Listening is one of the greatest priceless gifts you can give to another person. Know that how you communicate, in any relationship, will make or break that relationship.
How often have you heard about marriages or friendships breaking up because of a lack of communication--even if there was talking-or a miscommunication?
Here is your opportunity to be the expert listener so there is no miscommunication, no lack of communication nor lack of respect.
So, you are there 100% with them. You listen the way they want to be heard. And you want to ask them, "Is this something that is just between you and me or, if there is somebody else involved, is it okay for them to know about this?"
You need to 100% respect whatever they tell you. If they share a problem they are having with somebody else and they do not want you to share it with that somebody else, do not share with that somebody else.
If this is your child coming to you to talk about a problem and they don't want the other parent to know about it-don't share it with the other parent. If you want that person to trust you then give that person a reason to trust you.
Now, if they share something that happened between them and the other parent or some other person then listen first and then ask if it is okay for you to make suggestions. And especially if it is some issue between them and the other parent or some other person, let them know they cannot fix that issue by talking to you.
Remember your role in this communication is to deliver to them what is in their highest and best interest. It is all about them. It is not about you. They don't come to you to talk to you about you. They come to you to figure out what to do in their life to keep moving forward.
Now, all that said, if your child or friend did something illegal you need to be able to talk, quite frankly, about how you feel about what they did and what you feel you'd like them to do. And that doesn't mean you are going to break their confidence.
Unless your child or friend did or is planning to do something that poses a danger to themselves or to others, you need to maintain their confidence, and to be okay with it yourself. Then you want to tell them that you need to ask some questions so you understand what is going on.
The purpose here is not for you to just sit there and listen with no input (unless they asked you just listen and have not done anything illegal or anything to hurt another person or property). When well being and the law are at stake you do not sit back and watch somebody hurt themselves by doing something unlawful.
Be wise and be a full out 100% participant. Be sure your head is clear and you have no agenda in the conversation other than fulfilling the way they want you to listen to them.
Your communication patterns operate out of your awareness--on automatic, The bottom line is only you can change your life...when you are ready to do so. Knowing the programs running your subconscious mind allows you to override what does not work and replace it with programs that do work.
Ali Bierman
No comments:
Post a Comment