We live in an increasingly multicultural society, and one sign is that interracial relationships are losing the stigma that they once had. A 2003 Gallup poll found that attitudes about interracial relationships have changed dramatically in the past few decades - 70 percent of whites now say they approve of marriage between whites and blacks, while just 4 percent approved when asked the same question in a 1958 Gallup poll. The survey also found that 80 percent of blacks and 77 percent of Hispanics say they approve of interracial marriage.
Any long-term relationship takes work, and interracial couples face a few unique challenges that can make their relationship even more difficult.
How difficult can depend on a number of factors - where you live, what your friends and family think, and your own prejudices and perceptions all play a part. Taking the following into consideration can increase your chances of making it work. And many couples do make it work - there are an estimated 450,000 black-white marriages in the U.S. today, compared with just 51,000 in 1960, according to the census bureau.
Understand each other's culture. Any couple who were raised in different geographic areas, in different religions, or in different eras have a number of cultural differences to deal with. In an interracial relationship, it can be an even greater clash the way we're raised helps to determine the people we become, from the foods we enjoy to the way we view love and the opposite sex.
To make your relationship work, find out as much as you can about your partner's background, meet his family if can, and talk at length about how he sees the world - and share as much about yourself as you can, too. Understanding cultural differences can help smooth out misunderstandings down the road.
Discuss your traditions and beliefs. There's more to an interracial relationship than just a difference in skin color. Religion is an important part of many people's lives, and can become a stumbling block if you're hoping to form a long-lasting bond.
A white woman who grows up in a Protestant family will have a very different idea about the roles men and women play in marriage than her conservative Muslim partner - this is something that needs to be discussed if you're considering a long-term relationship.
There's also the matter of children in an interracial marriage. What traditions will you pass on to them? What holidays will you celebrate as a family? Again, talking frankly about your background and beliefs will save you from possible problems in the future.
Maintain your own identity. Ethnicity can be an integral part of how you or your partner identify yourself, and neither of you should be expected to give that up if you become a long-term couple. Unless one of you belongs to a group that's actively racist, you should both continue to associate with the same friends and acquaintances that you knew before you got together, continue the same activities, and celebrate your racial identity as you see fit. Neither of you can change the color of your skin, and it's silly to think that you can suddenly shift gears and behave like someone from another race.
And if you truly love each other, you shouldn't want wholesale changes from your partner anyway.
Celebrate your common ground. If you've truly fallen in love, then there must be a lot of things that you share. Focus more on your common interests than on your differences - the movies you enjoy, the activities you share, and the jokes you laugh at.
These things are far more important in the long run than any differences you may have because of race. And, of course, share elements of your different cultures with each other. You can open up a world of new experiences for each other that couples with strikingly similar backgrounds never get to enjoy.
You'll find that you have many differences, but so do couples of the same race. If you've truly found the love of your life, then your love can conquer almost any obstacle that life throws in your path.
Accept your differences, embrace what you have in common, and find ways to compromise when you need to. All long-term relationships require mutual understanding and shared values, and with a healthy amount of love, respect and honest communication, there's not reason that an interracial relationship can't be an exceptionally happy one.
C Pemo
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