within a group of friends. If he likes a certain author, read a couple of that author's books and discuss them with him. Let him know there's more to you than just a pretty face.
Build Respect For Each Other
Leading on from connecting with his mind, start to build a healthy respect for one another's views and opinions. Find something about him that you truly admire and let him know it! Ask for his opinion on important issues in your life and let him offer you guidance even if you think you know it all anyway. There is always something more to learn.
Abstain From Sex
For the short term at least, keep your relationship non-sexual. Flirt with the guy, let him know you find him sexually attractive, just don't go all the way too soon. Your relationship will be stronger for it in the long run. If you're not having sex, you'll be sure that it's love, not lust, that helped you to capture this guy's heart.
Tina L jones
Connect With His Mind
You need to have brain sex with your guy long before you actually sleep with him. Stimulate his mind, find out what he's made of. Talk to him, build up a genuine friendship. Find out what you have in common and start to do these things together as a couple, or maybe within a group of friends. If he likes a certain author, read a couple of that author's books and discuss them with him. Let him know there's more to you than just a pretty face.
Build Respect For Each Other
Leading on from connecting with his mind, start to build a healthy respect for one another's views and opinions. Find something about him that you truly admire and let him know it! Ask for his opinion on important issues in your life and let him offer you guidance even if you think you know it all anyway. There is always something more to learn.
Abstain From Sex
For the short term at least, keep your relationship non-sexual. Flirt with the guy, let him know you find him sexually attractive, just don't go all the way too soon. Your relationship will be stronger for it in the long run. If you're not having sex, you'll be sure that it's love, not lust, that helped you to capture this guy's heart.
Tina L jones
How to Resolve Communication Problems in Relationships and Marriage
Communication problems in relationships and marriage can crop up at any time. No matter how in love you both are, miscommunication can happen.
Male Vs Female Logic
Neither men or women are absolutely logical. Making an effort to understand how the opposite gender looks at marriage and relationships, will help avoid many problems in them.
Active Listening
Both of you are one half of the communication problem. You may feel like you know what your partner is going to say, that you finish one another's sentences. But much is gained by hearing your partner out . You can restate what you have heard to make sure it is correct. This shows your loved one respect.
Not The Blame Game
It is best to work things out peacefully, and that means avoiding blaming one another. Focus on resolving, rather than blaming. Make sure you state your case in specifics. "You make me unhappy" gives no clue how to change the situation. "I feel upset when you look at other women's (add body part)" is more specific, and therefore more workable.
Prove It!
When you are discussing problems in relationships and marriage, make sure you can prove what you say. This relates back to specifics also: "You disrespected me in front of our friends" is too vague. Respect or disrespect is subjective, and standards differ. However, "I was embarrassed when you told Tony I wouldn't get the job" shows exactly what you mean.
Honesty With Kindness
If you don't discuss communication problems in relationships and marriage then the problems will ultimately destroy them. So talk about problems and issues as they arise, but do so kindly. If you are gentle and respectful you will find solutions.
Probably your partner doesn't want to hurt you, they want your relationship or marriage to grow and mature. They may be upset that you are unhappy but if you approach them as you would like them to approach you, then you can deal with communication problems in relationships and marriage easily and completely.
When Sara came to me with communication problems in her relationship, then this is part of the advice that I gave her. She and her partner Terry put this advice to work in their marriage, and now they tell me they are happier than ever.
Both of their children seem to be more settled too, because they have learned to actively listen to one another, and there is less shouting in their home
Elizabeth Fitz
Male Vs Female Logic
Neither men or women are absolutely logical. Making an effort to understand how the opposite gender looks at marriage and relationships, will help avoid many problems in them.
Active Listening
Both of you are one half of the communication problem. You may feel like you know what your partner is going to say, that you finish one another's sentences. But much is gained by hearing your partner out . You can restate what you have heard to make sure it is correct. This shows your loved one respect.
Not The Blame Game
It is best to work things out peacefully, and that means avoiding blaming one another. Focus on resolving, rather than blaming. Make sure you state your case in specifics. "You make me unhappy" gives no clue how to change the situation. "I feel upset when you look at other women's (add body part)" is more specific, and therefore more workable.
Prove It!
When you are discussing problems in relationships and marriage, make sure you can prove what you say. This relates back to specifics also: "You disrespected me in front of our friends" is too vague. Respect or disrespect is subjective, and standards differ. However, "I was embarrassed when you told Tony I wouldn't get the job" shows exactly what you mean.
Honesty With Kindness
If you don't discuss communication problems in relationships and marriage then the problems will ultimately destroy them. So talk about problems and issues as they arise, but do so kindly. If you are gentle and respectful you will find solutions.
Probably your partner doesn't want to hurt you, they want your relationship or marriage to grow and mature. They may be upset that you are unhappy but if you approach them as you would like them to approach you, then you can deal with communication problems in relationships and marriage easily and completely.
When Sara came to me with communication problems in her relationship, then this is part of the advice that I gave her. She and her partner Terry put this advice to work in their marriage, and now they tell me they are happier than ever.
Both of their children seem to be more settled too, because they have learned to actively listen to one another, and there is less shouting in their home
Elizabeth Fitz
Three Keys to Better Relationships
Do you wish you could improve your relationships with family members and friends? Who wouldn't want to do that? The good news is that it can be done. Let's take a look at three ways you can get along better with anyone.
God's Word has a lot to say about relating to others, and some of the best principles are found in James 1:19. In the New King James Version, that verse reads, "So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God."
1.) Notice first that you should be "quick to hear." That sounds easy, but you know it's not. Our society and our educational system teaches us how to express ourselves. We're taught how to get our point across. But we are not taught how to listen to other people. How often do you really listen to your loved ones and friends? If you're like me, you're too busy thinking about what you want to say. You pretend to be listening to your friend, but your mind is elsewhere. So how do you begin to really listen to the other person? Three quick suggestions. Develop a genuine interest in other people. Be curious about them. Don't be so focused on yourself all the time that you forget to be interested in what interests them. Maintain proper eye contact with the other person in the conversation. You shouldn't stare, but nor should you be looking all over the room and watching other people while your friend is talking to you. And be accepting of your friend's views. You don't have to turn every conversation into a debate. That often generates tension. You can listen to your friend's opinion without giving up your own convictions. Lighten up a bit!
2.) Notice second that the verse tells you to be "slow to speak." It's pretty hard for your friend or family member to open up to you if you are talking so much that they don't get a chance to speak. Go ahead and share your thoughts, but pause once in a while and give the other person time to speak. You may have to wait for several seconds before the other person opens up, but force yourself to wait. Silence is not your enemy in a conversation.
3.) The author of this passage of Scripture left the hardest part for last. He says you should be "slow to anger." Now, some of you have a short fuse and some of you have one that's a bit longer. Either way, getting angry in relationships never produces anything good. As James says, "the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God." I don't have some kind of magic pill to give you to help you keep from getting angry. All I can do is encourage you to pray that God would curb your anger and fill your heart with His love and compassion for people. Nothing stops communication in my home quicker than when I lose my temper and get angry. You and I will never totally conquer sinful anger in our lives. Of course, there are times when it is proper to be angry; like when you see evil being done to other people, but there is also a negative, relationship-killing anger that we must resist. I've found that cultivating a genuine love for and interest in other people helps me avoid some of the anger that I might have otherwise expressed.
Well, that is a quick summary of three principles that will help you get along better with everyone you meet. Be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger! These principles take time to apply, but it is worth the effort.
Glen Averil
God's Word has a lot to say about relating to others, and some of the best principles are found in James 1:19. In the New King James Version, that verse reads, "So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God."
1.) Notice first that you should be "quick to hear." That sounds easy, but you know it's not. Our society and our educational system teaches us how to express ourselves. We're taught how to get our point across. But we are not taught how to listen to other people. How often do you really listen to your loved ones and friends? If you're like me, you're too busy thinking about what you want to say. You pretend to be listening to your friend, but your mind is elsewhere. So how do you begin to really listen to the other person? Three quick suggestions. Develop a genuine interest in other people. Be curious about them. Don't be so focused on yourself all the time that you forget to be interested in what interests them. Maintain proper eye contact with the other person in the conversation. You shouldn't stare, but nor should you be looking all over the room and watching other people while your friend is talking to you. And be accepting of your friend's views. You don't have to turn every conversation into a debate. That often generates tension. You can listen to your friend's opinion without giving up your own convictions. Lighten up a bit!
2.) Notice second that the verse tells you to be "slow to speak." It's pretty hard for your friend or family member to open up to you if you are talking so much that they don't get a chance to speak. Go ahead and share your thoughts, but pause once in a while and give the other person time to speak. You may have to wait for several seconds before the other person opens up, but force yourself to wait. Silence is not your enemy in a conversation.
3.) The author of this passage of Scripture left the hardest part for last. He says you should be "slow to anger." Now, some of you have a short fuse and some of you have one that's a bit longer. Either way, getting angry in relationships never produces anything good. As James says, "the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God." I don't have some kind of magic pill to give you to help you keep from getting angry. All I can do is encourage you to pray that God would curb your anger and fill your heart with His love and compassion for people. Nothing stops communication in my home quicker than when I lose my temper and get angry. You and I will never totally conquer sinful anger in our lives. Of course, there are times when it is proper to be angry; like when you see evil being done to other people, but there is also a negative, relationship-killing anger that we must resist. I've found that cultivating a genuine love for and interest in other people helps me avoid some of the anger that I might have otherwise expressed.
Well, that is a quick summary of three principles that will help you get along better with everyone you meet. Be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger! These principles take time to apply, but it is worth the effort.
Glen Averil
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Effective Communication in Relationships - Speak Respectfully & Directly
Let your speech be always full of grace, seasoned with salt. ~ Colossians 4:6
Have you ever started an innocent conversation with someone only to have it disintegrate into anger or frustration? We sometimes try to pinpoint where it all went wrong; but a more useful starting point may be, "What can I do to prevent it?" Other than those lopsided encounters with someone who talks as if there's no tomorrow, most conversations include a give and take in which we alternate roles of speaker and listener. Following are "ground rules" that can be helpful in any interaction. The focus here is on the speaker role and, in particular, those talks in which you need to address an area of conflict, a sensitive topic, or something that bothers you. By "speaker role" I mean times when you have a complaint against someone as opposed to those situations when someone's pointing out a problem he has with you.
Is this really an issue?
It's amazingly easy to get caught up in drama. Before you go charging into a fray, ask yourself, "Is this important, or am I making a big deal out of nothing?" It's so tempting to convince ourselves that we're dealing with a real problem. Put it on hold for a day or two before addressing the issue. Allowing your emotions to take over is counter-productive; approach the situation as calmly as possible. By taking a long deep breath you enable yourself to be objective.
Be respectful.
Resolve to be respectful with the other person. In order for you to be effective it will help a great deal if you aren't critical. Being negative or condescending will alienate others and make it difficult for them to listen to your perspective. Rather than point out how he's wrong, focus instead on a goal. It's easy for a person to feel defensive. If he does, let him know that you simply want a new outcome.
Be direct.
Being direct is probably the most difficult of all these guidelines. Too often we tiptoe around an issue and don't say exactly what we mean. This doesn't mean you should "just be honest." We sometimes use honesty as an excuse to be mean. At the same time it's important that you get to the point. Don't make the mistake of thinking that being direct is offensive; it isn't, if your intention is one of compassion and respect. A great way to be direct is to take responsibility for your choices and thoughts. Rather than saying, "I don't think what you're doing is right," say, "I want you to stop what you've been doing." In the first statement you place the responsibility on morality - right and wrong; in the second statement you take the responsibility yourself - "This is what I want."
Stay focused.
You can get off track in thousands of ways. Regardless what the other person says, remember the reason you brought up the discussion; return to the topic anytime either of you veers off course. If the other person makes some kind of counter-argument, acknowledge it when true; but return to your original issue. Don't get caught up with tangential problems.
Be willing to listen.
Finally, sometimes it's important to change to the listener role. Learn how to ask questions, see the other person's point of view, and create a connection. Make connection your primary goal rather than resolution - communication first, solution later. Your efforts to become a better speaker and listener can create the foundation necessary for problem solving and result in deeper, richer relationships.
David Cantu
Have you ever started an innocent conversation with someone only to have it disintegrate into anger or frustration? We sometimes try to pinpoint where it all went wrong; but a more useful starting point may be, "What can I do to prevent it?" Other than those lopsided encounters with someone who talks as if there's no tomorrow, most conversations include a give and take in which we alternate roles of speaker and listener. Following are "ground rules" that can be helpful in any interaction. The focus here is on the speaker role and, in particular, those talks in which you need to address an area of conflict, a sensitive topic, or something that bothers you. By "speaker role" I mean times when you have a complaint against someone as opposed to those situations when someone's pointing out a problem he has with you.
Is this really an issue?
It's amazingly easy to get caught up in drama. Before you go charging into a fray, ask yourself, "Is this important, or am I making a big deal out of nothing?" It's so tempting to convince ourselves that we're dealing with a real problem. Put it on hold for a day or two before addressing the issue. Allowing your emotions to take over is counter-productive; approach the situation as calmly as possible. By taking a long deep breath you enable yourself to be objective.
Be respectful.
Resolve to be respectful with the other person. In order for you to be effective it will help a great deal if you aren't critical. Being negative or condescending will alienate others and make it difficult for them to listen to your perspective. Rather than point out how he's wrong, focus instead on a goal. It's easy for a person to feel defensive. If he does, let him know that you simply want a new outcome.
Be direct.
Being direct is probably the most difficult of all these guidelines. Too often we tiptoe around an issue and don't say exactly what we mean. This doesn't mean you should "just be honest." We sometimes use honesty as an excuse to be mean. At the same time it's important that you get to the point. Don't make the mistake of thinking that being direct is offensive; it isn't, if your intention is one of compassion and respect. A great way to be direct is to take responsibility for your choices and thoughts. Rather than saying, "I don't think what you're doing is right," say, "I want you to stop what you've been doing." In the first statement you place the responsibility on morality - right and wrong; in the second statement you take the responsibility yourself - "This is what I want."
Stay focused.
You can get off track in thousands of ways. Regardless what the other person says, remember the reason you brought up the discussion; return to the topic anytime either of you veers off course. If the other person makes some kind of counter-argument, acknowledge it when true; but return to your original issue. Don't get caught up with tangential problems.
Be willing to listen.
Finally, sometimes it's important to change to the listener role. Learn how to ask questions, see the other person's point of view, and create a connection. Make connection your primary goal rather than resolution - communication first, solution later. Your efforts to become a better speaker and listener can create the foundation necessary for problem solving and result in deeper, richer relationships.
David Cantu
Communication - One Key to Successful Relationships
Listening is one of the greatest priceless gifts you can give to another person. Know that how you communicate, in any relationship, will make or break that relationship.
How often have you heard about marriages or friendships breaking up because of a lack of communication--even if there was talking-or a miscommunication?
Here is your opportunity to be the expert listener so there is no miscommunication, no lack of communication nor lack of respect.
So, you are there 100% with them. You listen the way they want to be heard. And you want to ask them, "Is this something that is just between you and me or, if there is somebody else involved, is it okay for them to know about this?"
You need to 100% respect whatever they tell you. If they share a problem they are having with somebody else and they do not want you to share it with that somebody else, do not share with that somebody else.
If this is your child coming to you to talk about a problem and they don't want the other parent to know about it-don't share it with the other parent. If you want that person to trust you then give that person a reason to trust you.
Now, if they share something that happened between them and the other parent or some other person then listen first and then ask if it is okay for you to make suggestions. And especially if it is some issue between them and the other parent or some other person, let them know they cannot fix that issue by talking to you.
Remember your role in this communication is to deliver to them what is in their highest and best interest. It is all about them. It is not about you. They don't come to you to talk to you about you. They come to you to figure out what to do in their life to keep moving forward.
Now, all that said, if your child or friend did something illegal you need to be able to talk, quite frankly, about how you feel about what they did and what you feel you'd like them to do. And that doesn't mean you are going to break their confidence.
Unless your child or friend did or is planning to do something that poses a danger to themselves or to others, you need to maintain their confidence, and to be okay with it yourself. Then you want to tell them that you need to ask some questions so you understand what is going on.
The purpose here is not for you to just sit there and listen with no input (unless they asked you just listen and have not done anything illegal or anything to hurt another person or property). When well being and the law are at stake you do not sit back and watch somebody hurt themselves by doing something unlawful.
Be wise and be a full out 100% participant. Be sure your head is clear and you have no agenda in the conversation other than fulfilling the way they want you to listen to them.
Your communication patterns operate out of your awareness--on automatic, The bottom line is only you can change your life...when you are ready to do so. Knowing the programs running your subconscious mind allows you to override what does not work and replace it with programs that do work.
Ali Bierman
How often have you heard about marriages or friendships breaking up because of a lack of communication--even if there was talking-or a miscommunication?
Here is your opportunity to be the expert listener so there is no miscommunication, no lack of communication nor lack of respect.
So, you are there 100% with them. You listen the way they want to be heard. And you want to ask them, "Is this something that is just between you and me or, if there is somebody else involved, is it okay for them to know about this?"
You need to 100% respect whatever they tell you. If they share a problem they are having with somebody else and they do not want you to share it with that somebody else, do not share with that somebody else.
If this is your child coming to you to talk about a problem and they don't want the other parent to know about it-don't share it with the other parent. If you want that person to trust you then give that person a reason to trust you.
Now, if they share something that happened between them and the other parent or some other person then listen first and then ask if it is okay for you to make suggestions. And especially if it is some issue between them and the other parent or some other person, let them know they cannot fix that issue by talking to you.
Remember your role in this communication is to deliver to them what is in their highest and best interest. It is all about them. It is not about you. They don't come to you to talk to you about you. They come to you to figure out what to do in their life to keep moving forward.
Now, all that said, if your child or friend did something illegal you need to be able to talk, quite frankly, about how you feel about what they did and what you feel you'd like them to do. And that doesn't mean you are going to break their confidence.
Unless your child or friend did or is planning to do something that poses a danger to themselves or to others, you need to maintain their confidence, and to be okay with it yourself. Then you want to tell them that you need to ask some questions so you understand what is going on.
The purpose here is not for you to just sit there and listen with no input (unless they asked you just listen and have not done anything illegal or anything to hurt another person or property). When well being and the law are at stake you do not sit back and watch somebody hurt themselves by doing something unlawful.
Be wise and be a full out 100% participant. Be sure your head is clear and you have no agenda in the conversation other than fulfilling the way they want you to listen to them.
Your communication patterns operate out of your awareness--on automatic, The bottom line is only you can change your life...when you are ready to do so. Knowing the programs running your subconscious mind allows you to override what does not work and replace it with programs that do work.
Ali Bierman
Monday, August 24, 2009
A Journey to Find the Right Person
It all starts with yourself. If you really want to find your soul mate, you have to believe that your soul mate is out there, waiting for you, and therefore, you also have to work hard at finding that person. Here are some suggestions to find your soul mate.
1. Know yourself It's difficult to find the love of your life if you yourself do not understand who you really are. Many people fall into a trap. They think that their soul mate will save them from their uninteresting life. This is exactly not true. If you like to do something artistic for instance, just do it. Do not be afraid that people might perceive you as crazy. If you like it, go for it. Enjoy yourself. You have to enjoy your life. If you are pleased with your life, it will surely attract your true love.
2. Be yourself You don't have to be what others are saying in order to find your true love. You are unique! Your true love will understand you, and will absolutely be interested in who you really are. If that person doesn't, and wants you to be someone else, this person is truly not your soul mate.
3. Be Open to every possibility When you are open to every possibility, you will be ready the right one comes along. You will appreciate people for who they really are and ready to receive the unexpected.
4. Be patient You can't expect this world to follow your time schedule. Be more flexible. Be patient, and feel sure and secure that you know that your mate is somewhere out there. This person will just come when the time is right.
If you follow those steps, you will find that your life becomes easier and the journey is worth the wait.
Annie Sherwood
1. Know yourself It's difficult to find the love of your life if you yourself do not understand who you really are. Many people fall into a trap. They think that their soul mate will save them from their uninteresting life. This is exactly not true. If you like to do something artistic for instance, just do it. Do not be afraid that people might perceive you as crazy. If you like it, go for it. Enjoy yourself. You have to enjoy your life. If you are pleased with your life, it will surely attract your true love.
2. Be yourself You don't have to be what others are saying in order to find your true love. You are unique! Your true love will understand you, and will absolutely be interested in who you really are. If that person doesn't, and wants you to be someone else, this person is truly not your soul mate.
3. Be Open to every possibility When you are open to every possibility, you will be ready the right one comes along. You will appreciate people for who they really are and ready to receive the unexpected.
4. Be patient You can't expect this world to follow your time schedule. Be more flexible. Be patient, and feel sure and secure that you know that your mate is somewhere out there. This person will just come when the time is right.
If you follow those steps, you will find that your life becomes easier and the journey is worth the wait.
Annie Sherwood
Three Tips to a Healthy Love Life
Maintaining a healthy relationship is a very hard thing to do these days. There are so many things that can go wrong. Men and women are also so different that most of them have a hard time trying to see past each other's differences. Some think that taking a break from life and getting away to places such as a Kauai vacation home using Poipu vacation rentals may cure every problem they run in to but this is a very common misconception. Things like relationships need a lot of work and can't just simply be cured with a kiss or an expensive getaway.
One of the most important things to do when trying to keep a relationship going strong is to listen to one another. If one partner does all of the complaining and talking, there is obviously no room for the other to probably get any sort of word in edgewise. Both sides of the relationship need to be speaking up and voicing their problems and even their compliments. Each person needs to carry his or her own weight in this coexistence. If one side had more say and never listened to the other person's, there would be a crack that would only get bigger and bigger. This would eventually destroy the relationship to the extent that both parties would be crushed and would take a while to recover.
Another main thing to pay attention to is consideration. In a relationship, there needs to be respect on either side for one another. One partner should never abuse or hurt the other in any way, shape, or form. This rule goes for both physically and mentally. Many people believe that abuse can solely come from physical beatings. This assumption, however, is incorrect. Actually, many abusive relationships come from the words and comments uttered by a partner. The person in the relationship loves and cares for this partner so much that they listen and believe in their heart that what their partner says goes. The abusiveness comes about when the admired partner starts taking this admiration for granted and using it to their advantage by putting the other one down.
The final and most important thing to have in a relationship is trust. Trust is, hands down, the strongest thing in a relationship and will be the thing that keeps married couples together until they part from the earth. Without trust, there is no relationship because you will never be able to fully put your heart in the other's hands. If one partner knows that their equal had full trust in them and they trusted them completely, there would be no fights because each would believe that the other was always doing what is in the best's interest. This creates an overwhelming sense of comfort and admiration. From these sprout the stems of love that keep growing into eternal adoration.
These three tips are extremely vital in making a relationship work out. They do not come easily and take a long time to work on but with a lot of determination, they can be labored through so that you and your partner can have a happy life together. This may take a couple tries and a few partners because no match is perfect. It is guaranteed that the more you work on it, the more you will be able to understand them and understand you partner fully so that you both can live a good love life.
Connor R sulliavan
One of the most important things to do when trying to keep a relationship going strong is to listen to one another. If one partner does all of the complaining and talking, there is obviously no room for the other to probably get any sort of word in edgewise. Both sides of the relationship need to be speaking up and voicing their problems and even their compliments. Each person needs to carry his or her own weight in this coexistence. If one side had more say and never listened to the other person's, there would be a crack that would only get bigger and bigger. This would eventually destroy the relationship to the extent that both parties would be crushed and would take a while to recover.
Another main thing to pay attention to is consideration. In a relationship, there needs to be respect on either side for one another. One partner should never abuse or hurt the other in any way, shape, or form. This rule goes for both physically and mentally. Many people believe that abuse can solely come from physical beatings. This assumption, however, is incorrect. Actually, many abusive relationships come from the words and comments uttered by a partner. The person in the relationship loves and cares for this partner so much that they listen and believe in their heart that what their partner says goes. The abusiveness comes about when the admired partner starts taking this admiration for granted and using it to their advantage by putting the other one down.
The final and most important thing to have in a relationship is trust. Trust is, hands down, the strongest thing in a relationship and will be the thing that keeps married couples together until they part from the earth. Without trust, there is no relationship because you will never be able to fully put your heart in the other's hands. If one partner knows that their equal had full trust in them and they trusted them completely, there would be no fights because each would believe that the other was always doing what is in the best's interest. This creates an overwhelming sense of comfort and admiration. From these sprout the stems of love that keep growing into eternal adoration.
These three tips are extremely vital in making a relationship work out. They do not come easily and take a long time to work on but with a lot of determination, they can be labored through so that you and your partner can have a happy life together. This may take a couple tries and a few partners because no match is perfect. It is guaranteed that the more you work on it, the more you will be able to understand them and understand you partner fully so that you both can live a good love life.
Connor R sulliavan
Friday, August 21, 2009
The Meaning of Friendship
Friendship is about bonding. It is about reciprocating the care you receive from a person and at the same time respecting the other persons view. A friend does not judge you by wealth or position, he or she is there with you during your bad times. He is like the pillar of strength you can rely on and also share your apprehensions about the various aspects in life. Friendship blossoms each day and one must make time to strengthen the bond.
Days and events are important during friendship. It is vital for us to remember the important days in our friend's life. Friendship is also about trust. One is able to open up freely to the person who is your friend because you know you will not be judged. It is fine to express your inhibitions and also seek the advice of your friend but at the same time friendship is also respecting the other person's predicament. Many a times the friend is not available owing to familial reasons or other commitments and jealously can mar the fragile bond of friendship.
Situations in life often make us realize who our true friends are. We may be surrounded by a group of people whom we meet but it is only with a particular person we are able to relate. This is because there is a certain chemistry, understanding and also respect which you find in this true friend. It is our duty to bring a friend to the right path but too much of criticism will spoil the friendship.
We choose different vocations and reside in various locations and hence friendship gets separated owing to distance. Communication lines are accessible to all of us who want to connect with a lot of friends. Friends from our Alma Mater, friends from our previous jobs and also friends who have migrated to different lands can be contacted easily with the help of technology. There are No excuses in friendship.
The test of friendship is during critical circumstances. When you are down and out the best friend is still next to you. He or she gives you the biggest support with kind words and assures you that life is truly a great gift. A good friend is a rare gem and we need to polish this bond with the goodness of friendship.
Jennie gandhi
Days and events are important during friendship. It is vital for us to remember the important days in our friend's life. Friendship is also about trust. One is able to open up freely to the person who is your friend because you know you will not be judged. It is fine to express your inhibitions and also seek the advice of your friend but at the same time friendship is also respecting the other person's predicament. Many a times the friend is not available owing to familial reasons or other commitments and jealously can mar the fragile bond of friendship.
Situations in life often make us realize who our true friends are. We may be surrounded by a group of people whom we meet but it is only with a particular person we are able to relate. This is because there is a certain chemistry, understanding and also respect which you find in this true friend. It is our duty to bring a friend to the right path but too much of criticism will spoil the friendship.
We choose different vocations and reside in various locations and hence friendship gets separated owing to distance. Communication lines are accessible to all of us who want to connect with a lot of friends. Friends from our Alma Mater, friends from our previous jobs and also friends who have migrated to different lands can be contacted easily with the help of technology. There are No excuses in friendship.
The test of friendship is during critical circumstances. When you are down and out the best friend is still next to you. He or she gives you the biggest support with kind words and assures you that life is truly a great gift. A good friend is a rare gem and we need to polish this bond with the goodness of friendship.
Jennie gandhi
12 Ingredients to True and Lasting Friendships
There comes a time in our lives when we must decide with finality whether or not we are going to follow Christ in earnest. We want to know God's Will, set in our hearts to do it, but when it comes to action, we run the other way. Why? Most of the time, God's Will requires that we totally trust His leading without having the slightest hint of what the future holds. It requires change from the norm. Often enough, that change is convoluted and mysterious. We don't like that and that is where the struggle begins. Following the Will of God suddenly becomes following Him "our way".
In his fine book, "Experiencing God", Henry Blackaby wrote, "You cannot continue life as usual or stay where you are, and go with God at the same time. That is true throughout Scripture. Noah could not continue life as usual and build an ark at the same time Jonah had to leave his home and overcome a major prejudice in order to preach in Nineveh. Saul (later Paul) had to completely change directions in life in order to be used of God to preach the Gospel to the Gentiles."
What does it cost to follow Jesus? Often times, the cost is more than we want to pay comfortably. What we really want is a comfortable relationship with Him just as long as He doesn't interrupt our lives. It's true that Jesus always accepts us where we are. However, He never leaves us there. When the prodigal son returned home, his father did not leave him the way he arrived. Gold rings, robes, feasting (and a bath I hope!) were heaped on the son.
We need to understand that Jesus is Our Friend. To understand our relationship as His friends, we need to learn the true definition of a friend, according to Scriptures. I believe that once we do that, our struggles to follow the Will of God become less and less. At the same time, we learn how to be true friends to others.
Twelve (12) Ingredients to Successful Friendships:
1.Love:
Read Proverbs 17:17. The word "friend" is so misused today that it has lost its true meaning. A true friend loves even when it's sorely uncomfortable. A friend is a friend even when it hurts. A friend never leaves you flat when everyone else has. When adversity strikes, a true friend is there with you. In a marriage, your spouse is your best human friend or should be. And you, because you know what Jesus requires of a friend, you are your spouses best friend. A friend loves you when you stink, when you're grumpy and when you've gained 50 pounds. When you're sick, a friend will cook homemade chicken soup and if necessary, spoon-feed you. May I ask? Are you this kind of friend?
2.Commitment:
Read 1 Cor 13:7. One word sums up this passage: Hosea. I got the point with Hosea because some Christians will declare, "I am not Jesus!" That's very true. But there is the human non-God example of true commitment. Do you have a Gomer in your life? All things are possible through Christ, including loving the unlovable.
3.Honesty:
Read Ephesians 4:15. We love to tell others about themselves and have the audacity to call it "being honest". Let's ask ourselves this: what was the intent? Was it to edify or to bring down? The answer to this question will reveal to us if we spoke in love. Proverbs 27:17,19 explains this further.
4.Trust:
Read Proverbs 20:6. Can you recall a time when you messed up so badly that you wish someone would understand you? You realized how stupid your mistake was and you wish you could make it right with your friend? Jesus does that. We can trust Him to have our best interests in mind, even when we mess up royally. Has someone hurt you? Can you be trusted to forgive and forget? Can you be trusted to be a true friend? It's very hard, I know. I've wrestle with it daily. Yet, it's not impossible. Besides, Jesus requires us to do the same as He did on the Cross.
5.Loyalty:
Read Proverbs 17:17. How loyal are we? I can tell you this: Jesus is absolutely loyal to us. Would you be loyal even when at times it is downright unbearable? I was delivering flowers many years ago to this beautiful home. I rang the doorbell and waited. An older man, bent over and frail, answered the door. I was puzzled because the card was addressed to a lady. When I asked about this, he waved me in and told me to deliver it to his wife. The moment I stepped over the threshold, I froze in my tracks. His wife was sitting in her chair, even more frail and immobilized. Next to her on the table was a soup bowl. In her husband's hand was a spoon. On her chest was a bib. This bent over frail old man had been feeding his beloved. I delivered her flowers and left. In my van, I choked back my tears. Jesus had just taught me what loyalty meant.
6.Communication/Sharing:
Read Hebrews 13:16. Do we communicate well? I am not talking about just yapping non-stop. I knew a florist once. She had always wanted flowers from her man. He never gave her a flower because he thought he could never give her the right kind of rose. In his mind, he thought she would criticize the flower and indirectly criticizing him. Little did he know that he was actually communicating a different message to his girlfriend. What message are you communicating to your friend?
7.Support:
Read Ecc: 9, 10. This one is self-explanatory. We all have been in situations when we had no one, relatives or otherwise to turn to in times of troubles. Even God said it is not good for man to be alone. Are you a supporting friend? Can you be counted on to be a friend at 3 am?
8.Encouragement:
Read Philippians 4:8. We all have something that needs changing and we know it. What we fail to realize that there are lovely things about ourselves. Jesus encourages us. He is our cheerleader. He is our personal trainer. He says that even our feet our lovely to Him. Have we looked at the good qualities of our friends? Or are we critical? At one time or another, our friends are going to down in the pits. We need not to be like Job's friends. Rather, we need to be like Christ encouraging and speaking lovely things over our friends.
9.Kindness:
Read Job 6:14. So our friend messed it up again! What is our response? What is Jesus' response to us when we mess up over and over again? What would you like it to be? Can we suffer our friends and be kind anyway? Remember, the same mercy you show will be the same mercy that will be shown to you in your time of need.
10.Availability:
Read Proverbs 27:10. The phone rings at 3:00 am. It's your friend. S/he needs to talk. S/he was just told that their spouse wants a divorce. They are devastated. You just went to bed two hours ago. You were preparing a presentation for your boss and you're bone tired. Will you mumble something and return to bed? Or will you get up, make some coffee and talk with your friend in need?
11.Confidence/Dependability:
Read Galatians 5:10. Trials have just arrived for your friends and you know he heaped it upon himself. What do you do? Will you stop visiting, talking, counseling and praying for him? Would you buy a bag of groceries for him? What would you do? Can you be a dependable friend in his time of need? Or would you abandon him like the disciples abandoned Jesus? Did Jesus abandon you?
12.Forgiveness:
Read Proverbs 17:9. I have to admit I have been guilty of this one in particular. I met a person long ago, who has been in trouble for most of her life. You could set your clock with her propensity to get into a mess. I would sit down with her and counsel her at length. But for all the counseling, I never gave her a chance. I did what others had done to her. I was guilty just the same. I did not forgive and forget. I did not think lovely things about this young one. I failed in my walk with Christ.
You see, if we are truly followers of Christ, as much as it is possible, we are to be true friends to others around us. True friendship is valuable and never easy. When we think of true friendship light of Matthew 25:31-46, it is a necessity and a command of God to His children.
Jonny Riviera
In his fine book, "Experiencing God", Henry Blackaby wrote, "You cannot continue life as usual or stay where you are, and go with God at the same time. That is true throughout Scripture. Noah could not continue life as usual and build an ark at the same time Jonah had to leave his home and overcome a major prejudice in order to preach in Nineveh. Saul (later Paul) had to completely change directions in life in order to be used of God to preach the Gospel to the Gentiles."
What does it cost to follow Jesus? Often times, the cost is more than we want to pay comfortably. What we really want is a comfortable relationship with Him just as long as He doesn't interrupt our lives. It's true that Jesus always accepts us where we are. However, He never leaves us there. When the prodigal son returned home, his father did not leave him the way he arrived. Gold rings, robes, feasting (and a bath I hope!) were heaped on the son.
We need to understand that Jesus is Our Friend. To understand our relationship as His friends, we need to learn the true definition of a friend, according to Scriptures. I believe that once we do that, our struggles to follow the Will of God become less and less. At the same time, we learn how to be true friends to others.
Twelve (12) Ingredients to Successful Friendships:
1.Love:
Read Proverbs 17:17. The word "friend" is so misused today that it has lost its true meaning. A true friend loves even when it's sorely uncomfortable. A friend is a friend even when it hurts. A friend never leaves you flat when everyone else has. When adversity strikes, a true friend is there with you. In a marriage, your spouse is your best human friend or should be. And you, because you know what Jesus requires of a friend, you are your spouses best friend. A friend loves you when you stink, when you're grumpy and when you've gained 50 pounds. When you're sick, a friend will cook homemade chicken soup and if necessary, spoon-feed you. May I ask? Are you this kind of friend?
2.Commitment:
Read 1 Cor 13:7. One word sums up this passage: Hosea. I got the point with Hosea because some Christians will declare, "I am not Jesus!" That's very true. But there is the human non-God example of true commitment. Do you have a Gomer in your life? All things are possible through Christ, including loving the unlovable.
3.Honesty:
Read Ephesians 4:15. We love to tell others about themselves and have the audacity to call it "being honest". Let's ask ourselves this: what was the intent? Was it to edify or to bring down? The answer to this question will reveal to us if we spoke in love. Proverbs 27:17,19 explains this further.
4.Trust:
Read Proverbs 20:6. Can you recall a time when you messed up so badly that you wish someone would understand you? You realized how stupid your mistake was and you wish you could make it right with your friend? Jesus does that. We can trust Him to have our best interests in mind, even when we mess up royally. Has someone hurt you? Can you be trusted to forgive and forget? Can you be trusted to be a true friend? It's very hard, I know. I've wrestle with it daily. Yet, it's not impossible. Besides, Jesus requires us to do the same as He did on the Cross.
5.Loyalty:
Read Proverbs 17:17. How loyal are we? I can tell you this: Jesus is absolutely loyal to us. Would you be loyal even when at times it is downright unbearable? I was delivering flowers many years ago to this beautiful home. I rang the doorbell and waited. An older man, bent over and frail, answered the door. I was puzzled because the card was addressed to a lady. When I asked about this, he waved me in and told me to deliver it to his wife. The moment I stepped over the threshold, I froze in my tracks. His wife was sitting in her chair, even more frail and immobilized. Next to her on the table was a soup bowl. In her husband's hand was a spoon. On her chest was a bib. This bent over frail old man had been feeding his beloved. I delivered her flowers and left. In my van, I choked back my tears. Jesus had just taught me what loyalty meant.
6.Communication/Sharing:
Read Hebrews 13:16. Do we communicate well? I am not talking about just yapping non-stop. I knew a florist once. She had always wanted flowers from her man. He never gave her a flower because he thought he could never give her the right kind of rose. In his mind, he thought she would criticize the flower and indirectly criticizing him. Little did he know that he was actually communicating a different message to his girlfriend. What message are you communicating to your friend?
7.Support:
Read Ecc: 9, 10. This one is self-explanatory. We all have been in situations when we had no one, relatives or otherwise to turn to in times of troubles. Even God said it is not good for man to be alone. Are you a supporting friend? Can you be counted on to be a friend at 3 am?
8.Encouragement:
Read Philippians 4:8. We all have something that needs changing and we know it. What we fail to realize that there are lovely things about ourselves. Jesus encourages us. He is our cheerleader. He is our personal trainer. He says that even our feet our lovely to Him. Have we looked at the good qualities of our friends? Or are we critical? At one time or another, our friends are going to down in the pits. We need not to be like Job's friends. Rather, we need to be like Christ encouraging and speaking lovely things over our friends.
9.Kindness:
Read Job 6:14. So our friend messed it up again! What is our response? What is Jesus' response to us when we mess up over and over again? What would you like it to be? Can we suffer our friends and be kind anyway? Remember, the same mercy you show will be the same mercy that will be shown to you in your time of need.
10.Availability:
Read Proverbs 27:10. The phone rings at 3:00 am. It's your friend. S/he needs to talk. S/he was just told that their spouse wants a divorce. They are devastated. You just went to bed two hours ago. You were preparing a presentation for your boss and you're bone tired. Will you mumble something and return to bed? Or will you get up, make some coffee and talk with your friend in need?
11.Confidence/Dependability:
Read Galatians 5:10. Trials have just arrived for your friends and you know he heaped it upon himself. What do you do? Will you stop visiting, talking, counseling and praying for him? Would you buy a bag of groceries for him? What would you do? Can you be a dependable friend in his time of need? Or would you abandon him like the disciples abandoned Jesus? Did Jesus abandon you?
12.Forgiveness:
Read Proverbs 17:9. I have to admit I have been guilty of this one in particular. I met a person long ago, who has been in trouble for most of her life. You could set your clock with her propensity to get into a mess. I would sit down with her and counsel her at length. But for all the counseling, I never gave her a chance. I did what others had done to her. I was guilty just the same. I did not forgive and forget. I did not think lovely things about this young one. I failed in my walk with Christ.
You see, if we are truly followers of Christ, as much as it is possible, we are to be true friends to others around us. True friendship is valuable and never easy. When we think of true friendship light of Matthew 25:31-46, it is a necessity and a command of God to His children.
Jonny Riviera
How to Be a Real Friend
In this crazy world where relationships often last about as long as a Popsicle on a hot summer day, it's nice to know that it is possible to actually make and keep friends. There is an art to being a friend and it's one that has to be practiced and perfected like any other kind of art. If you want to have a friend, you must learn to be a friend and here are some suggestions that will help you in that quest.
When you hit it off with someone and find that you have a lot in common and enjoying spending time together, it's only natural that you would want to continue that relationship. You'll want to pursue the friendship but not as such a pace that it frightens off the object of your interest. Be constant but not overbearing. Suggest getting together but if you sense a hesitancy on the part of your friend, back off a bit and give them a little space. Everyone is different in how quickly they like to develop a relationship. Respect their parameters.
Become familiar with the moods of your friend so that you can be uplifting when you sense the need for that, or perhaps so you can inject some humor when things are getting rather "heavy" or just a listening ear when that is what is called for. Be there for your friend because chances are very good that they will be there for you when you have those needs.
Cherish the friendship for the treasure that it is. Real relationships are a lot of work and worth every bit of the effort that you put into them, so plan to be there for the long haul. Make sure your friend knows they can count on you in good times and in bad times and that you are not judging them. You don't have to agree with everything they do or say to be a friend, it's okay and perfectly normal to see things from an entirely different perspective. In fact, those differences can be very helpful in maintaining a good balance both for yourself and your friend.
You should be able to have great laughs, good cries and wonderful experiences with a true friend but don't expect every day to be a great day. Friendships go through ups and downs like almost every other relationship. It's all so worth it and you can count yourself a blessed person indeed if you have a true friend that will be with you through the thick and thin times of life.
Nancy kelsey Smith
When you hit it off with someone and find that you have a lot in common and enjoying spending time together, it's only natural that you would want to continue that relationship. You'll want to pursue the friendship but not as such a pace that it frightens off the object of your interest. Be constant but not overbearing. Suggest getting together but if you sense a hesitancy on the part of your friend, back off a bit and give them a little space. Everyone is different in how quickly they like to develop a relationship. Respect their parameters.
Become familiar with the moods of your friend so that you can be uplifting when you sense the need for that, or perhaps so you can inject some humor when things are getting rather "heavy" or just a listening ear when that is what is called for. Be there for your friend because chances are very good that they will be there for you when you have those needs.
Cherish the friendship for the treasure that it is. Real relationships are a lot of work and worth every bit of the effort that you put into them, so plan to be there for the long haul. Make sure your friend knows they can count on you in good times and in bad times and that you are not judging them. You don't have to agree with everything they do or say to be a friend, it's okay and perfectly normal to see things from an entirely different perspective. In fact, those differences can be very helpful in maintaining a good balance both for yourself and your friend.
You should be able to have great laughs, good cries and wonderful experiences with a true friend but don't expect every day to be a great day. Friendships go through ups and downs like almost every other relationship. It's all so worth it and you can count yourself a blessed person indeed if you have a true friend that will be with you through the thick and thin times of life.
Nancy kelsey Smith
Turn Enemies Into Friends
Imagine all the enemies in your life converted to rewarding, lasting friendships, wouldn't that be something? How many more friends would you have? How would that change your outlook on life? Obviously, only positive outcomes could occur, but is it possible? You'll be surprised to find that not only is it possible, but easy and even fun! Here are some tips to convert your most despised enemies into long lasting friendships.
Discuss with them, things that neutral. Avoid topics that may lead to why you two aren't friends in the first place. Discuss things that don't contribute to a mutual hatred. Try to talk about things that they are good at. Complement them for what they have achieved. This conveys that there is little hostility felt by you. If you keep a respectful manor, no matter what happened in the past, your rival will do the same. But be sure not to be too nice or it will seem like you have no intention of becoming building a friendship, rather, simply condescending or teasing them.
Discuss something that is a shared passion between the two of you. (If you both like: pets, sports, etc.). Nothing will unite two people as a mutual passion for something will. There will always be something you two feel similarly about even if it doesn't seem like it.
Ask for their advice. Not only does this help with making enemies, friends, it can be used to make friends in general. Asking for advice from someone displays a deep sentiment of trust and respect for the recipient.
Make sure, when they are not around, you maintain the same level of respect you would if they were standing right next to you. Do not speak negatively about them to other people, try to avoid the topic of your enemy altogether but if forced, be sure to speak only positively. The worst thing that can happened when starting a new friendship is for them to hear your gossips, especially from others.
Treat them as you would any other friend, this means telling jokes, showing empathy, etc. Act normal. This will make them feel as though you two have been friends for a long time and will allow them to forget the differences in the past.
After they have become a relatively trusted and close friend, tell that you are sorry for what happened in the past and that you hope that you two could put it all behind. At this stage, they will likely follow suit. Create a productive friendship. Invite them over for a family gathering, a barbeque. Invite them to go camping. The possibilities are endless. By doing this, you are ensuring that the friendship endures for many years.
There you have it, you are now ready to convert your most hated enemies into your most trusted friends.
David Z
Discuss with them, things that neutral. Avoid topics that may lead to why you two aren't friends in the first place. Discuss things that don't contribute to a mutual hatred. Try to talk about things that they are good at. Complement them for what they have achieved. This conveys that there is little hostility felt by you. If you keep a respectful manor, no matter what happened in the past, your rival will do the same. But be sure not to be too nice or it will seem like you have no intention of becoming building a friendship, rather, simply condescending or teasing them.
Discuss something that is a shared passion between the two of you. (If you both like: pets, sports, etc.). Nothing will unite two people as a mutual passion for something will. There will always be something you two feel similarly about even if it doesn't seem like it.
Ask for their advice. Not only does this help with making enemies, friends, it can be used to make friends in general. Asking for advice from someone displays a deep sentiment of trust and respect for the recipient.
Make sure, when they are not around, you maintain the same level of respect you would if they were standing right next to you. Do not speak negatively about them to other people, try to avoid the topic of your enemy altogether but if forced, be sure to speak only positively. The worst thing that can happened when starting a new friendship is for them to hear your gossips, especially from others.
Treat them as you would any other friend, this means telling jokes, showing empathy, etc. Act normal. This will make them feel as though you two have been friends for a long time and will allow them to forget the differences in the past.
After they have become a relatively trusted and close friend, tell that you are sorry for what happened in the past and that you hope that you two could put it all behind. At this stage, they will likely follow suit. Create a productive friendship. Invite them over for a family gathering, a barbeque. Invite them to go camping. The possibilities are endless. By doing this, you are ensuring that the friendship endures for many years.
There you have it, you are now ready to convert your most hated enemies into your most trusted friends.
David Z
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Surviving the Relationship Recession
It's hard not to read a paper, watch the news or look at your portfolio without feeling depressed about the current economy. I have been wondering how the current economic climate is impacting relationships. How is your relationship faring in this economic downturn? Of course, many individuals are suffering financially and it is inevitable that this will place stress on families and relationships.
However, I think this recession is a gift wrapped in dirty paper. You don't have to have a relationship recession! What I mean by that is that there are always opportunities in tough times, and the opportunity here is to come back to forming and maintaining loving, healthy and life affirming relationships. The great thing about relationships is they don't cost anything! At this time there are even more reasons to head out and connect with the people you care about.
Maybe 'date night' with your partner will start with dinner at home and then you go out for a glass of wine to a vibrant wine bar or cafe to soak up the atmosphere. Perhaps you will have a coffee with your friend, instead of spending an afternoon shopping for clothes. For a small amount of money, you get to enjoy the wonderful company of your friend and catch up on all the news, without the stress of thinking how much is this long lunch costing me? And have you ever been at a restaurant with a large group of friends when you only have an entree and drink mineral water, and then at the end of the evening you split the bill for everyone's 3 courses and numerous bottles of wine? Yes, we've all been there and it hurts! Instead, have your friends over for dinner and each bring a plate of food and a bottle. It's really about the company, and who can beat your own warm dining room, ambient music and no wait staff tapping their fingers and waiting for you to leave the restaurant!
While all the news in the economy might be about scarcity, I want you to think of your relationships with an attitude of abundance! The challenge of this time is to focus on listening, sharing and connecting, so that you can create relationships that have greater meaning to you. Think about how you can invest more in your relationships. Consider all the ways you can appreciate and enjoy the company of those you love and care for. Remember, when you invest in your relationships, the dividends are always high.
Clinton power
However, I think this recession is a gift wrapped in dirty paper. You don't have to have a relationship recession! What I mean by that is that there are always opportunities in tough times, and the opportunity here is to come back to forming and maintaining loving, healthy and life affirming relationships. The great thing about relationships is they don't cost anything! At this time there are even more reasons to head out and connect with the people you care about.
Maybe 'date night' with your partner will start with dinner at home and then you go out for a glass of wine to a vibrant wine bar or cafe to soak up the atmosphere. Perhaps you will have a coffee with your friend, instead of spending an afternoon shopping for clothes. For a small amount of money, you get to enjoy the wonderful company of your friend and catch up on all the news, without the stress of thinking how much is this long lunch costing me? And have you ever been at a restaurant with a large group of friends when you only have an entree and drink mineral water, and then at the end of the evening you split the bill for everyone's 3 courses and numerous bottles of wine? Yes, we've all been there and it hurts! Instead, have your friends over for dinner and each bring a plate of food and a bottle. It's really about the company, and who can beat your own warm dining room, ambient music and no wait staff tapping their fingers and waiting for you to leave the restaurant!
While all the news in the economy might be about scarcity, I want you to think of your relationships with an attitude of abundance! The challenge of this time is to focus on listening, sharing and connecting, so that you can create relationships that have greater meaning to you. Think about how you can invest more in your relationships. Consider all the ways you can appreciate and enjoy the company of those you love and care for. Remember, when you invest in your relationships, the dividends are always high.
Clinton power
Boundaries Are Like Your Skin - Don't Leave Home Without It!
People will often experience stress, depression, anxiety and/or addiction as a result of what's going on in their relationships. Often this is due to a lack of a healthy boundary between ourselves and our own needs and the needs and expectations of others. Poor boundaries will often lead to unhealthy relationships, stress, depression, anxiety, addiction and not to mention, poor self esteem!
So, what is a boundary? The simplest and most common analogy that clarifies what a boundary is and the importance of having boundaries ...is one of the most obvious and easy to remember....your skin!
Our skin is a boundary. It keeps our insides protected from the outside environment. Imagine what your life would be like if you didn't have any skin? Life would be quite difficult if all of our internal parts were exposed to our external environment, the scorching heat, cold frost, prickly plants or our pets jumping on our bodies ... ouch! Imagine what life would be like without that boundary.
Having boundaries is key to living a healthy and happy life. Think about it, even though our skin is a boundary for our internal tissue, we protect our skin by shielding it with clothing, protective sunscreen or other protective cover to ensure that our skin is able to do its job which is to protect our insides. If we didn't have this protection, we would start to feel pretty exposed, burned, cold and perhaps feel violated both literally and figuratively.
Did you know that nobody respects a person whom they can use? People use people they can use, and respect people they can't use. What are your needs? Perhaps it starts with the need of setting a limit asserting yourself by saying "No" to what you don't want anymore.
Paul Radkowski
So, what is a boundary? The simplest and most common analogy that clarifies what a boundary is and the importance of having boundaries ...is one of the most obvious and easy to remember....your skin!
Our skin is a boundary. It keeps our insides protected from the outside environment. Imagine what your life would be like if you didn't have any skin? Life would be quite difficult if all of our internal parts were exposed to our external environment, the scorching heat, cold frost, prickly plants or our pets jumping on our bodies ... ouch! Imagine what life would be like without that boundary.
Having boundaries is key to living a healthy and happy life. Think about it, even though our skin is a boundary for our internal tissue, we protect our skin by shielding it with clothing, protective sunscreen or other protective cover to ensure that our skin is able to do its job which is to protect our insides. If we didn't have this protection, we would start to feel pretty exposed, burned, cold and perhaps feel violated both literally and figuratively.
Did you know that nobody respects a person whom they can use? People use people they can use, and respect people they can't use. What are your needs? Perhaps it starts with the need of setting a limit asserting yourself by saying "No" to what you don't want anymore.
Paul Radkowski
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
How to Open Up the Lines of Communication and Maintain a Healthy Relationship
When you start out in a relationship everything seems to flow. All is smooth sailing and you're happy to do whatever your sweetie wants. You see only the good in them and want to spend as much time as possible with them. Communicating is a breeze and you both hit the ground running for a successful relationship.
Then, as things progress, you start to see some of their flaws, you start to realize that you don't always want to go along with their plans and you have to start communicating on a deeper level.
It's at this point that things can become tricky. It's here where you can either go down the path of a breakup OR turn the tables and open up the lines of communication to resurrect your relationship and iron out your differences. No two people are ever the same. Big surprise I know.
So for a relationship to last, you NEED to have:
Some common interests Without this, you'll spend less and less time together and have less and less to talk about.
Communication is always up there as one of the main ingredients of a flourishing relationship. So it's vital you hone this skill. If you don't want to waste your time, make sure you get involved with someone with whom you have enough in common.
When you do things together, you get to know each on a deeper level. You're not only communicating through speech, but also through body language, friendship, love and support for each other. Respect for each other grows, each of your guards is let down, and both your heart's grow fond on each other. Now that's a formula for a successful relationship!
Next item on the agenda.
Communication With Ease And Without Hesitation. How easy can you talk to your ex on things? If you say something, are you worried that your ex will jump down your throat? Are you worried they won't take you seriously?
How about employing the three C's (Calm, Cool and Collected). Even if your ex turns into a raging pitbull, you can quickly calm that rage, and mellow them out to a state of total relaxation. It really is quite powerful.
Using the three C's, you can more easily,
Avoid fighting, and ensure both of you can discuss issues in a chilled-out way.
Be taken seriously by your ex. Do You Really Know What Your Ex Wants? No matter how close two people are, we are not mind readers, and there will be times when you don't know what your partner wants. So how do you get partner's inner thoughts out into the open? It's crucial to "get" these inner thoughts so that you can understand why your breakup occurred and what you can do to fix it.
Don't Shut Down The Channels Of Communication The moment you start evading issues and topics; the moment you start talking in half-truths and holding-back, is the moment you're wandering into the land of dishonesty. Dishonesty is a sure-fire way of shutting down the channels of communication.
If you're open and honest, the task ahead of sorting out any difficulties will become that so much easier.
Where Do You Focus Your Energy? Do you focus on the negative or positive side of your ex?
Your ex won't want to communicate when they see that everything you do and say as "an attack" on their flaws? Your ex won't want to communicate when nothing ever seems good enough. If you look for the negative, you'll find it; if you look for the positive, you'll find it too. Focus on the positive things in your ex and show them you appreciate these things.
Jay Kern
Then, as things progress, you start to see some of their flaws, you start to realize that you don't always want to go along with their plans and you have to start communicating on a deeper level.
It's at this point that things can become tricky. It's here where you can either go down the path of a breakup OR turn the tables and open up the lines of communication to resurrect your relationship and iron out your differences. No two people are ever the same. Big surprise I know.
So for a relationship to last, you NEED to have:
Some common interests Without this, you'll spend less and less time together and have less and less to talk about.
Communication is always up there as one of the main ingredients of a flourishing relationship. So it's vital you hone this skill. If you don't want to waste your time, make sure you get involved with someone with whom you have enough in common.
When you do things together, you get to know each on a deeper level. You're not only communicating through speech, but also through body language, friendship, love and support for each other. Respect for each other grows, each of your guards is let down, and both your heart's grow fond on each other. Now that's a formula for a successful relationship!
Next item on the agenda.
Communication With Ease And Without Hesitation. How easy can you talk to your ex on things? If you say something, are you worried that your ex will jump down your throat? Are you worried they won't take you seriously?
How about employing the three C's (Calm, Cool and Collected). Even if your ex turns into a raging pitbull, you can quickly calm that rage, and mellow them out to a state of total relaxation. It really is quite powerful.
Using the three C's, you can more easily,
Avoid fighting, and ensure both of you can discuss issues in a chilled-out way.
Be taken seriously by your ex. Do You Really Know What Your Ex Wants? No matter how close two people are, we are not mind readers, and there will be times when you don't know what your partner wants. So how do you get partner's inner thoughts out into the open? It's crucial to "get" these inner thoughts so that you can understand why your breakup occurred and what you can do to fix it.
Don't Shut Down The Channels Of Communication The moment you start evading issues and topics; the moment you start talking in half-truths and holding-back, is the moment you're wandering into the land of dishonesty. Dishonesty is a sure-fire way of shutting down the channels of communication.
If you're open and honest, the task ahead of sorting out any difficulties will become that so much easier.
Where Do You Focus Your Energy? Do you focus on the negative or positive side of your ex?
Your ex won't want to communicate when they see that everything you do and say as "an attack" on their flaws? Your ex won't want to communicate when nothing ever seems good enough. If you look for the negative, you'll find it; if you look for the positive, you'll find it too. Focus on the positive things in your ex and show them you appreciate these things.
Jay Kern
How to Pass Through Barriers of Communication
Here are some rules for us to minimize the effects of bad communication.
1. Communication should be planned;
2. The precise determination of purpose is needed;
3. The communication must be done carefully;
4. Ideas needs first to be clarified before communicated;
5. The words should carefully be chosen and used in the good context;
Culture, background and the influences - our experience can sometimes influence the quality of messages delivered or received. Culture, for example, can sometimes be a disturbing factor of communication, making it inefficient to understand a new message if it is not framed in the context of the culture.
Own person - when in a discussion one partner focuses on their own person, it misses what the other partner need to say.
Background noise - some equipment or even the environment can cause disruption of communication. So who delivers a message and one that receives will be forced to make a further effort to communicate effectively.
Stress - it is known that stress affects the communication process in the sense that a stressed person no longer receives a message as he normally does.
Perception - When a person speaks too fast, not in fluent way or is not properly articulating words we are tempted to no longer give all the attention.
Ideal would be that the communication is impeccable and there is a universal language neutral to assure the accuracy of the process. Unfortunately though, it does not exist except in particular situations. In common situations, disturbances are pervasive factors and only through a sustained effort, those who participate in the communication can remove or minimize the influences may be in providing an efficient communication, which is intended from the beginning.
Christian Florescu
1. Communication should be planned;
2. The precise determination of purpose is needed;
3. The communication must be done carefully;
4. Ideas needs first to be clarified before communicated;
5. The words should carefully be chosen and used in the good context;
Culture, background and the influences - our experience can sometimes influence the quality of messages delivered or received. Culture, for example, can sometimes be a disturbing factor of communication, making it inefficient to understand a new message if it is not framed in the context of the culture.
Own person - when in a discussion one partner focuses on their own person, it misses what the other partner need to say.
Background noise - some equipment or even the environment can cause disruption of communication. So who delivers a message and one that receives will be forced to make a further effort to communicate effectively.
Stress - it is known that stress affects the communication process in the sense that a stressed person no longer receives a message as he normally does.
Perception - When a person speaks too fast, not in fluent way or is not properly articulating words we are tempted to no longer give all the attention.
Ideal would be that the communication is impeccable and there is a universal language neutral to assure the accuracy of the process. Unfortunately though, it does not exist except in particular situations. In common situations, disturbances are pervasive factors and only through a sustained effort, those who participate in the communication can remove or minimize the influences may be in providing an efficient communication, which is intended from the beginning.
Christian Florescu
How to Get on With People You Don't Like
People behave the way they do for two main reasons-they don't know any other way of behaving or they believe that that behavior gets the outcomes they want. Managers are likely to come across at least one employee whose behavior they don't like, with whom they don't see eye to eye, or whom they dislike for some other reason. The challenge resides with managers. Are they flexible enough to bring about desired changes in the employee and the relationship? Here are a few considerations...
1. Try to be tolerant. The fact that you don't like certain employees should not be allowed to affect the way you relate to them. You have to be tolerant and positive in your attitude toward such people. Try to adopt a relaxed, confident, easygoing style to demonstrate that you are not put off by people who can be hard to get on with.
2. Practice liking people. Will Rogers adopted the famous line 'I never met a man I didn't like' as his way of getting on with people. Other successful ways include these: • Create opportunities to recognize an individual's achievements. • Remember people's names. • Treat all people with respect. • Concentrate only on the work context. • Focus on the person's good points; don't be too critical. Remember Richard Burton's description of Elizabeth Taylor: 'Her arms are too fat, her legs are too short, she is too big in the bust, she has an incipient double chin, and she has a slight pot belly'. He still married her-twice.
3. Be flexible about how you respond to the behavior of others. If you learn to be flexible in the way you react to difficult people, you'll learn to live with their unpleasantness. The secret is to choose an appropriate response to particular behaviors. For example, • If the person always reacts aggressively, give responsibility and encourage ownership. • If the person carries a personal grudge, avoid discussions about pet peeves. • If the person never admits being in the wrong, avoid direct criticism, sarcasm, and ridicule. Deal with the problem in private. • If the person is argumentative, stay calm and cite hard facts and figures to present an alternative position. • If the person is over-talkative, have someone 'interrupt' you at a prescribed time, or plead another appointment, or start to move away. • Practice tact-the ability to rub out another's faults instead of rubbing them in.
4. Keep your work relationship formal but friendly. Being formal does not mean avoiding the employee altogether. It means that you confine your interest in that person to work-related matters. In fact, by dealing with the employee in this way, interactions will be kept to a minimum and will not interfere with work outcomes. Let the employee make the first move to discuss any matters not specifically related to the job.
5. Never let a relationship cloud your managerial responsibilities. Do not let testy relationships with difficult people inhibit your managerial style. Indeed, you should try extra hard to involve such people by delegating appropriate tasks and inviting them to participate in committees, working parties, and other essential activities. Managers who set out to be liked by everyone all the time are heading for problems-just as those who do not attempt to patch up differences will inherit a similar batch of managerial headaches.
6. Talk to the employee. Life is too short to get trapped into playing games such as 'I don't like you' or 'I'm not talking to you'. If there's a problem with an employee, discuss it maturely and non-threateningly. You will have taken the first step to a possible resolution of any conflict.
7. Make changes. As a result of talking over the matter with the employee, you may be able to recommend some changes. If you are in the wrong in any way, admit it and resolve to do something about it. If the employee is in the wrong, reach agreement about particular changes to be made. Let the person see that you are eager to operate in a friendlier way than in the past.
8. Develop coping skills. Your desire to get on with all behavioral types will require that you improve some existing skills and take on new ones. By your actions you will demonstrate your intention to get on with all people-even those you don't like.
9. Remove ego. If allowed to go unchecked, your ego may be acting against you getting on well with others, including those you don't necessarily like. Cooperation is alien to the ego, except when there is a secondary motive. You'll find that the more you include others, the more smoothly things flow and the more easily things come to you. Eckhart Tolle in A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose, makes the point that, when you give little or no help to others or even put obstacles in their path, the universe - in the form of people and circumstances - gives little or no help to you because you have cut yourself of from the whole. Your resentment of another person's success curtails your own chances of success. You can't afford not to get on with all people
Dr Neil Flanagan
1. Try to be tolerant. The fact that you don't like certain employees should not be allowed to affect the way you relate to them. You have to be tolerant and positive in your attitude toward such people. Try to adopt a relaxed, confident, easygoing style to demonstrate that you are not put off by people who can be hard to get on with.
2. Practice liking people. Will Rogers adopted the famous line 'I never met a man I didn't like' as his way of getting on with people. Other successful ways include these: • Create opportunities to recognize an individual's achievements. • Remember people's names. • Treat all people with respect. • Concentrate only on the work context. • Focus on the person's good points; don't be too critical. Remember Richard Burton's description of Elizabeth Taylor: 'Her arms are too fat, her legs are too short, she is too big in the bust, she has an incipient double chin, and she has a slight pot belly'. He still married her-twice.
3. Be flexible about how you respond to the behavior of others. If you learn to be flexible in the way you react to difficult people, you'll learn to live with their unpleasantness. The secret is to choose an appropriate response to particular behaviors. For example, • If the person always reacts aggressively, give responsibility and encourage ownership. • If the person carries a personal grudge, avoid discussions about pet peeves. • If the person never admits being in the wrong, avoid direct criticism, sarcasm, and ridicule. Deal with the problem in private. • If the person is argumentative, stay calm and cite hard facts and figures to present an alternative position. • If the person is over-talkative, have someone 'interrupt' you at a prescribed time, or plead another appointment, or start to move away. • Practice tact-the ability to rub out another's faults instead of rubbing them in.
4. Keep your work relationship formal but friendly. Being formal does not mean avoiding the employee altogether. It means that you confine your interest in that person to work-related matters. In fact, by dealing with the employee in this way, interactions will be kept to a minimum and will not interfere with work outcomes. Let the employee make the first move to discuss any matters not specifically related to the job.
5. Never let a relationship cloud your managerial responsibilities. Do not let testy relationships with difficult people inhibit your managerial style. Indeed, you should try extra hard to involve such people by delegating appropriate tasks and inviting them to participate in committees, working parties, and other essential activities. Managers who set out to be liked by everyone all the time are heading for problems-just as those who do not attempt to patch up differences will inherit a similar batch of managerial headaches.
6. Talk to the employee. Life is too short to get trapped into playing games such as 'I don't like you' or 'I'm not talking to you'. If there's a problem with an employee, discuss it maturely and non-threateningly. You will have taken the first step to a possible resolution of any conflict.
7. Make changes. As a result of talking over the matter with the employee, you may be able to recommend some changes. If you are in the wrong in any way, admit it and resolve to do something about it. If the employee is in the wrong, reach agreement about particular changes to be made. Let the person see that you are eager to operate in a friendlier way than in the past.
8. Develop coping skills. Your desire to get on with all behavioral types will require that you improve some existing skills and take on new ones. By your actions you will demonstrate your intention to get on with all people-even those you don't like.
9. Remove ego. If allowed to go unchecked, your ego may be acting against you getting on well with others, including those you don't necessarily like. Cooperation is alien to the ego, except when there is a secondary motive. You'll find that the more you include others, the more smoothly things flow and the more easily things come to you. Eckhart Tolle in A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose, makes the point that, when you give little or no help to others or even put obstacles in their path, the universe - in the form of people and circumstances - gives little or no help to you because you have cut yourself of from the whole. Your resentment of another person's success curtails your own chances of success. You can't afford not to get on with all people
Dr Neil Flanagan
How to Keep Him - Communication is the Key to the Best Relationships
It is so easy to express your thoughts and emotions with your girlfriends. So why is it so hard to have the same type of communication with your man? The reality is: men and women communicate in such different manners.
When women talk to their girlfriends, they spare no detail. They talk about their thoughts and the depth of their feelings and how those feelings make them react. When men talk, they get to the point with as little detail as possible and they're done.
It's like shopping. When a man goes to the mall, he knows exactly what store has his product. He goes directly to the store, purchases the first item that meets his needs and promptly leaves the mall. Women spend countless hours browsing from item to item. Men don't browse. They get in and they get out.
To establish good communication with your man, you need to learn how to talk to him. It is very different than talking to your girlfriends. Watch him when he speaks. All men have hot buttons that should never be pushed. They also have buttons that can be pushed with great results. Learn which buttons are off limits and which are open targets.
Pay attention to his body language. Does he tune you out when you begin to speak? If he does, you need to change your approach. Don't start your conversation with judgment. Don't compound your conversation with your opinion of his shortcomings and how he should correct them. If you start with either of these approaches, you'll never establish the level of communication you're seeking.
There is a time and place for everything. Don't start your conversations criticizing him or his actions. The topic of his selfishness shouldn't be addressed when he's watching the game. The topic of remodeling the house should not be addressed when he's sorting through piles of unpaid bills. .
Establish a tone that allows him to participate in the conversation. If he feels you are lecturing him or dictating your thoughts to him, he will surely tune you out. Instead, ask him for his opinion on your desired topic. Once he gives you his opinion, accept his thoughts and move on. Don't read a deeper meaning into the topic. Remember shopping, quick - in and out. If you find the topic pushes a hot button, you know that it's off limits; move on.
When it comes to communicating with your man, make him feel that he can tell you anything without repercussions. If he is uncomfortable talking to you; to put it simply, he won't talk to you. If he feels he can communicate with you on any topic, he will open a new level of closeness with you.
Teecee Go
When women talk to their girlfriends, they spare no detail. They talk about their thoughts and the depth of their feelings and how those feelings make them react. When men talk, they get to the point with as little detail as possible and they're done.
It's like shopping. When a man goes to the mall, he knows exactly what store has his product. He goes directly to the store, purchases the first item that meets his needs and promptly leaves the mall. Women spend countless hours browsing from item to item. Men don't browse. They get in and they get out.
To establish good communication with your man, you need to learn how to talk to him. It is very different than talking to your girlfriends. Watch him when he speaks. All men have hot buttons that should never be pushed. They also have buttons that can be pushed with great results. Learn which buttons are off limits and which are open targets.
Pay attention to his body language. Does he tune you out when you begin to speak? If he does, you need to change your approach. Don't start your conversation with judgment. Don't compound your conversation with your opinion of his shortcomings and how he should correct them. If you start with either of these approaches, you'll never establish the level of communication you're seeking.
There is a time and place for everything. Don't start your conversations criticizing him or his actions. The topic of his selfishness shouldn't be addressed when he's watching the game. The topic of remodeling the house should not be addressed when he's sorting through piles of unpaid bills. .
Establish a tone that allows him to participate in the conversation. If he feels you are lecturing him or dictating your thoughts to him, he will surely tune you out. Instead, ask him for his opinion on your desired topic. Once he gives you his opinion, accept his thoughts and move on. Don't read a deeper meaning into the topic. Remember shopping, quick - in and out. If you find the topic pushes a hot button, you know that it's off limits; move on.
When it comes to communicating with your man, make him feel that he can tell you anything without repercussions. If he is uncomfortable talking to you; to put it simply, he won't talk to you. If he feels he can communicate with you on any topic, he will open a new level of closeness with you.
Teecee Go
How to Talk to Any Guy, Anywhere - The Skill of Being a Great Conversationalist
Do you possess the gift of gab that lets you talk to any guy about anything at any time? Is it easy for you to strike up a conversation with a cute guy in spite of of the surroundings or the situation? Can you talk to someone you like without getting nervous or losing your words? If so, then consider yourself lucky! The reality is that most women have trouble talking to guys that they are interested in. however; part of making a good impression on someone is knowing how to communicate with them in any situation. To do this, you need to sound confident and be able to express yourself. Remember the following tips and you will soon be able to talk to any guy, anywhere.
• Ask a lot of questions.
Show a guy that you are genuinely interested in him by asking him a lot of questions. To begin with, take something that he has said and ask more questions about it. What if he's quiet and appears to be difficult to talk to? Don't worry; just because he is quiet does not mean that he is entirely indifferent to you. Make eye contact with him as he is responding, and remember to smile. Also, comment on your surroundings. If you're at a party, talk about the music or the food. If you're in a public place, ask about directions, the location-anything to get the ball rolling.
• Get him to talk about himself.
Encourage him to open up about himself and his interests. He will be impressed that you are interested in him and people tend to be impressed with people who are impressed with them. You can talk to any guy if you are able to get the guy talking about himself. Ask a few key questions about where he works, what he does, and where he is from. Don't ask questions that sound nosy, just enough to keep him talking. You don't need to know about his relationship with his sister or how much money he nets.
• Laugh and act like you're having fun
If he makes a joke, be sure to laugh-even if it's corny. You want him to think that you are having a good time with him. He will be pleased that he is able to make you smile. Don't fake it, of course, because that will just be awkward and he will be able to tell that you are insincere.
Remember these tips and soon you will be able to talk to any guy. Once you get the ball rolling, then the conversation ill be easy to keep up.
Tina Jones
• Ask a lot of questions.
Show a guy that you are genuinely interested in him by asking him a lot of questions. To begin with, take something that he has said and ask more questions about it. What if he's quiet and appears to be difficult to talk to? Don't worry; just because he is quiet does not mean that he is entirely indifferent to you. Make eye contact with him as he is responding, and remember to smile. Also, comment on your surroundings. If you're at a party, talk about the music or the food. If you're in a public place, ask about directions, the location-anything to get the ball rolling.
• Get him to talk about himself.
Encourage him to open up about himself and his interests. He will be impressed that you are interested in him and people tend to be impressed with people who are impressed with them. You can talk to any guy if you are able to get the guy talking about himself. Ask a few key questions about where he works, what he does, and where he is from. Don't ask questions that sound nosy, just enough to keep him talking. You don't need to know about his relationship with his sister or how much money he nets.
• Laugh and act like you're having fun
If he makes a joke, be sure to laugh-even if it's corny. You want him to think that you are having a good time with him. He will be pleased that he is able to make you smile. Don't fake it, of course, because that will just be awkward and he will be able to tell that you are insincere.
Remember these tips and soon you will be able to talk to any guy. Once you get the ball rolling, then the conversation ill be easy to keep up.
Tina Jones
Friday, August 14, 2009
Can We Talk?
Yes, if you've ever in your life seen a Joan Rivers routine, you've certainly heard "Can we talk?" The question I'd like to ask the midlife world today is, "OK . . . can we???"
Last Thursday night's guest on my internet radio program was relationship expert, Kathleen Sims, and she talked about the sorts of things that go to make up a successful relationship, especially at midlife. She was very willing to go beyond the kinds of hype that other relationship gurus seem to be using (the kind of promotion that says, "We guarantee that if you follow our easy 3-step program, your relationship will achieve instant perfection!"). We talked about how, as relationships mature, the challenges actually deepen.
In this context, she revealed a startling bit of personal experience: as part of the mentoring that she provides to couples, she has several times offered workshops on communication. Remarkably, she has had little success convincing people to attend. Both she and I have had similar experiences: in general, people seems reluctant to handle the basic fundamental things that are required to create the life that they want. This can be a devastating deficiency at midlife: failing to take care of yourself properly can catapult you into a crisis situation that has the potential to destroy your career, your relationship(s) and/or your health unnecessarily. So . . . can we talk?
Communication forms the very essence of any relationship. Of course we'll have many relatives (face it: we're stuck with them) in our lives, but that doesn't mean that we will have a relationship with them. They're like many of the items in our safe deposit box: we have to keep them, but we don't need to deal with them. Some people (falsely) assume that, just because you're married to someone, you necessarily have a relationship with him or her. When imagining that you have a relationship with someone else, it's as though you imagine, in Kathleen's inspired terms, that birth or marriage or civil union has merged the two of you into a sort of conglomerate. If you imagine yourself as a circle and your relationship-partner (by birth or in law) as a second circle, you may think that your relationship causes the circles to merge. I have to agree with Kathleen that, in fact, they do not. Instead, there's a third circle that represents your relationship, and it 'belongs' to neither one of you, but to both of you.
That third circle that we call 'relationship' is not natural, it's created and sustained by the decisions and actions that both of you take. Those decisions and actions determine whether or not there will be communication. Here's the simple 'bottom line': if there's no communication, there's no relationship regardless whether you're parent-child, siblings, life partners, or just friends. You can't be in a relationship by default. You're either working at it (by continually learning to communicate and practicing what you've learned), or it doesn't exist at all. You don't have to have a court order to 'divorce' your husband, wife, partner, father, mother, sibling, partner, friend; all you need to do to have an effective divorce is to stop talking about what's really important to you.
As usual in this midlife 'game', men have a tougher time at this than women do, and in both directions: we haven't been raised to share our deeper thoughts and feelings, nor have we been taught the skills of active, empathetic listening. We too often replace real understanding and empathy - real communication - with the 'right answers': "Yes, dear," or "OK," or "Yup . . . understood." There are so many nice and agreeable responses that we men can make that feign listening. We use them in our work situations all the time. They're empathy surrogates: they're meant to make it appear that we're doing what we know we're not: listening. We know the difference. We man know when we're really telling you the truth; and very often it scares us to death!
Midlife can't be successfully navigated without fully engaging in the never-ending struggle to learn to communicate more effectively. It means learning to tell you who I am and what's going on with me. It also means listening to you at a level that goes far beyond your words: recognizing that, for example, when you're upset, it's about you and not about me. It's a life-long task to learn to extract the meaning from the words, especially when that meaning has little to do with what the words mean. The task very often involves listening with the heart and blocking out the head - particularly in very intimate relationships.
You may be saying, "I don't need to learn how to communicate! After all, I've been doing it since before I learned to talk!" Or do you? Too often, our fear and our pride keep us away from working on the 'basics', as though learning to communicate with others was like learning to feed yourself: once you've got it, you've got it. That attitude leaves many people foundering with a childish skill level in adult situations. We feel like those we most need to have a relationship with "just don't understand us," whereas it's most often we who are unable to tell them what we need or even what's going on with us. People who love us very often don't understand because we're incapable of telling telling them what they need to know. In relationships, as in every other facet of life - particularly in the midlife transition - it's much easier for us to blame others for not 'getting' us than it is for us to do the hard work necessary to learn how to tell them what we need for them to know.
Midlife severely affects three areas of your life: 1) your career, 2) your relationships, and 3) your health and well-being. If any one of those areas isn't working for you right now, you need to take a deeper look at yourself. Pointing fingers at others will do nothing to get you out of whatever situation you find yourself in. You alone are responsible for your relationships. What do you need to do - to change - to make these things work. Dumping them should be a resort taken only when it makes no sense to continue (usually because the other person in the relationship has decided not to do the work to maintain his or her part of the relationship).
One final note about relationships: don't imagine that having a deep and vital relationship means that things will always go smoothly between you. They won't. Growth only comes from meeting (and grappling with) challenges and obstacles. A 'relationship' that has no friction or disagreements is most often that way because it lacks real intimacy. In fact, I'd be willing to go out on a limb here and say that the more vital and intimate a relationship is, the more challenging the struggles that ensue. Likewise, the more difficult the midlife transition from adulthood to maturity proves to be, the richer and fuller the maturity will become. Can we talk? Hang in there: don't quit before the miracle happens!
H Les Brown
Last Thursday night's guest on my internet radio program was relationship expert, Kathleen Sims, and she talked about the sorts of things that go to make up a successful relationship, especially at midlife. She was very willing to go beyond the kinds of hype that other relationship gurus seem to be using (the kind of promotion that says, "We guarantee that if you follow our easy 3-step program, your relationship will achieve instant perfection!"). We talked about how, as relationships mature, the challenges actually deepen.
In this context, she revealed a startling bit of personal experience: as part of the mentoring that she provides to couples, she has several times offered workshops on communication. Remarkably, she has had little success convincing people to attend. Both she and I have had similar experiences: in general, people seems reluctant to handle the basic fundamental things that are required to create the life that they want. This can be a devastating deficiency at midlife: failing to take care of yourself properly can catapult you into a crisis situation that has the potential to destroy your career, your relationship(s) and/or your health unnecessarily. So . . . can we talk?
Communication forms the very essence of any relationship. Of course we'll have many relatives (face it: we're stuck with them) in our lives, but that doesn't mean that we will have a relationship with them. They're like many of the items in our safe deposit box: we have to keep them, but we don't need to deal with them. Some people (falsely) assume that, just because you're married to someone, you necessarily have a relationship with him or her. When imagining that you have a relationship with someone else, it's as though you imagine, in Kathleen's inspired terms, that birth or marriage or civil union has merged the two of you into a sort of conglomerate. If you imagine yourself as a circle and your relationship-partner (by birth or in law) as a second circle, you may think that your relationship causes the circles to merge. I have to agree with Kathleen that, in fact, they do not. Instead, there's a third circle that represents your relationship, and it 'belongs' to neither one of you, but to both of you.
That third circle that we call 'relationship' is not natural, it's created and sustained by the decisions and actions that both of you take. Those decisions and actions determine whether or not there will be communication. Here's the simple 'bottom line': if there's no communication, there's no relationship regardless whether you're parent-child, siblings, life partners, or just friends. You can't be in a relationship by default. You're either working at it (by continually learning to communicate and practicing what you've learned), or it doesn't exist at all. You don't have to have a court order to 'divorce' your husband, wife, partner, father, mother, sibling, partner, friend; all you need to do to have an effective divorce is to stop talking about what's really important to you.
As usual in this midlife 'game', men have a tougher time at this than women do, and in both directions: we haven't been raised to share our deeper thoughts and feelings, nor have we been taught the skills of active, empathetic listening. We too often replace real understanding and empathy - real communication - with the 'right answers': "Yes, dear," or "OK," or "Yup . . . understood." There are so many nice and agreeable responses that we men can make that feign listening. We use them in our work situations all the time. They're empathy surrogates: they're meant to make it appear that we're doing what we know we're not: listening. We know the difference. We man know when we're really telling you the truth; and very often it scares us to death!
Midlife can't be successfully navigated without fully engaging in the never-ending struggle to learn to communicate more effectively. It means learning to tell you who I am and what's going on with me. It also means listening to you at a level that goes far beyond your words: recognizing that, for example, when you're upset, it's about you and not about me. It's a life-long task to learn to extract the meaning from the words, especially when that meaning has little to do with what the words mean. The task very often involves listening with the heart and blocking out the head - particularly in very intimate relationships.
You may be saying, "I don't need to learn how to communicate! After all, I've been doing it since before I learned to talk!" Or do you? Too often, our fear and our pride keep us away from working on the 'basics', as though learning to communicate with others was like learning to feed yourself: once you've got it, you've got it. That attitude leaves many people foundering with a childish skill level in adult situations. We feel like those we most need to have a relationship with "just don't understand us," whereas it's most often we who are unable to tell them what we need or even what's going on with us. People who love us very often don't understand because we're incapable of telling telling them what they need to know. In relationships, as in every other facet of life - particularly in the midlife transition - it's much easier for us to blame others for not 'getting' us than it is for us to do the hard work necessary to learn how to tell them what we need for them to know.
Midlife severely affects three areas of your life: 1) your career, 2) your relationships, and 3) your health and well-being. If any one of those areas isn't working for you right now, you need to take a deeper look at yourself. Pointing fingers at others will do nothing to get you out of whatever situation you find yourself in. You alone are responsible for your relationships. What do you need to do - to change - to make these things work. Dumping them should be a resort taken only when it makes no sense to continue (usually because the other person in the relationship has decided not to do the work to maintain his or her part of the relationship).
One final note about relationships: don't imagine that having a deep and vital relationship means that things will always go smoothly between you. They won't. Growth only comes from meeting (and grappling with) challenges and obstacles. A 'relationship' that has no friction or disagreements is most often that way because it lacks real intimacy. In fact, I'd be willing to go out on a limb here and say that the more vital and intimate a relationship is, the more challenging the struggles that ensue. Likewise, the more difficult the midlife transition from adulthood to maturity proves to be, the richer and fuller the maturity will become. Can we talk? Hang in there: don't quit before the miracle happens!
H Les Brown
How to Measure Success in Personal Relationships
A good relationship begins with attraction and usually is then nourished by a mutual love. Sometimes, as life will have it, success in relationships seems further away than you really want it to be. There is something to making up, though, that allows you to revive the romance in your life, get back with your ex, and have the success you deserve.
If you are truly in love, it is essential to be able to reconnect with your boyfriend or girlfriend. It's a skill you must master to get your ex back. For many, this task is difficult. It's not so easy when a break up is ugly and you find yourself fumbling for the right words to say, delaying the call back to acknowledge being inconsiderate, to say sorry for being rude, or whatever it was that interrupted the success you rightly deserve in your romance. A break up can be one of most awkward situations you find yourself in.
Companionship is special. You deserve that and the success that goes along with it. You may be in the midst of a breakup right now and being able to make up is a valuable skill to maintaining success in your relationship. There are simple phrases, words, gestures, symbols, movements, songs, and other techniques that are involved in the magic of making up. Saying "I'm sorry", and "You are right" are some of the most difficult sayings in relationships, yet those who mutter those words stand to gain the most. Those who are humbled by those words usually end up with happiness and relationship success.
In relationships, you must ask yourself if you are doing the right things to ensure its success. Are you a good listener? Are you thoughtful? Are you spontaneous? These are some of the other magic tricks most individuals forget to be in their relationships to be successful. These are so simple that you forget how important they are and you minimize their affect that can ultimately say "I Love You" without actually saying the words.
And that's another thing you may be forgetting. Do you continue to express how much your boyfriend or girlfriend means to you on a regular basis? Sometimes even saying it only once a day is not enough. You need to reassure your boyfriend or girlfriend that they are important to you. This might sound monotonous, but it works.
I would imagine that there are a few more important techniques you are also forgetting about that can aid you in the making up process and maintaining your commitment. You don't want to waste time trying to figure out the right words to say because that time is valuable and you don't want your ex to move on. You don't want to jeopardize what you have established already so time is of the essence if you want to save your relationship. You must act now with the aid of a strategic plan of action that covers making up. Having the resources at your disposal will ensure the success you desire.
I'm a true romantic at heart, expecting nothing less from want-to-be successful boyfriends and girlfriends. If you, too, could be guided by some pretty simple directions on The Magic of Making Up, why not give yourself a gift and get successful in your relationship right now? Just guarantee yourself success. You Deserve It!
Darlene Sanchez
If you are truly in love, it is essential to be able to reconnect with your boyfriend or girlfriend. It's a skill you must master to get your ex back. For many, this task is difficult. It's not so easy when a break up is ugly and you find yourself fumbling for the right words to say, delaying the call back to acknowledge being inconsiderate, to say sorry for being rude, or whatever it was that interrupted the success you rightly deserve in your romance. A break up can be one of most awkward situations you find yourself in.
Companionship is special. You deserve that and the success that goes along with it. You may be in the midst of a breakup right now and being able to make up is a valuable skill to maintaining success in your relationship. There are simple phrases, words, gestures, symbols, movements, songs, and other techniques that are involved in the magic of making up. Saying "I'm sorry", and "You are right" are some of the most difficult sayings in relationships, yet those who mutter those words stand to gain the most. Those who are humbled by those words usually end up with happiness and relationship success.
In relationships, you must ask yourself if you are doing the right things to ensure its success. Are you a good listener? Are you thoughtful? Are you spontaneous? These are some of the other magic tricks most individuals forget to be in their relationships to be successful. These are so simple that you forget how important they are and you minimize their affect that can ultimately say "I Love You" without actually saying the words.
And that's another thing you may be forgetting. Do you continue to express how much your boyfriend or girlfriend means to you on a regular basis? Sometimes even saying it only once a day is not enough. You need to reassure your boyfriend or girlfriend that they are important to you. This might sound monotonous, but it works.
I would imagine that there are a few more important techniques you are also forgetting about that can aid you in the making up process and maintaining your commitment. You don't want to waste time trying to figure out the right words to say because that time is valuable and you don't want your ex to move on. You don't want to jeopardize what you have established already so time is of the essence if you want to save your relationship. You must act now with the aid of a strategic plan of action that covers making up. Having the resources at your disposal will ensure the success you desire.
I'm a true romantic at heart, expecting nothing less from want-to-be successful boyfriends and girlfriends. If you, too, could be guided by some pretty simple directions on The Magic of Making Up, why not give yourself a gift and get successful in your relationship right now? Just guarantee yourself success. You Deserve It!
Darlene Sanchez
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