When you start out in a relationship everything seems to flow. All is smooth sailing and you're happy to do whatever your sweetie wants. You see only the good in them and want to spend as much time as possible with them. Communicating is a breeze and you both hit the ground running for a successful relationship.
Then, as things progress, you start to see some of their flaws, you start to realize that you don't always want to go along with their plans and you have to start communicating on a deeper level.
It's at this point that things can become tricky. It's here where you can either go down the path of a breakup OR turn the tables and open up the lines of communication to resurrect your relationship and iron out your differences. No two people are ever the same. Big surprise I know.
So for a relationship to last, you NEED to have:
Some common interests Without this, you'll spend less and less time together and have less and less to talk about.
Communication is always up there as one of the main ingredients of a flourishing relationship. So it's vital you hone this skill. If you don't want to waste your time, make sure you get involved with someone with whom you have enough in common.
When you do things together, you get to know each on a deeper level. You're not only communicating through speech, but also through body language, friendship, love and support for each other. Respect for each other grows, each of your guards is let down, and both your heart's grow fond on each other. Now that's a formula for a successful relationship!
Next item on the agenda.
Communication With Ease And Without Hesitation. How easy can you talk to your ex on things? If you say something, are you worried that your ex will jump down your throat? Are you worried they won't take you seriously?
How about employing the three C's (Calm, Cool and Collected). Even if your ex turns into a raging pitbull, you can quickly calm that rage, and mellow them out to a state of total relaxation. It really is quite powerful.
Using the three C's, you can more easily,
Avoid fighting, and ensure both of you can discuss issues in a chilled-out way.
Be taken seriously by your ex. Do You Really Know What Your Ex Wants? No matter how close two people are, we are not mind readers, and there will be times when you don't know what your partner wants. So how do you get partner's inner thoughts out into the open? It's crucial to "get" these inner thoughts so that you can understand why your breakup occurred and what you can do to fix it.
Don't Shut Down The Channels Of Communication The moment you start evading issues and topics; the moment you start talking in half-truths and holding-back, is the moment you're wandering into the land of dishonesty. Dishonesty is a sure-fire way of shutting down the channels of communication.
If you're open and honest, the task ahead of sorting out any difficulties will become that so much easier.
Where Do You Focus Your Energy? Do you focus on the negative or positive side of your ex?
Your ex won't want to communicate when they see that everything you do and say as "an attack" on their flaws? Your ex won't want to communicate when nothing ever seems good enough. If you look for the negative, you'll find it; if you look for the positive, you'll find it too. Focus on the positive things in your ex and show them you appreciate these things.
Jay Kern
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