Affairs can be very difficult for everyone involved. For years you may have built a trusting relationship with your partner. However, in just one action, the trust has been completely broken and things won't ever be the same. So let's look at ways to try and move past an affair.
First off, try and control the amount of time you think of the affair. There are times you should think about what happened, and there are times you shouldn't. If you are feeling really depressed about it and you want to talk to a friend about what happened, then go for it! It is good to talk about the affair and let your feelings out to your family and friends. However, you don't want to do this too much. If you keep thinking about the affair, it's going to really affect your mood. Try and understand that it's ok to feel the way you do, and specifically make time to discuss how you feel with family and friends. But don't let the thoughts and emotion control you.
Try changing your surroundings. If your partner just had an affair, don't leave all the pictures up you have of them. Get rid of (or hide) anything that reminds you of that person. You don't need the constant reminders. You need to be able to walk around your home without being reminded of what happened.
Have a night out with your friends! If you don't have a lot of money, choose to do something that is not too expensive. A simple night of bowling with your friends can be a lot of fun. When you are having fun with your friends, it is time you spend forgetting about what happened. Don't stay inside the house night after night! It won't help, believe me.
Try and look at any positives at all that you can find from the relationship. For instance, what have you learned? Surely in the entire relationship there must have been something you learned. So what all did you learn? What are some ways the relationship may have helped you? Did you get over certain fears thanks to your partner? Did you become more confident? Etc. Write down the good things from the relationship. Just because it ended badly doesn't mean you can't take anything from it to help in future relationships. Remember, it's only a mistake if you don't learn from it.
Finally, although you may be past this step, but if the partner wants to try and make the relationship work, think about it. Now, I'm not saying you should forgive them. But this is something you need to figure out on your own. Can you honestly truly ever forgive your partner for doing this to you? Do you feel the relationship can truly ever work again? Or are you just too angry at them that you can't ever forgive them? Figure this out in your mind and make a decision. If you want to move on, then start applying some of these tips. If you want to make it work however and you are married, then consider marriage counseling.
Good luck!
Justin Robins
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