Let your speech be always full of grace, seasoned with salt. ~ Colossians 4:6
Have you ever started an innocent conversation with someone only to have it disintegrate into anger or frustration? We sometimes try to pinpoint where it all went wrong; but a more useful starting point may be, "What can I do to prevent it?" Other than those lopsided encounters with someone who talks as if there's no tomorrow, most conversations include a give and take in which we alternate roles of speaker and listener. Following are "ground rules" that can be helpful in any interaction. The focus here is on the speaker role and, in particular, those talks in which you need to address an area of conflict, a sensitive topic, or something that bothers you. By "speaker role" I mean times when you have a complaint against someone as opposed to those situations when someone's pointing out a problem he has with you.
Is this really an issue?
It's amazingly easy to get caught up in drama. Before you go charging into a fray, ask yourself, "Is this important, or am I making a big deal out of nothing?" It's so tempting to convince ourselves that we're dealing with a real problem. Put it on hold for a day or two before addressing the issue. Allowing your emotions to take over is counter-productive; approach the situation as calmly as possible. By taking a long deep breath you enable yourself to be objective.
Be respectful.
Resolve to be respectful with the other person. In order for you to be effective it will help a great deal if you aren't critical. Being negative or condescending will alienate others and make it difficult for them to listen to your perspective. Rather than point out how he's wrong, focus instead on a goal. It's easy for a person to feel defensive. If he does, let him know that you simply want a new outcome.
Be direct.
Being direct is probably the most difficult of all these guidelines. Too often we tiptoe around an issue and don't say exactly what we mean. This doesn't mean you should "just be honest." We sometimes use honesty as an excuse to be mean. At the same time it's important that you get to the point. Don't make the mistake of thinking that being direct is offensive; it isn't, if your intention is one of compassion and respect. A great way to be direct is to take responsibility for your choices and thoughts. Rather than saying, "I don't think what you're doing is right," say, "I want you to stop what you've been doing." In the first statement you place the responsibility on morality - right and wrong; in the second statement you take the responsibility yourself - "This is what I want."
Stay focused.
You can get off track in thousands of ways. Regardless what the other person says, remember the reason you brought up the discussion; return to the topic anytime either of you veers off course. If the other person makes some kind of counter-argument, acknowledge it when true; but return to your original issue. Don't get caught up with tangential problems.
Be willing to listen.
Finally, sometimes it's important to change to the listener role. Learn how to ask questions, see the other person's point of view, and create a connection. Make connection your primary goal rather than resolution - communication first, solution later. Your efforts to become a better speaker and listener can create the foundation necessary for problem solving and result in deeper, richer relationships.
David Cantu
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Communication - One Key to Successful Relationships
Listening is one of the greatest priceless gifts you can give to another person. Know that how you communicate, in any relationship, will make or break that relationship.
How often have you heard about marriages or friendships breaking up because of a lack of communication--even if there was talking-or a miscommunication?
Here is your opportunity to be the expert listener so there is no miscommunication, no lack of communication nor lack of respect.
So, you are there 100% with them. You listen the way they want to be heard. And you want to ask them, "Is this something that is just between you and me or, if there is somebody else involved, is it okay for them to know about this?"
You need to 100% respect whatever they tell you. If they share a problem they are having with somebody else and they do not want you to share it with that somebody else, do not share with that somebody else.
If this is your child coming to you to talk about a problem and they don't want the other parent to know about it-don't share it with the other parent. If you want that person to trust you then give that person a reason to trust you.
Now, if they share something that happened between them and the other parent or some other person then listen first and then ask if it is okay for you to make suggestions. And especially if it is some issue between them and the other parent or some other person, let them know they cannot fix that issue by talking to you.
Remember your role in this communication is to deliver to them what is in their highest and best interest. It is all about them. It is not about you. They don't come to you to talk to you about you. They come to you to figure out what to do in their life to keep moving forward.
Now, all that said, if your child or friend did something illegal you need to be able to talk, quite frankly, about how you feel about what they did and what you feel you'd like them to do. And that doesn't mean you are going to break their confidence.
Unless your child or friend did or is planning to do something that poses a danger to themselves or to others, you need to maintain their confidence, and to be okay with it yourself. Then you want to tell them that you need to ask some questions so you understand what is going on.
The purpose here is not for you to just sit there and listen with no input (unless they asked you just listen and have not done anything illegal or anything to hurt another person or property). When well being and the law are at stake you do not sit back and watch somebody hurt themselves by doing something unlawful.
Be wise and be a full out 100% participant. Be sure your head is clear and you have no agenda in the conversation other than fulfilling the way they want you to listen to them.
Your communication patterns operate out of your awareness--on automatic, The bottom line is only you can change your life...when you are ready to do so. Knowing the programs running your subconscious mind allows you to override what does not work and replace it with programs that do work.
Ali Bierman
How often have you heard about marriages or friendships breaking up because of a lack of communication--even if there was talking-or a miscommunication?
Here is your opportunity to be the expert listener so there is no miscommunication, no lack of communication nor lack of respect.
So, you are there 100% with them. You listen the way they want to be heard. And you want to ask them, "Is this something that is just between you and me or, if there is somebody else involved, is it okay for them to know about this?"
You need to 100% respect whatever they tell you. If they share a problem they are having with somebody else and they do not want you to share it with that somebody else, do not share with that somebody else.
If this is your child coming to you to talk about a problem and they don't want the other parent to know about it-don't share it with the other parent. If you want that person to trust you then give that person a reason to trust you.
Now, if they share something that happened between them and the other parent or some other person then listen first and then ask if it is okay for you to make suggestions. And especially if it is some issue between them and the other parent or some other person, let them know they cannot fix that issue by talking to you.
Remember your role in this communication is to deliver to them what is in their highest and best interest. It is all about them. It is not about you. They don't come to you to talk to you about you. They come to you to figure out what to do in their life to keep moving forward.
Now, all that said, if your child or friend did something illegal you need to be able to talk, quite frankly, about how you feel about what they did and what you feel you'd like them to do. And that doesn't mean you are going to break their confidence.
Unless your child or friend did or is planning to do something that poses a danger to themselves or to others, you need to maintain their confidence, and to be okay with it yourself. Then you want to tell them that you need to ask some questions so you understand what is going on.
The purpose here is not for you to just sit there and listen with no input (unless they asked you just listen and have not done anything illegal or anything to hurt another person or property). When well being and the law are at stake you do not sit back and watch somebody hurt themselves by doing something unlawful.
Be wise and be a full out 100% participant. Be sure your head is clear and you have no agenda in the conversation other than fulfilling the way they want you to listen to them.
Your communication patterns operate out of your awareness--on automatic, The bottom line is only you can change your life...when you are ready to do so. Knowing the programs running your subconscious mind allows you to override what does not work and replace it with programs that do work.
Ali Bierman
Monday, August 24, 2009
A Journey to Find the Right Person
It all starts with yourself. If you really want to find your soul mate, you have to believe that your soul mate is out there, waiting for you, and therefore, you also have to work hard at finding that person. Here are some suggestions to find your soul mate.
1. Know yourself It's difficult to find the love of your life if you yourself do not understand who you really are. Many people fall into a trap. They think that their soul mate will save them from their uninteresting life. This is exactly not true. If you like to do something artistic for instance, just do it. Do not be afraid that people might perceive you as crazy. If you like it, go for it. Enjoy yourself. You have to enjoy your life. If you are pleased with your life, it will surely attract your true love.
2. Be yourself You don't have to be what others are saying in order to find your true love. You are unique! Your true love will understand you, and will absolutely be interested in who you really are. If that person doesn't, and wants you to be someone else, this person is truly not your soul mate.
3. Be Open to every possibility When you are open to every possibility, you will be ready the right one comes along. You will appreciate people for who they really are and ready to receive the unexpected.
4. Be patient You can't expect this world to follow your time schedule. Be more flexible. Be patient, and feel sure and secure that you know that your mate is somewhere out there. This person will just come when the time is right.
If you follow those steps, you will find that your life becomes easier and the journey is worth the wait.
Annie Sherwood
1. Know yourself It's difficult to find the love of your life if you yourself do not understand who you really are. Many people fall into a trap. They think that their soul mate will save them from their uninteresting life. This is exactly not true. If you like to do something artistic for instance, just do it. Do not be afraid that people might perceive you as crazy. If you like it, go for it. Enjoy yourself. You have to enjoy your life. If you are pleased with your life, it will surely attract your true love.
2. Be yourself You don't have to be what others are saying in order to find your true love. You are unique! Your true love will understand you, and will absolutely be interested in who you really are. If that person doesn't, and wants you to be someone else, this person is truly not your soul mate.
3. Be Open to every possibility When you are open to every possibility, you will be ready the right one comes along. You will appreciate people for who they really are and ready to receive the unexpected.
4. Be patient You can't expect this world to follow your time schedule. Be more flexible. Be patient, and feel sure and secure that you know that your mate is somewhere out there. This person will just come when the time is right.
If you follow those steps, you will find that your life becomes easier and the journey is worth the wait.
Annie Sherwood
Three Tips to a Healthy Love Life
Maintaining a healthy relationship is a very hard thing to do these days. There are so many things that can go wrong. Men and women are also so different that most of them have a hard time trying to see past each other's differences. Some think that taking a break from life and getting away to places such as a Kauai vacation home using Poipu vacation rentals may cure every problem they run in to but this is a very common misconception. Things like relationships need a lot of work and can't just simply be cured with a kiss or an expensive getaway.
One of the most important things to do when trying to keep a relationship going strong is to listen to one another. If one partner does all of the complaining and talking, there is obviously no room for the other to probably get any sort of word in edgewise. Both sides of the relationship need to be speaking up and voicing their problems and even their compliments. Each person needs to carry his or her own weight in this coexistence. If one side had more say and never listened to the other person's, there would be a crack that would only get bigger and bigger. This would eventually destroy the relationship to the extent that both parties would be crushed and would take a while to recover.
Another main thing to pay attention to is consideration. In a relationship, there needs to be respect on either side for one another. One partner should never abuse or hurt the other in any way, shape, or form. This rule goes for both physically and mentally. Many people believe that abuse can solely come from physical beatings. This assumption, however, is incorrect. Actually, many abusive relationships come from the words and comments uttered by a partner. The person in the relationship loves and cares for this partner so much that they listen and believe in their heart that what their partner says goes. The abusiveness comes about when the admired partner starts taking this admiration for granted and using it to their advantage by putting the other one down.
The final and most important thing to have in a relationship is trust. Trust is, hands down, the strongest thing in a relationship and will be the thing that keeps married couples together until they part from the earth. Without trust, there is no relationship because you will never be able to fully put your heart in the other's hands. If one partner knows that their equal had full trust in them and they trusted them completely, there would be no fights because each would believe that the other was always doing what is in the best's interest. This creates an overwhelming sense of comfort and admiration. From these sprout the stems of love that keep growing into eternal adoration.
These three tips are extremely vital in making a relationship work out. They do not come easily and take a long time to work on but with a lot of determination, they can be labored through so that you and your partner can have a happy life together. This may take a couple tries and a few partners because no match is perfect. It is guaranteed that the more you work on it, the more you will be able to understand them and understand you partner fully so that you both can live a good love life.
Connor R sulliavan
One of the most important things to do when trying to keep a relationship going strong is to listen to one another. If one partner does all of the complaining and talking, there is obviously no room for the other to probably get any sort of word in edgewise. Both sides of the relationship need to be speaking up and voicing their problems and even their compliments. Each person needs to carry his or her own weight in this coexistence. If one side had more say and never listened to the other person's, there would be a crack that would only get bigger and bigger. This would eventually destroy the relationship to the extent that both parties would be crushed and would take a while to recover.
Another main thing to pay attention to is consideration. In a relationship, there needs to be respect on either side for one another. One partner should never abuse or hurt the other in any way, shape, or form. This rule goes for both physically and mentally. Many people believe that abuse can solely come from physical beatings. This assumption, however, is incorrect. Actually, many abusive relationships come from the words and comments uttered by a partner. The person in the relationship loves and cares for this partner so much that they listen and believe in their heart that what their partner says goes. The abusiveness comes about when the admired partner starts taking this admiration for granted and using it to their advantage by putting the other one down.
The final and most important thing to have in a relationship is trust. Trust is, hands down, the strongest thing in a relationship and will be the thing that keeps married couples together until they part from the earth. Without trust, there is no relationship because you will never be able to fully put your heart in the other's hands. If one partner knows that their equal had full trust in them and they trusted them completely, there would be no fights because each would believe that the other was always doing what is in the best's interest. This creates an overwhelming sense of comfort and admiration. From these sprout the stems of love that keep growing into eternal adoration.
These three tips are extremely vital in making a relationship work out. They do not come easily and take a long time to work on but with a lot of determination, they can be labored through so that you and your partner can have a happy life together. This may take a couple tries and a few partners because no match is perfect. It is guaranteed that the more you work on it, the more you will be able to understand them and understand you partner fully so that you both can live a good love life.
Connor R sulliavan
Friday, August 21, 2009
The Meaning of Friendship
Friendship is about bonding. It is about reciprocating the care you receive from a person and at the same time respecting the other persons view. A friend does not judge you by wealth or position, he or she is there with you during your bad times. He is like the pillar of strength you can rely on and also share your apprehensions about the various aspects in life. Friendship blossoms each day and one must make time to strengthen the bond.
Days and events are important during friendship. It is vital for us to remember the important days in our friend's life. Friendship is also about trust. One is able to open up freely to the person who is your friend because you know you will not be judged. It is fine to express your inhibitions and also seek the advice of your friend but at the same time friendship is also respecting the other person's predicament. Many a times the friend is not available owing to familial reasons or other commitments and jealously can mar the fragile bond of friendship.
Situations in life often make us realize who our true friends are. We may be surrounded by a group of people whom we meet but it is only with a particular person we are able to relate. This is because there is a certain chemistry, understanding and also respect which you find in this true friend. It is our duty to bring a friend to the right path but too much of criticism will spoil the friendship.
We choose different vocations and reside in various locations and hence friendship gets separated owing to distance. Communication lines are accessible to all of us who want to connect with a lot of friends. Friends from our Alma Mater, friends from our previous jobs and also friends who have migrated to different lands can be contacted easily with the help of technology. There are No excuses in friendship.
The test of friendship is during critical circumstances. When you are down and out the best friend is still next to you. He or she gives you the biggest support with kind words and assures you that life is truly a great gift. A good friend is a rare gem and we need to polish this bond with the goodness of friendship.
Jennie gandhi
Days and events are important during friendship. It is vital for us to remember the important days in our friend's life. Friendship is also about trust. One is able to open up freely to the person who is your friend because you know you will not be judged. It is fine to express your inhibitions and also seek the advice of your friend but at the same time friendship is also respecting the other person's predicament. Many a times the friend is not available owing to familial reasons or other commitments and jealously can mar the fragile bond of friendship.
Situations in life often make us realize who our true friends are. We may be surrounded by a group of people whom we meet but it is only with a particular person we are able to relate. This is because there is a certain chemistry, understanding and also respect which you find in this true friend. It is our duty to bring a friend to the right path but too much of criticism will spoil the friendship.
We choose different vocations and reside in various locations and hence friendship gets separated owing to distance. Communication lines are accessible to all of us who want to connect with a lot of friends. Friends from our Alma Mater, friends from our previous jobs and also friends who have migrated to different lands can be contacted easily with the help of technology. There are No excuses in friendship.
The test of friendship is during critical circumstances. When you are down and out the best friend is still next to you. He or she gives you the biggest support with kind words and assures you that life is truly a great gift. A good friend is a rare gem and we need to polish this bond with the goodness of friendship.
Jennie gandhi
12 Ingredients to True and Lasting Friendships
There comes a time in our lives when we must decide with finality whether or not we are going to follow Christ in earnest. We want to know God's Will, set in our hearts to do it, but when it comes to action, we run the other way. Why? Most of the time, God's Will requires that we totally trust His leading without having the slightest hint of what the future holds. It requires change from the norm. Often enough, that change is convoluted and mysterious. We don't like that and that is where the struggle begins. Following the Will of God suddenly becomes following Him "our way".
In his fine book, "Experiencing God", Henry Blackaby wrote, "You cannot continue life as usual or stay where you are, and go with God at the same time. That is true throughout Scripture. Noah could not continue life as usual and build an ark at the same time Jonah had to leave his home and overcome a major prejudice in order to preach in Nineveh. Saul (later Paul) had to completely change directions in life in order to be used of God to preach the Gospel to the Gentiles."
What does it cost to follow Jesus? Often times, the cost is more than we want to pay comfortably. What we really want is a comfortable relationship with Him just as long as He doesn't interrupt our lives. It's true that Jesus always accepts us where we are. However, He never leaves us there. When the prodigal son returned home, his father did not leave him the way he arrived. Gold rings, robes, feasting (and a bath I hope!) were heaped on the son.
We need to understand that Jesus is Our Friend. To understand our relationship as His friends, we need to learn the true definition of a friend, according to Scriptures. I believe that once we do that, our struggles to follow the Will of God become less and less. At the same time, we learn how to be true friends to others.
Twelve (12) Ingredients to Successful Friendships:
1.Love:
Read Proverbs 17:17. The word "friend" is so misused today that it has lost its true meaning. A true friend loves even when it's sorely uncomfortable. A friend is a friend even when it hurts. A friend never leaves you flat when everyone else has. When adversity strikes, a true friend is there with you. In a marriage, your spouse is your best human friend or should be. And you, because you know what Jesus requires of a friend, you are your spouses best friend. A friend loves you when you stink, when you're grumpy and when you've gained 50 pounds. When you're sick, a friend will cook homemade chicken soup and if necessary, spoon-feed you. May I ask? Are you this kind of friend?
2.Commitment:
Read 1 Cor 13:7. One word sums up this passage: Hosea. I got the point with Hosea because some Christians will declare, "I am not Jesus!" That's very true. But there is the human non-God example of true commitment. Do you have a Gomer in your life? All things are possible through Christ, including loving the unlovable.
3.Honesty:
Read Ephesians 4:15. We love to tell others about themselves and have the audacity to call it "being honest". Let's ask ourselves this: what was the intent? Was it to edify or to bring down? The answer to this question will reveal to us if we spoke in love. Proverbs 27:17,19 explains this further.
4.Trust:
Read Proverbs 20:6. Can you recall a time when you messed up so badly that you wish someone would understand you? You realized how stupid your mistake was and you wish you could make it right with your friend? Jesus does that. We can trust Him to have our best interests in mind, even when we mess up royally. Has someone hurt you? Can you be trusted to forgive and forget? Can you be trusted to be a true friend? It's very hard, I know. I've wrestle with it daily. Yet, it's not impossible. Besides, Jesus requires us to do the same as He did on the Cross.
5.Loyalty:
Read Proverbs 17:17. How loyal are we? I can tell you this: Jesus is absolutely loyal to us. Would you be loyal even when at times it is downright unbearable? I was delivering flowers many years ago to this beautiful home. I rang the doorbell and waited. An older man, bent over and frail, answered the door. I was puzzled because the card was addressed to a lady. When I asked about this, he waved me in and told me to deliver it to his wife. The moment I stepped over the threshold, I froze in my tracks. His wife was sitting in her chair, even more frail and immobilized. Next to her on the table was a soup bowl. In her husband's hand was a spoon. On her chest was a bib. This bent over frail old man had been feeding his beloved. I delivered her flowers and left. In my van, I choked back my tears. Jesus had just taught me what loyalty meant.
6.Communication/Sharing:
Read Hebrews 13:16. Do we communicate well? I am not talking about just yapping non-stop. I knew a florist once. She had always wanted flowers from her man. He never gave her a flower because he thought he could never give her the right kind of rose. In his mind, he thought she would criticize the flower and indirectly criticizing him. Little did he know that he was actually communicating a different message to his girlfriend. What message are you communicating to your friend?
7.Support:
Read Ecc: 9, 10. This one is self-explanatory. We all have been in situations when we had no one, relatives or otherwise to turn to in times of troubles. Even God said it is not good for man to be alone. Are you a supporting friend? Can you be counted on to be a friend at 3 am?
8.Encouragement:
Read Philippians 4:8. We all have something that needs changing and we know it. What we fail to realize that there are lovely things about ourselves. Jesus encourages us. He is our cheerleader. He is our personal trainer. He says that even our feet our lovely to Him. Have we looked at the good qualities of our friends? Or are we critical? At one time or another, our friends are going to down in the pits. We need not to be like Job's friends. Rather, we need to be like Christ encouraging and speaking lovely things over our friends.
9.Kindness:
Read Job 6:14. So our friend messed it up again! What is our response? What is Jesus' response to us when we mess up over and over again? What would you like it to be? Can we suffer our friends and be kind anyway? Remember, the same mercy you show will be the same mercy that will be shown to you in your time of need.
10.Availability:
Read Proverbs 27:10. The phone rings at 3:00 am. It's your friend. S/he needs to talk. S/he was just told that their spouse wants a divorce. They are devastated. You just went to bed two hours ago. You were preparing a presentation for your boss and you're bone tired. Will you mumble something and return to bed? Or will you get up, make some coffee and talk with your friend in need?
11.Confidence/Dependability:
Read Galatians 5:10. Trials have just arrived for your friends and you know he heaped it upon himself. What do you do? Will you stop visiting, talking, counseling and praying for him? Would you buy a bag of groceries for him? What would you do? Can you be a dependable friend in his time of need? Or would you abandon him like the disciples abandoned Jesus? Did Jesus abandon you?
12.Forgiveness:
Read Proverbs 17:9. I have to admit I have been guilty of this one in particular. I met a person long ago, who has been in trouble for most of her life. You could set your clock with her propensity to get into a mess. I would sit down with her and counsel her at length. But for all the counseling, I never gave her a chance. I did what others had done to her. I was guilty just the same. I did not forgive and forget. I did not think lovely things about this young one. I failed in my walk with Christ.
You see, if we are truly followers of Christ, as much as it is possible, we are to be true friends to others around us. True friendship is valuable and never easy. When we think of true friendship light of Matthew 25:31-46, it is a necessity and a command of God to His children.
Jonny Riviera
In his fine book, "Experiencing God", Henry Blackaby wrote, "You cannot continue life as usual or stay where you are, and go with God at the same time. That is true throughout Scripture. Noah could not continue life as usual and build an ark at the same time Jonah had to leave his home and overcome a major prejudice in order to preach in Nineveh. Saul (later Paul) had to completely change directions in life in order to be used of God to preach the Gospel to the Gentiles."
What does it cost to follow Jesus? Often times, the cost is more than we want to pay comfortably. What we really want is a comfortable relationship with Him just as long as He doesn't interrupt our lives. It's true that Jesus always accepts us where we are. However, He never leaves us there. When the prodigal son returned home, his father did not leave him the way he arrived. Gold rings, robes, feasting (and a bath I hope!) were heaped on the son.
We need to understand that Jesus is Our Friend. To understand our relationship as His friends, we need to learn the true definition of a friend, according to Scriptures. I believe that once we do that, our struggles to follow the Will of God become less and less. At the same time, we learn how to be true friends to others.
Twelve (12) Ingredients to Successful Friendships:
1.Love:
Read Proverbs 17:17. The word "friend" is so misused today that it has lost its true meaning. A true friend loves even when it's sorely uncomfortable. A friend is a friend even when it hurts. A friend never leaves you flat when everyone else has. When adversity strikes, a true friend is there with you. In a marriage, your spouse is your best human friend or should be. And you, because you know what Jesus requires of a friend, you are your spouses best friend. A friend loves you when you stink, when you're grumpy and when you've gained 50 pounds. When you're sick, a friend will cook homemade chicken soup and if necessary, spoon-feed you. May I ask? Are you this kind of friend?
2.Commitment:
Read 1 Cor 13:7. One word sums up this passage: Hosea. I got the point with Hosea because some Christians will declare, "I am not Jesus!" That's very true. But there is the human non-God example of true commitment. Do you have a Gomer in your life? All things are possible through Christ, including loving the unlovable.
3.Honesty:
Read Ephesians 4:15. We love to tell others about themselves and have the audacity to call it "being honest". Let's ask ourselves this: what was the intent? Was it to edify or to bring down? The answer to this question will reveal to us if we spoke in love. Proverbs 27:17,19 explains this further.
4.Trust:
Read Proverbs 20:6. Can you recall a time when you messed up so badly that you wish someone would understand you? You realized how stupid your mistake was and you wish you could make it right with your friend? Jesus does that. We can trust Him to have our best interests in mind, even when we mess up royally. Has someone hurt you? Can you be trusted to forgive and forget? Can you be trusted to be a true friend? It's very hard, I know. I've wrestle with it daily. Yet, it's not impossible. Besides, Jesus requires us to do the same as He did on the Cross.
5.Loyalty:
Read Proverbs 17:17. How loyal are we? I can tell you this: Jesus is absolutely loyal to us. Would you be loyal even when at times it is downright unbearable? I was delivering flowers many years ago to this beautiful home. I rang the doorbell and waited. An older man, bent over and frail, answered the door. I was puzzled because the card was addressed to a lady. When I asked about this, he waved me in and told me to deliver it to his wife. The moment I stepped over the threshold, I froze in my tracks. His wife was sitting in her chair, even more frail and immobilized. Next to her on the table was a soup bowl. In her husband's hand was a spoon. On her chest was a bib. This bent over frail old man had been feeding his beloved. I delivered her flowers and left. In my van, I choked back my tears. Jesus had just taught me what loyalty meant.
6.Communication/Sharing:
Read Hebrews 13:16. Do we communicate well? I am not talking about just yapping non-stop. I knew a florist once. She had always wanted flowers from her man. He never gave her a flower because he thought he could never give her the right kind of rose. In his mind, he thought she would criticize the flower and indirectly criticizing him. Little did he know that he was actually communicating a different message to his girlfriend. What message are you communicating to your friend?
7.Support:
Read Ecc: 9, 10. This one is self-explanatory. We all have been in situations when we had no one, relatives or otherwise to turn to in times of troubles. Even God said it is not good for man to be alone. Are you a supporting friend? Can you be counted on to be a friend at 3 am?
8.Encouragement:
Read Philippians 4:8. We all have something that needs changing and we know it. What we fail to realize that there are lovely things about ourselves. Jesus encourages us. He is our cheerleader. He is our personal trainer. He says that even our feet our lovely to Him. Have we looked at the good qualities of our friends? Or are we critical? At one time or another, our friends are going to down in the pits. We need not to be like Job's friends. Rather, we need to be like Christ encouraging and speaking lovely things over our friends.
9.Kindness:
Read Job 6:14. So our friend messed it up again! What is our response? What is Jesus' response to us when we mess up over and over again? What would you like it to be? Can we suffer our friends and be kind anyway? Remember, the same mercy you show will be the same mercy that will be shown to you in your time of need.
10.Availability:
Read Proverbs 27:10. The phone rings at 3:00 am. It's your friend. S/he needs to talk. S/he was just told that their spouse wants a divorce. They are devastated. You just went to bed two hours ago. You were preparing a presentation for your boss and you're bone tired. Will you mumble something and return to bed? Or will you get up, make some coffee and talk with your friend in need?
11.Confidence/Dependability:
Read Galatians 5:10. Trials have just arrived for your friends and you know he heaped it upon himself. What do you do? Will you stop visiting, talking, counseling and praying for him? Would you buy a bag of groceries for him? What would you do? Can you be a dependable friend in his time of need? Or would you abandon him like the disciples abandoned Jesus? Did Jesus abandon you?
12.Forgiveness:
Read Proverbs 17:9. I have to admit I have been guilty of this one in particular. I met a person long ago, who has been in trouble for most of her life. You could set your clock with her propensity to get into a mess. I would sit down with her and counsel her at length. But for all the counseling, I never gave her a chance. I did what others had done to her. I was guilty just the same. I did not forgive and forget. I did not think lovely things about this young one. I failed in my walk with Christ.
You see, if we are truly followers of Christ, as much as it is possible, we are to be true friends to others around us. True friendship is valuable and never easy. When we think of true friendship light of Matthew 25:31-46, it is a necessity and a command of God to His children.
Jonny Riviera
How to Be a Real Friend
In this crazy world where relationships often last about as long as a Popsicle on a hot summer day, it's nice to know that it is possible to actually make and keep friends. There is an art to being a friend and it's one that has to be practiced and perfected like any other kind of art. If you want to have a friend, you must learn to be a friend and here are some suggestions that will help you in that quest.
When you hit it off with someone and find that you have a lot in common and enjoying spending time together, it's only natural that you would want to continue that relationship. You'll want to pursue the friendship but not as such a pace that it frightens off the object of your interest. Be constant but not overbearing. Suggest getting together but if you sense a hesitancy on the part of your friend, back off a bit and give them a little space. Everyone is different in how quickly they like to develop a relationship. Respect their parameters.
Become familiar with the moods of your friend so that you can be uplifting when you sense the need for that, or perhaps so you can inject some humor when things are getting rather "heavy" or just a listening ear when that is what is called for. Be there for your friend because chances are very good that they will be there for you when you have those needs.
Cherish the friendship for the treasure that it is. Real relationships are a lot of work and worth every bit of the effort that you put into them, so plan to be there for the long haul. Make sure your friend knows they can count on you in good times and in bad times and that you are not judging them. You don't have to agree with everything they do or say to be a friend, it's okay and perfectly normal to see things from an entirely different perspective. In fact, those differences can be very helpful in maintaining a good balance both for yourself and your friend.
You should be able to have great laughs, good cries and wonderful experiences with a true friend but don't expect every day to be a great day. Friendships go through ups and downs like almost every other relationship. It's all so worth it and you can count yourself a blessed person indeed if you have a true friend that will be with you through the thick and thin times of life.
Nancy kelsey Smith
When you hit it off with someone and find that you have a lot in common and enjoying spending time together, it's only natural that you would want to continue that relationship. You'll want to pursue the friendship but not as such a pace that it frightens off the object of your interest. Be constant but not overbearing. Suggest getting together but if you sense a hesitancy on the part of your friend, back off a bit and give them a little space. Everyone is different in how quickly they like to develop a relationship. Respect their parameters.
Become familiar with the moods of your friend so that you can be uplifting when you sense the need for that, or perhaps so you can inject some humor when things are getting rather "heavy" or just a listening ear when that is what is called for. Be there for your friend because chances are very good that they will be there for you when you have those needs.
Cherish the friendship for the treasure that it is. Real relationships are a lot of work and worth every bit of the effort that you put into them, so plan to be there for the long haul. Make sure your friend knows they can count on you in good times and in bad times and that you are not judging them. You don't have to agree with everything they do or say to be a friend, it's okay and perfectly normal to see things from an entirely different perspective. In fact, those differences can be very helpful in maintaining a good balance both for yourself and your friend.
You should be able to have great laughs, good cries and wonderful experiences with a true friend but don't expect every day to be a great day. Friendships go through ups and downs like almost every other relationship. It's all so worth it and you can count yourself a blessed person indeed if you have a true friend that will be with you through the thick and thin times of life.
Nancy kelsey Smith
Turn Enemies Into Friends
Imagine all the enemies in your life converted to rewarding, lasting friendships, wouldn't that be something? How many more friends would you have? How would that change your outlook on life? Obviously, only positive outcomes could occur, but is it possible? You'll be surprised to find that not only is it possible, but easy and even fun! Here are some tips to convert your most despised enemies into long lasting friendships.
Discuss with them, things that neutral. Avoid topics that may lead to why you two aren't friends in the first place. Discuss things that don't contribute to a mutual hatred. Try to talk about things that they are good at. Complement them for what they have achieved. This conveys that there is little hostility felt by you. If you keep a respectful manor, no matter what happened in the past, your rival will do the same. But be sure not to be too nice or it will seem like you have no intention of becoming building a friendship, rather, simply condescending or teasing them.
Discuss something that is a shared passion between the two of you. (If you both like: pets, sports, etc.). Nothing will unite two people as a mutual passion for something will. There will always be something you two feel similarly about even if it doesn't seem like it.
Ask for their advice. Not only does this help with making enemies, friends, it can be used to make friends in general. Asking for advice from someone displays a deep sentiment of trust and respect for the recipient.
Make sure, when they are not around, you maintain the same level of respect you would if they were standing right next to you. Do not speak negatively about them to other people, try to avoid the topic of your enemy altogether but if forced, be sure to speak only positively. The worst thing that can happened when starting a new friendship is for them to hear your gossips, especially from others.
Treat them as you would any other friend, this means telling jokes, showing empathy, etc. Act normal. This will make them feel as though you two have been friends for a long time and will allow them to forget the differences in the past.
After they have become a relatively trusted and close friend, tell that you are sorry for what happened in the past and that you hope that you two could put it all behind. At this stage, they will likely follow suit. Create a productive friendship. Invite them over for a family gathering, a barbeque. Invite them to go camping. The possibilities are endless. By doing this, you are ensuring that the friendship endures for many years.
There you have it, you are now ready to convert your most hated enemies into your most trusted friends.
David Z
Discuss with them, things that neutral. Avoid topics that may lead to why you two aren't friends in the first place. Discuss things that don't contribute to a mutual hatred. Try to talk about things that they are good at. Complement them for what they have achieved. This conveys that there is little hostility felt by you. If you keep a respectful manor, no matter what happened in the past, your rival will do the same. But be sure not to be too nice or it will seem like you have no intention of becoming building a friendship, rather, simply condescending or teasing them.
Discuss something that is a shared passion between the two of you. (If you both like: pets, sports, etc.). Nothing will unite two people as a mutual passion for something will. There will always be something you two feel similarly about even if it doesn't seem like it.
Ask for their advice. Not only does this help with making enemies, friends, it can be used to make friends in general. Asking for advice from someone displays a deep sentiment of trust and respect for the recipient.
Make sure, when they are not around, you maintain the same level of respect you would if they were standing right next to you. Do not speak negatively about them to other people, try to avoid the topic of your enemy altogether but if forced, be sure to speak only positively. The worst thing that can happened when starting a new friendship is for them to hear your gossips, especially from others.
Treat them as you would any other friend, this means telling jokes, showing empathy, etc. Act normal. This will make them feel as though you two have been friends for a long time and will allow them to forget the differences in the past.
After they have become a relatively trusted and close friend, tell that you are sorry for what happened in the past and that you hope that you two could put it all behind. At this stage, they will likely follow suit. Create a productive friendship. Invite them over for a family gathering, a barbeque. Invite them to go camping. The possibilities are endless. By doing this, you are ensuring that the friendship endures for many years.
There you have it, you are now ready to convert your most hated enemies into your most trusted friends.
David Z
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Surviving the Relationship Recession
It's hard not to read a paper, watch the news or look at your portfolio without feeling depressed about the current economy. I have been wondering how the current economic climate is impacting relationships. How is your relationship faring in this economic downturn? Of course, many individuals are suffering financially and it is inevitable that this will place stress on families and relationships.
However, I think this recession is a gift wrapped in dirty paper. You don't have to have a relationship recession! What I mean by that is that there are always opportunities in tough times, and the opportunity here is to come back to forming and maintaining loving, healthy and life affirming relationships. The great thing about relationships is they don't cost anything! At this time there are even more reasons to head out and connect with the people you care about.
Maybe 'date night' with your partner will start with dinner at home and then you go out for a glass of wine to a vibrant wine bar or cafe to soak up the atmosphere. Perhaps you will have a coffee with your friend, instead of spending an afternoon shopping for clothes. For a small amount of money, you get to enjoy the wonderful company of your friend and catch up on all the news, without the stress of thinking how much is this long lunch costing me? And have you ever been at a restaurant with a large group of friends when you only have an entree and drink mineral water, and then at the end of the evening you split the bill for everyone's 3 courses and numerous bottles of wine? Yes, we've all been there and it hurts! Instead, have your friends over for dinner and each bring a plate of food and a bottle. It's really about the company, and who can beat your own warm dining room, ambient music and no wait staff tapping their fingers and waiting for you to leave the restaurant!
While all the news in the economy might be about scarcity, I want you to think of your relationships with an attitude of abundance! The challenge of this time is to focus on listening, sharing and connecting, so that you can create relationships that have greater meaning to you. Think about how you can invest more in your relationships. Consider all the ways you can appreciate and enjoy the company of those you love and care for. Remember, when you invest in your relationships, the dividends are always high.
Clinton power
However, I think this recession is a gift wrapped in dirty paper. You don't have to have a relationship recession! What I mean by that is that there are always opportunities in tough times, and the opportunity here is to come back to forming and maintaining loving, healthy and life affirming relationships. The great thing about relationships is they don't cost anything! At this time there are even more reasons to head out and connect with the people you care about.
Maybe 'date night' with your partner will start with dinner at home and then you go out for a glass of wine to a vibrant wine bar or cafe to soak up the atmosphere. Perhaps you will have a coffee with your friend, instead of spending an afternoon shopping for clothes. For a small amount of money, you get to enjoy the wonderful company of your friend and catch up on all the news, without the stress of thinking how much is this long lunch costing me? And have you ever been at a restaurant with a large group of friends when you only have an entree and drink mineral water, and then at the end of the evening you split the bill for everyone's 3 courses and numerous bottles of wine? Yes, we've all been there and it hurts! Instead, have your friends over for dinner and each bring a plate of food and a bottle. It's really about the company, and who can beat your own warm dining room, ambient music and no wait staff tapping their fingers and waiting for you to leave the restaurant!
While all the news in the economy might be about scarcity, I want you to think of your relationships with an attitude of abundance! The challenge of this time is to focus on listening, sharing and connecting, so that you can create relationships that have greater meaning to you. Think about how you can invest more in your relationships. Consider all the ways you can appreciate and enjoy the company of those you love and care for. Remember, when you invest in your relationships, the dividends are always high.
Clinton power
Boundaries Are Like Your Skin - Don't Leave Home Without It!
People will often experience stress, depression, anxiety and/or addiction as a result of what's going on in their relationships. Often this is due to a lack of a healthy boundary between ourselves and our own needs and the needs and expectations of others. Poor boundaries will often lead to unhealthy relationships, stress, depression, anxiety, addiction and not to mention, poor self esteem!
So, what is a boundary? The simplest and most common analogy that clarifies what a boundary is and the importance of having boundaries ...is one of the most obvious and easy to remember....your skin!
Our skin is a boundary. It keeps our insides protected from the outside environment. Imagine what your life would be like if you didn't have any skin? Life would be quite difficult if all of our internal parts were exposed to our external environment, the scorching heat, cold frost, prickly plants or our pets jumping on our bodies ... ouch! Imagine what life would be like without that boundary.
Having boundaries is key to living a healthy and happy life. Think about it, even though our skin is a boundary for our internal tissue, we protect our skin by shielding it with clothing, protective sunscreen or other protective cover to ensure that our skin is able to do its job which is to protect our insides. If we didn't have this protection, we would start to feel pretty exposed, burned, cold and perhaps feel violated both literally and figuratively.
Did you know that nobody respects a person whom they can use? People use people they can use, and respect people they can't use. What are your needs? Perhaps it starts with the need of setting a limit asserting yourself by saying "No" to what you don't want anymore.
Paul Radkowski
So, what is a boundary? The simplest and most common analogy that clarifies what a boundary is and the importance of having boundaries ...is one of the most obvious and easy to remember....your skin!
Our skin is a boundary. It keeps our insides protected from the outside environment. Imagine what your life would be like if you didn't have any skin? Life would be quite difficult if all of our internal parts were exposed to our external environment, the scorching heat, cold frost, prickly plants or our pets jumping on our bodies ... ouch! Imagine what life would be like without that boundary.
Having boundaries is key to living a healthy and happy life. Think about it, even though our skin is a boundary for our internal tissue, we protect our skin by shielding it with clothing, protective sunscreen or other protective cover to ensure that our skin is able to do its job which is to protect our insides. If we didn't have this protection, we would start to feel pretty exposed, burned, cold and perhaps feel violated both literally and figuratively.
Did you know that nobody respects a person whom they can use? People use people they can use, and respect people they can't use. What are your needs? Perhaps it starts with the need of setting a limit asserting yourself by saying "No" to what you don't want anymore.
Paul Radkowski
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
How to Open Up the Lines of Communication and Maintain a Healthy Relationship
When you start out in a relationship everything seems to flow. All is smooth sailing and you're happy to do whatever your sweetie wants. You see only the good in them and want to spend as much time as possible with them. Communicating is a breeze and you both hit the ground running for a successful relationship.
Then, as things progress, you start to see some of their flaws, you start to realize that you don't always want to go along with their plans and you have to start communicating on a deeper level.
It's at this point that things can become tricky. It's here where you can either go down the path of a breakup OR turn the tables and open up the lines of communication to resurrect your relationship and iron out your differences. No two people are ever the same. Big surprise I know.
So for a relationship to last, you NEED to have:
Some common interests Without this, you'll spend less and less time together and have less and less to talk about.
Communication is always up there as one of the main ingredients of a flourishing relationship. So it's vital you hone this skill. If you don't want to waste your time, make sure you get involved with someone with whom you have enough in common.
When you do things together, you get to know each on a deeper level. You're not only communicating through speech, but also through body language, friendship, love and support for each other. Respect for each other grows, each of your guards is let down, and both your heart's grow fond on each other. Now that's a formula for a successful relationship!
Next item on the agenda.
Communication With Ease And Without Hesitation. How easy can you talk to your ex on things? If you say something, are you worried that your ex will jump down your throat? Are you worried they won't take you seriously?
How about employing the three C's (Calm, Cool and Collected). Even if your ex turns into a raging pitbull, you can quickly calm that rage, and mellow them out to a state of total relaxation. It really is quite powerful.
Using the three C's, you can more easily,
Avoid fighting, and ensure both of you can discuss issues in a chilled-out way.
Be taken seriously by your ex. Do You Really Know What Your Ex Wants? No matter how close two people are, we are not mind readers, and there will be times when you don't know what your partner wants. So how do you get partner's inner thoughts out into the open? It's crucial to "get" these inner thoughts so that you can understand why your breakup occurred and what you can do to fix it.
Don't Shut Down The Channels Of Communication The moment you start evading issues and topics; the moment you start talking in half-truths and holding-back, is the moment you're wandering into the land of dishonesty. Dishonesty is a sure-fire way of shutting down the channels of communication.
If you're open and honest, the task ahead of sorting out any difficulties will become that so much easier.
Where Do You Focus Your Energy? Do you focus on the negative or positive side of your ex?
Your ex won't want to communicate when they see that everything you do and say as "an attack" on their flaws? Your ex won't want to communicate when nothing ever seems good enough. If you look for the negative, you'll find it; if you look for the positive, you'll find it too. Focus on the positive things in your ex and show them you appreciate these things.
Jay Kern
Then, as things progress, you start to see some of their flaws, you start to realize that you don't always want to go along with their plans and you have to start communicating on a deeper level.
It's at this point that things can become tricky. It's here where you can either go down the path of a breakup OR turn the tables and open up the lines of communication to resurrect your relationship and iron out your differences. No two people are ever the same. Big surprise I know.
So for a relationship to last, you NEED to have:
Some common interests Without this, you'll spend less and less time together and have less and less to talk about.
Communication is always up there as one of the main ingredients of a flourishing relationship. So it's vital you hone this skill. If you don't want to waste your time, make sure you get involved with someone with whom you have enough in common.
When you do things together, you get to know each on a deeper level. You're not only communicating through speech, but also through body language, friendship, love and support for each other. Respect for each other grows, each of your guards is let down, and both your heart's grow fond on each other. Now that's a formula for a successful relationship!
Next item on the agenda.
Communication With Ease And Without Hesitation. How easy can you talk to your ex on things? If you say something, are you worried that your ex will jump down your throat? Are you worried they won't take you seriously?
How about employing the three C's (Calm, Cool and Collected). Even if your ex turns into a raging pitbull, you can quickly calm that rage, and mellow them out to a state of total relaxation. It really is quite powerful.
Using the three C's, you can more easily,
Avoid fighting, and ensure both of you can discuss issues in a chilled-out way.
Be taken seriously by your ex. Do You Really Know What Your Ex Wants? No matter how close two people are, we are not mind readers, and there will be times when you don't know what your partner wants. So how do you get partner's inner thoughts out into the open? It's crucial to "get" these inner thoughts so that you can understand why your breakup occurred and what you can do to fix it.
Don't Shut Down The Channels Of Communication The moment you start evading issues and topics; the moment you start talking in half-truths and holding-back, is the moment you're wandering into the land of dishonesty. Dishonesty is a sure-fire way of shutting down the channels of communication.
If you're open and honest, the task ahead of sorting out any difficulties will become that so much easier.
Where Do You Focus Your Energy? Do you focus on the negative or positive side of your ex?
Your ex won't want to communicate when they see that everything you do and say as "an attack" on their flaws? Your ex won't want to communicate when nothing ever seems good enough. If you look for the negative, you'll find it; if you look for the positive, you'll find it too. Focus on the positive things in your ex and show them you appreciate these things.
Jay Kern
How to Pass Through Barriers of Communication
Here are some rules for us to minimize the effects of bad communication.
1. Communication should be planned;
2. The precise determination of purpose is needed;
3. The communication must be done carefully;
4. Ideas needs first to be clarified before communicated;
5. The words should carefully be chosen and used in the good context;
Culture, background and the influences - our experience can sometimes influence the quality of messages delivered or received. Culture, for example, can sometimes be a disturbing factor of communication, making it inefficient to understand a new message if it is not framed in the context of the culture.
Own person - when in a discussion one partner focuses on their own person, it misses what the other partner need to say.
Background noise - some equipment or even the environment can cause disruption of communication. So who delivers a message and one that receives will be forced to make a further effort to communicate effectively.
Stress - it is known that stress affects the communication process in the sense that a stressed person no longer receives a message as he normally does.
Perception - When a person speaks too fast, not in fluent way or is not properly articulating words we are tempted to no longer give all the attention.
Ideal would be that the communication is impeccable and there is a universal language neutral to assure the accuracy of the process. Unfortunately though, it does not exist except in particular situations. In common situations, disturbances are pervasive factors and only through a sustained effort, those who participate in the communication can remove or minimize the influences may be in providing an efficient communication, which is intended from the beginning.
Christian Florescu
1. Communication should be planned;
2. The precise determination of purpose is needed;
3. The communication must be done carefully;
4. Ideas needs first to be clarified before communicated;
5. The words should carefully be chosen and used in the good context;
Culture, background and the influences - our experience can sometimes influence the quality of messages delivered or received. Culture, for example, can sometimes be a disturbing factor of communication, making it inefficient to understand a new message if it is not framed in the context of the culture.
Own person - when in a discussion one partner focuses on their own person, it misses what the other partner need to say.
Background noise - some equipment or even the environment can cause disruption of communication. So who delivers a message and one that receives will be forced to make a further effort to communicate effectively.
Stress - it is known that stress affects the communication process in the sense that a stressed person no longer receives a message as he normally does.
Perception - When a person speaks too fast, not in fluent way or is not properly articulating words we are tempted to no longer give all the attention.
Ideal would be that the communication is impeccable and there is a universal language neutral to assure the accuracy of the process. Unfortunately though, it does not exist except in particular situations. In common situations, disturbances are pervasive factors and only through a sustained effort, those who participate in the communication can remove or minimize the influences may be in providing an efficient communication, which is intended from the beginning.
Christian Florescu
How to Get on With People You Don't Like
People behave the way they do for two main reasons-they don't know any other way of behaving or they believe that that behavior gets the outcomes they want. Managers are likely to come across at least one employee whose behavior they don't like, with whom they don't see eye to eye, or whom they dislike for some other reason. The challenge resides with managers. Are they flexible enough to bring about desired changes in the employee and the relationship? Here are a few considerations...
1. Try to be tolerant. The fact that you don't like certain employees should not be allowed to affect the way you relate to them. You have to be tolerant and positive in your attitude toward such people. Try to adopt a relaxed, confident, easygoing style to demonstrate that you are not put off by people who can be hard to get on with.
2. Practice liking people. Will Rogers adopted the famous line 'I never met a man I didn't like' as his way of getting on with people. Other successful ways include these: • Create opportunities to recognize an individual's achievements. • Remember people's names. • Treat all people with respect. • Concentrate only on the work context. • Focus on the person's good points; don't be too critical. Remember Richard Burton's description of Elizabeth Taylor: 'Her arms are too fat, her legs are too short, she is too big in the bust, she has an incipient double chin, and she has a slight pot belly'. He still married her-twice.
3. Be flexible about how you respond to the behavior of others. If you learn to be flexible in the way you react to difficult people, you'll learn to live with their unpleasantness. The secret is to choose an appropriate response to particular behaviors. For example, • If the person always reacts aggressively, give responsibility and encourage ownership. • If the person carries a personal grudge, avoid discussions about pet peeves. • If the person never admits being in the wrong, avoid direct criticism, sarcasm, and ridicule. Deal with the problem in private. • If the person is argumentative, stay calm and cite hard facts and figures to present an alternative position. • If the person is over-talkative, have someone 'interrupt' you at a prescribed time, or plead another appointment, or start to move away. • Practice tact-the ability to rub out another's faults instead of rubbing them in.
4. Keep your work relationship formal but friendly. Being formal does not mean avoiding the employee altogether. It means that you confine your interest in that person to work-related matters. In fact, by dealing with the employee in this way, interactions will be kept to a minimum and will not interfere with work outcomes. Let the employee make the first move to discuss any matters not specifically related to the job.
5. Never let a relationship cloud your managerial responsibilities. Do not let testy relationships with difficult people inhibit your managerial style. Indeed, you should try extra hard to involve such people by delegating appropriate tasks and inviting them to participate in committees, working parties, and other essential activities. Managers who set out to be liked by everyone all the time are heading for problems-just as those who do not attempt to patch up differences will inherit a similar batch of managerial headaches.
6. Talk to the employee. Life is too short to get trapped into playing games such as 'I don't like you' or 'I'm not talking to you'. If there's a problem with an employee, discuss it maturely and non-threateningly. You will have taken the first step to a possible resolution of any conflict.
7. Make changes. As a result of talking over the matter with the employee, you may be able to recommend some changes. If you are in the wrong in any way, admit it and resolve to do something about it. If the employee is in the wrong, reach agreement about particular changes to be made. Let the person see that you are eager to operate in a friendlier way than in the past.
8. Develop coping skills. Your desire to get on with all behavioral types will require that you improve some existing skills and take on new ones. By your actions you will demonstrate your intention to get on with all people-even those you don't like.
9. Remove ego. If allowed to go unchecked, your ego may be acting against you getting on well with others, including those you don't necessarily like. Cooperation is alien to the ego, except when there is a secondary motive. You'll find that the more you include others, the more smoothly things flow and the more easily things come to you. Eckhart Tolle in A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose, makes the point that, when you give little or no help to others or even put obstacles in their path, the universe - in the form of people and circumstances - gives little or no help to you because you have cut yourself of from the whole. Your resentment of another person's success curtails your own chances of success. You can't afford not to get on with all people
Dr Neil Flanagan
1. Try to be tolerant. The fact that you don't like certain employees should not be allowed to affect the way you relate to them. You have to be tolerant and positive in your attitude toward such people. Try to adopt a relaxed, confident, easygoing style to demonstrate that you are not put off by people who can be hard to get on with.
2. Practice liking people. Will Rogers adopted the famous line 'I never met a man I didn't like' as his way of getting on with people. Other successful ways include these: • Create opportunities to recognize an individual's achievements. • Remember people's names. • Treat all people with respect. • Concentrate only on the work context. • Focus on the person's good points; don't be too critical. Remember Richard Burton's description of Elizabeth Taylor: 'Her arms are too fat, her legs are too short, she is too big in the bust, she has an incipient double chin, and she has a slight pot belly'. He still married her-twice.
3. Be flexible about how you respond to the behavior of others. If you learn to be flexible in the way you react to difficult people, you'll learn to live with their unpleasantness. The secret is to choose an appropriate response to particular behaviors. For example, • If the person always reacts aggressively, give responsibility and encourage ownership. • If the person carries a personal grudge, avoid discussions about pet peeves. • If the person never admits being in the wrong, avoid direct criticism, sarcasm, and ridicule. Deal with the problem in private. • If the person is argumentative, stay calm and cite hard facts and figures to present an alternative position. • If the person is over-talkative, have someone 'interrupt' you at a prescribed time, or plead another appointment, or start to move away. • Practice tact-the ability to rub out another's faults instead of rubbing them in.
4. Keep your work relationship formal but friendly. Being formal does not mean avoiding the employee altogether. It means that you confine your interest in that person to work-related matters. In fact, by dealing with the employee in this way, interactions will be kept to a minimum and will not interfere with work outcomes. Let the employee make the first move to discuss any matters not specifically related to the job.
5. Never let a relationship cloud your managerial responsibilities. Do not let testy relationships with difficult people inhibit your managerial style. Indeed, you should try extra hard to involve such people by delegating appropriate tasks and inviting them to participate in committees, working parties, and other essential activities. Managers who set out to be liked by everyone all the time are heading for problems-just as those who do not attempt to patch up differences will inherit a similar batch of managerial headaches.
6. Talk to the employee. Life is too short to get trapped into playing games such as 'I don't like you' or 'I'm not talking to you'. If there's a problem with an employee, discuss it maturely and non-threateningly. You will have taken the first step to a possible resolution of any conflict.
7. Make changes. As a result of talking over the matter with the employee, you may be able to recommend some changes. If you are in the wrong in any way, admit it and resolve to do something about it. If the employee is in the wrong, reach agreement about particular changes to be made. Let the person see that you are eager to operate in a friendlier way than in the past.
8. Develop coping skills. Your desire to get on with all behavioral types will require that you improve some existing skills and take on new ones. By your actions you will demonstrate your intention to get on with all people-even those you don't like.
9. Remove ego. If allowed to go unchecked, your ego may be acting against you getting on well with others, including those you don't necessarily like. Cooperation is alien to the ego, except when there is a secondary motive. You'll find that the more you include others, the more smoothly things flow and the more easily things come to you. Eckhart Tolle in A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose, makes the point that, when you give little or no help to others or even put obstacles in their path, the universe - in the form of people and circumstances - gives little or no help to you because you have cut yourself of from the whole. Your resentment of another person's success curtails your own chances of success. You can't afford not to get on with all people
Dr Neil Flanagan
How to Keep Him - Communication is the Key to the Best Relationships
It is so easy to express your thoughts and emotions with your girlfriends. So why is it so hard to have the same type of communication with your man? The reality is: men and women communicate in such different manners.
When women talk to their girlfriends, they spare no detail. They talk about their thoughts and the depth of their feelings and how those feelings make them react. When men talk, they get to the point with as little detail as possible and they're done.
It's like shopping. When a man goes to the mall, he knows exactly what store has his product. He goes directly to the store, purchases the first item that meets his needs and promptly leaves the mall. Women spend countless hours browsing from item to item. Men don't browse. They get in and they get out.
To establish good communication with your man, you need to learn how to talk to him. It is very different than talking to your girlfriends. Watch him when he speaks. All men have hot buttons that should never be pushed. They also have buttons that can be pushed with great results. Learn which buttons are off limits and which are open targets.
Pay attention to his body language. Does he tune you out when you begin to speak? If he does, you need to change your approach. Don't start your conversation with judgment. Don't compound your conversation with your opinion of his shortcomings and how he should correct them. If you start with either of these approaches, you'll never establish the level of communication you're seeking.
There is a time and place for everything. Don't start your conversations criticizing him or his actions. The topic of his selfishness shouldn't be addressed when he's watching the game. The topic of remodeling the house should not be addressed when he's sorting through piles of unpaid bills. .
Establish a tone that allows him to participate in the conversation. If he feels you are lecturing him or dictating your thoughts to him, he will surely tune you out. Instead, ask him for his opinion on your desired topic. Once he gives you his opinion, accept his thoughts and move on. Don't read a deeper meaning into the topic. Remember shopping, quick - in and out. If you find the topic pushes a hot button, you know that it's off limits; move on.
When it comes to communicating with your man, make him feel that he can tell you anything without repercussions. If he is uncomfortable talking to you; to put it simply, he won't talk to you. If he feels he can communicate with you on any topic, he will open a new level of closeness with you.
Teecee Go
When women talk to their girlfriends, they spare no detail. They talk about their thoughts and the depth of their feelings and how those feelings make them react. When men talk, they get to the point with as little detail as possible and they're done.
It's like shopping. When a man goes to the mall, he knows exactly what store has his product. He goes directly to the store, purchases the first item that meets his needs and promptly leaves the mall. Women spend countless hours browsing from item to item. Men don't browse. They get in and they get out.
To establish good communication with your man, you need to learn how to talk to him. It is very different than talking to your girlfriends. Watch him when he speaks. All men have hot buttons that should never be pushed. They also have buttons that can be pushed with great results. Learn which buttons are off limits and which are open targets.
Pay attention to his body language. Does he tune you out when you begin to speak? If he does, you need to change your approach. Don't start your conversation with judgment. Don't compound your conversation with your opinion of his shortcomings and how he should correct them. If you start with either of these approaches, you'll never establish the level of communication you're seeking.
There is a time and place for everything. Don't start your conversations criticizing him or his actions. The topic of his selfishness shouldn't be addressed when he's watching the game. The topic of remodeling the house should not be addressed when he's sorting through piles of unpaid bills. .
Establish a tone that allows him to participate in the conversation. If he feels you are lecturing him or dictating your thoughts to him, he will surely tune you out. Instead, ask him for his opinion on your desired topic. Once he gives you his opinion, accept his thoughts and move on. Don't read a deeper meaning into the topic. Remember shopping, quick - in and out. If you find the topic pushes a hot button, you know that it's off limits; move on.
When it comes to communicating with your man, make him feel that he can tell you anything without repercussions. If he is uncomfortable talking to you; to put it simply, he won't talk to you. If he feels he can communicate with you on any topic, he will open a new level of closeness with you.
Teecee Go
How to Talk to Any Guy, Anywhere - The Skill of Being a Great Conversationalist
Do you possess the gift of gab that lets you talk to any guy about anything at any time? Is it easy for you to strike up a conversation with a cute guy in spite of of the surroundings or the situation? Can you talk to someone you like without getting nervous or losing your words? If so, then consider yourself lucky! The reality is that most women have trouble talking to guys that they are interested in. however; part of making a good impression on someone is knowing how to communicate with them in any situation. To do this, you need to sound confident and be able to express yourself. Remember the following tips and you will soon be able to talk to any guy, anywhere.
• Ask a lot of questions.
Show a guy that you are genuinely interested in him by asking him a lot of questions. To begin with, take something that he has said and ask more questions about it. What if he's quiet and appears to be difficult to talk to? Don't worry; just because he is quiet does not mean that he is entirely indifferent to you. Make eye contact with him as he is responding, and remember to smile. Also, comment on your surroundings. If you're at a party, talk about the music or the food. If you're in a public place, ask about directions, the location-anything to get the ball rolling.
• Get him to talk about himself.
Encourage him to open up about himself and his interests. He will be impressed that you are interested in him and people tend to be impressed with people who are impressed with them. You can talk to any guy if you are able to get the guy talking about himself. Ask a few key questions about where he works, what he does, and where he is from. Don't ask questions that sound nosy, just enough to keep him talking. You don't need to know about his relationship with his sister or how much money he nets.
• Laugh and act like you're having fun
If he makes a joke, be sure to laugh-even if it's corny. You want him to think that you are having a good time with him. He will be pleased that he is able to make you smile. Don't fake it, of course, because that will just be awkward and he will be able to tell that you are insincere.
Remember these tips and soon you will be able to talk to any guy. Once you get the ball rolling, then the conversation ill be easy to keep up.
Tina Jones
• Ask a lot of questions.
Show a guy that you are genuinely interested in him by asking him a lot of questions. To begin with, take something that he has said and ask more questions about it. What if he's quiet and appears to be difficult to talk to? Don't worry; just because he is quiet does not mean that he is entirely indifferent to you. Make eye contact with him as he is responding, and remember to smile. Also, comment on your surroundings. If you're at a party, talk about the music or the food. If you're in a public place, ask about directions, the location-anything to get the ball rolling.
• Get him to talk about himself.
Encourage him to open up about himself and his interests. He will be impressed that you are interested in him and people tend to be impressed with people who are impressed with them. You can talk to any guy if you are able to get the guy talking about himself. Ask a few key questions about where he works, what he does, and where he is from. Don't ask questions that sound nosy, just enough to keep him talking. You don't need to know about his relationship with his sister or how much money he nets.
• Laugh and act like you're having fun
If he makes a joke, be sure to laugh-even if it's corny. You want him to think that you are having a good time with him. He will be pleased that he is able to make you smile. Don't fake it, of course, because that will just be awkward and he will be able to tell that you are insincere.
Remember these tips and soon you will be able to talk to any guy. Once you get the ball rolling, then the conversation ill be easy to keep up.
Tina Jones
Friday, August 14, 2009
Can We Talk?
Yes, if you've ever in your life seen a Joan Rivers routine, you've certainly heard "Can we talk?" The question I'd like to ask the midlife world today is, "OK . . . can we???"
Last Thursday night's guest on my internet radio program was relationship expert, Kathleen Sims, and she talked about the sorts of things that go to make up a successful relationship, especially at midlife. She was very willing to go beyond the kinds of hype that other relationship gurus seem to be using (the kind of promotion that says, "We guarantee that if you follow our easy 3-step program, your relationship will achieve instant perfection!"). We talked about how, as relationships mature, the challenges actually deepen.
In this context, she revealed a startling bit of personal experience: as part of the mentoring that she provides to couples, she has several times offered workshops on communication. Remarkably, she has had little success convincing people to attend. Both she and I have had similar experiences: in general, people seems reluctant to handle the basic fundamental things that are required to create the life that they want. This can be a devastating deficiency at midlife: failing to take care of yourself properly can catapult you into a crisis situation that has the potential to destroy your career, your relationship(s) and/or your health unnecessarily. So . . . can we talk?
Communication forms the very essence of any relationship. Of course we'll have many relatives (face it: we're stuck with them) in our lives, but that doesn't mean that we will have a relationship with them. They're like many of the items in our safe deposit box: we have to keep them, but we don't need to deal with them. Some people (falsely) assume that, just because you're married to someone, you necessarily have a relationship with him or her. When imagining that you have a relationship with someone else, it's as though you imagine, in Kathleen's inspired terms, that birth or marriage or civil union has merged the two of you into a sort of conglomerate. If you imagine yourself as a circle and your relationship-partner (by birth or in law) as a second circle, you may think that your relationship causes the circles to merge. I have to agree with Kathleen that, in fact, they do not. Instead, there's a third circle that represents your relationship, and it 'belongs' to neither one of you, but to both of you.
That third circle that we call 'relationship' is not natural, it's created and sustained by the decisions and actions that both of you take. Those decisions and actions determine whether or not there will be communication. Here's the simple 'bottom line': if there's no communication, there's no relationship regardless whether you're parent-child, siblings, life partners, or just friends. You can't be in a relationship by default. You're either working at it (by continually learning to communicate and practicing what you've learned), or it doesn't exist at all. You don't have to have a court order to 'divorce' your husband, wife, partner, father, mother, sibling, partner, friend; all you need to do to have an effective divorce is to stop talking about what's really important to you.
As usual in this midlife 'game', men have a tougher time at this than women do, and in both directions: we haven't been raised to share our deeper thoughts and feelings, nor have we been taught the skills of active, empathetic listening. We too often replace real understanding and empathy - real communication - with the 'right answers': "Yes, dear," or "OK," or "Yup . . . understood." There are so many nice and agreeable responses that we men can make that feign listening. We use them in our work situations all the time. They're empathy surrogates: they're meant to make it appear that we're doing what we know we're not: listening. We know the difference. We man know when we're really telling you the truth; and very often it scares us to death!
Midlife can't be successfully navigated without fully engaging in the never-ending struggle to learn to communicate more effectively. It means learning to tell you who I am and what's going on with me. It also means listening to you at a level that goes far beyond your words: recognizing that, for example, when you're upset, it's about you and not about me. It's a life-long task to learn to extract the meaning from the words, especially when that meaning has little to do with what the words mean. The task very often involves listening with the heart and blocking out the head - particularly in very intimate relationships.
You may be saying, "I don't need to learn how to communicate! After all, I've been doing it since before I learned to talk!" Or do you? Too often, our fear and our pride keep us away from working on the 'basics', as though learning to communicate with others was like learning to feed yourself: once you've got it, you've got it. That attitude leaves many people foundering with a childish skill level in adult situations. We feel like those we most need to have a relationship with "just don't understand us," whereas it's most often we who are unable to tell them what we need or even what's going on with us. People who love us very often don't understand because we're incapable of telling telling them what they need to know. In relationships, as in every other facet of life - particularly in the midlife transition - it's much easier for us to blame others for not 'getting' us than it is for us to do the hard work necessary to learn how to tell them what we need for them to know.
Midlife severely affects three areas of your life: 1) your career, 2) your relationships, and 3) your health and well-being. If any one of those areas isn't working for you right now, you need to take a deeper look at yourself. Pointing fingers at others will do nothing to get you out of whatever situation you find yourself in. You alone are responsible for your relationships. What do you need to do - to change - to make these things work. Dumping them should be a resort taken only when it makes no sense to continue (usually because the other person in the relationship has decided not to do the work to maintain his or her part of the relationship).
One final note about relationships: don't imagine that having a deep and vital relationship means that things will always go smoothly between you. They won't. Growth only comes from meeting (and grappling with) challenges and obstacles. A 'relationship' that has no friction or disagreements is most often that way because it lacks real intimacy. In fact, I'd be willing to go out on a limb here and say that the more vital and intimate a relationship is, the more challenging the struggles that ensue. Likewise, the more difficult the midlife transition from adulthood to maturity proves to be, the richer and fuller the maturity will become. Can we talk? Hang in there: don't quit before the miracle happens!
H Les Brown
Last Thursday night's guest on my internet radio program was relationship expert, Kathleen Sims, and she talked about the sorts of things that go to make up a successful relationship, especially at midlife. She was very willing to go beyond the kinds of hype that other relationship gurus seem to be using (the kind of promotion that says, "We guarantee that if you follow our easy 3-step program, your relationship will achieve instant perfection!"). We talked about how, as relationships mature, the challenges actually deepen.
In this context, she revealed a startling bit of personal experience: as part of the mentoring that she provides to couples, she has several times offered workshops on communication. Remarkably, she has had little success convincing people to attend. Both she and I have had similar experiences: in general, people seems reluctant to handle the basic fundamental things that are required to create the life that they want. This can be a devastating deficiency at midlife: failing to take care of yourself properly can catapult you into a crisis situation that has the potential to destroy your career, your relationship(s) and/or your health unnecessarily. So . . . can we talk?
Communication forms the very essence of any relationship. Of course we'll have many relatives (face it: we're stuck with them) in our lives, but that doesn't mean that we will have a relationship with them. They're like many of the items in our safe deposit box: we have to keep them, but we don't need to deal with them. Some people (falsely) assume that, just because you're married to someone, you necessarily have a relationship with him or her. When imagining that you have a relationship with someone else, it's as though you imagine, in Kathleen's inspired terms, that birth or marriage or civil union has merged the two of you into a sort of conglomerate. If you imagine yourself as a circle and your relationship-partner (by birth or in law) as a second circle, you may think that your relationship causes the circles to merge. I have to agree with Kathleen that, in fact, they do not. Instead, there's a third circle that represents your relationship, and it 'belongs' to neither one of you, but to both of you.
That third circle that we call 'relationship' is not natural, it's created and sustained by the decisions and actions that both of you take. Those decisions and actions determine whether or not there will be communication. Here's the simple 'bottom line': if there's no communication, there's no relationship regardless whether you're parent-child, siblings, life partners, or just friends. You can't be in a relationship by default. You're either working at it (by continually learning to communicate and practicing what you've learned), or it doesn't exist at all. You don't have to have a court order to 'divorce' your husband, wife, partner, father, mother, sibling, partner, friend; all you need to do to have an effective divorce is to stop talking about what's really important to you.
As usual in this midlife 'game', men have a tougher time at this than women do, and in both directions: we haven't been raised to share our deeper thoughts and feelings, nor have we been taught the skills of active, empathetic listening. We too often replace real understanding and empathy - real communication - with the 'right answers': "Yes, dear," or "OK," or "Yup . . . understood." There are so many nice and agreeable responses that we men can make that feign listening. We use them in our work situations all the time. They're empathy surrogates: they're meant to make it appear that we're doing what we know we're not: listening. We know the difference. We man know when we're really telling you the truth; and very often it scares us to death!
Midlife can't be successfully navigated without fully engaging in the never-ending struggle to learn to communicate more effectively. It means learning to tell you who I am and what's going on with me. It also means listening to you at a level that goes far beyond your words: recognizing that, for example, when you're upset, it's about you and not about me. It's a life-long task to learn to extract the meaning from the words, especially when that meaning has little to do with what the words mean. The task very often involves listening with the heart and blocking out the head - particularly in very intimate relationships.
You may be saying, "I don't need to learn how to communicate! After all, I've been doing it since before I learned to talk!" Or do you? Too often, our fear and our pride keep us away from working on the 'basics', as though learning to communicate with others was like learning to feed yourself: once you've got it, you've got it. That attitude leaves many people foundering with a childish skill level in adult situations. We feel like those we most need to have a relationship with "just don't understand us," whereas it's most often we who are unable to tell them what we need or even what's going on with us. People who love us very often don't understand because we're incapable of telling telling them what they need to know. In relationships, as in every other facet of life - particularly in the midlife transition - it's much easier for us to blame others for not 'getting' us than it is for us to do the hard work necessary to learn how to tell them what we need for them to know.
Midlife severely affects three areas of your life: 1) your career, 2) your relationships, and 3) your health and well-being. If any one of those areas isn't working for you right now, you need to take a deeper look at yourself. Pointing fingers at others will do nothing to get you out of whatever situation you find yourself in. You alone are responsible for your relationships. What do you need to do - to change - to make these things work. Dumping them should be a resort taken only when it makes no sense to continue (usually because the other person in the relationship has decided not to do the work to maintain his or her part of the relationship).
One final note about relationships: don't imagine that having a deep and vital relationship means that things will always go smoothly between you. They won't. Growth only comes from meeting (and grappling with) challenges and obstacles. A 'relationship' that has no friction or disagreements is most often that way because it lacks real intimacy. In fact, I'd be willing to go out on a limb here and say that the more vital and intimate a relationship is, the more challenging the struggles that ensue. Likewise, the more difficult the midlife transition from adulthood to maturity proves to be, the richer and fuller the maturity will become. Can we talk? Hang in there: don't quit before the miracle happens!
H Les Brown
How to Measure Success in Personal Relationships
A good relationship begins with attraction and usually is then nourished by a mutual love. Sometimes, as life will have it, success in relationships seems further away than you really want it to be. There is something to making up, though, that allows you to revive the romance in your life, get back with your ex, and have the success you deserve.
If you are truly in love, it is essential to be able to reconnect with your boyfriend or girlfriend. It's a skill you must master to get your ex back. For many, this task is difficult. It's not so easy when a break up is ugly and you find yourself fumbling for the right words to say, delaying the call back to acknowledge being inconsiderate, to say sorry for being rude, or whatever it was that interrupted the success you rightly deserve in your romance. A break up can be one of most awkward situations you find yourself in.
Companionship is special. You deserve that and the success that goes along with it. You may be in the midst of a breakup right now and being able to make up is a valuable skill to maintaining success in your relationship. There are simple phrases, words, gestures, symbols, movements, songs, and other techniques that are involved in the magic of making up. Saying "I'm sorry", and "You are right" are some of the most difficult sayings in relationships, yet those who mutter those words stand to gain the most. Those who are humbled by those words usually end up with happiness and relationship success.
In relationships, you must ask yourself if you are doing the right things to ensure its success. Are you a good listener? Are you thoughtful? Are you spontaneous? These are some of the other magic tricks most individuals forget to be in their relationships to be successful. These are so simple that you forget how important they are and you minimize their affect that can ultimately say "I Love You" without actually saying the words.
And that's another thing you may be forgetting. Do you continue to express how much your boyfriend or girlfriend means to you on a regular basis? Sometimes even saying it only once a day is not enough. You need to reassure your boyfriend or girlfriend that they are important to you. This might sound monotonous, but it works.
I would imagine that there are a few more important techniques you are also forgetting about that can aid you in the making up process and maintaining your commitment. You don't want to waste time trying to figure out the right words to say because that time is valuable and you don't want your ex to move on. You don't want to jeopardize what you have established already so time is of the essence if you want to save your relationship. You must act now with the aid of a strategic plan of action that covers making up. Having the resources at your disposal will ensure the success you desire.
I'm a true romantic at heart, expecting nothing less from want-to-be successful boyfriends and girlfriends. If you, too, could be guided by some pretty simple directions on The Magic of Making Up, why not give yourself a gift and get successful in your relationship right now? Just guarantee yourself success. You Deserve It!
Darlene Sanchez
If you are truly in love, it is essential to be able to reconnect with your boyfriend or girlfriend. It's a skill you must master to get your ex back. For many, this task is difficult. It's not so easy when a break up is ugly and you find yourself fumbling for the right words to say, delaying the call back to acknowledge being inconsiderate, to say sorry for being rude, or whatever it was that interrupted the success you rightly deserve in your romance. A break up can be one of most awkward situations you find yourself in.
Companionship is special. You deserve that and the success that goes along with it. You may be in the midst of a breakup right now and being able to make up is a valuable skill to maintaining success in your relationship. There are simple phrases, words, gestures, symbols, movements, songs, and other techniques that are involved in the magic of making up. Saying "I'm sorry", and "You are right" are some of the most difficult sayings in relationships, yet those who mutter those words stand to gain the most. Those who are humbled by those words usually end up with happiness and relationship success.
In relationships, you must ask yourself if you are doing the right things to ensure its success. Are you a good listener? Are you thoughtful? Are you spontaneous? These are some of the other magic tricks most individuals forget to be in their relationships to be successful. These are so simple that you forget how important they are and you minimize their affect that can ultimately say "I Love You" without actually saying the words.
And that's another thing you may be forgetting. Do you continue to express how much your boyfriend or girlfriend means to you on a regular basis? Sometimes even saying it only once a day is not enough. You need to reassure your boyfriend or girlfriend that they are important to you. This might sound monotonous, but it works.
I would imagine that there are a few more important techniques you are also forgetting about that can aid you in the making up process and maintaining your commitment. You don't want to waste time trying to figure out the right words to say because that time is valuable and you don't want your ex to move on. You don't want to jeopardize what you have established already so time is of the essence if you want to save your relationship. You must act now with the aid of a strategic plan of action that covers making up. Having the resources at your disposal will ensure the success you desire.
I'm a true romantic at heart, expecting nothing less from want-to-be successful boyfriends and girlfriends. If you, too, could be guided by some pretty simple directions on The Magic of Making Up, why not give yourself a gift and get successful in your relationship right now? Just guarantee yourself success. You Deserve It!
Darlene Sanchez
3 Ways to Get Help With Relationships
Think back on every relationship you have ever been in. Surely, at one time or another, you just wanted out. Even the greatest guy or the most wonderful girl at some time becomes simply intolerable and there is no other way to deal with your relationship than to run as fast as you can!
If, however, you are willing to stick it out, are committed to your relationship and want to make it work, then you might actually be interested in finding help with relationships. Help with relationships is easier to find than you may think. You don't always have to go to an expensive marriage counselor or trained psychologist. There are lots of people and places out there who can help you for free!
1. There is nothing wrong with going to your local church, synagogue, or any other house of worship to ask for help. That's what they are there for! Even if you aren't a regular church-goer, most religious organizations will help you try and find a way out of your problems.
2. Talk to mom and dad (if they are still together, of course!), or any other older couple. People who have been together for years know things that the rest of us can only hope to discover. They know when to fight and when to leave it alone, and they know that a lot of work goes into any good, long-lasting relationship.
3. Go into your local bookstore and take a look at the self-help section. There are dozens, if not hundreds, of books on how to keep a relationship strong, fresh, honest, and beneficial for both parties. Look online and you will see numerous websites that give the same information. What you need to solve your relationship troubles is out there - you just need to go get it!
Help with relationships is available for anyone who is seeking it. Talk to your partner, commit to solving your problems, and go out there and do it.
May Lehman
If, however, you are willing to stick it out, are committed to your relationship and want to make it work, then you might actually be interested in finding help with relationships. Help with relationships is easier to find than you may think. You don't always have to go to an expensive marriage counselor or trained psychologist. There are lots of people and places out there who can help you for free!
1. There is nothing wrong with going to your local church, synagogue, or any other house of worship to ask for help. That's what they are there for! Even if you aren't a regular church-goer, most religious organizations will help you try and find a way out of your problems.
2. Talk to mom and dad (if they are still together, of course!), or any other older couple. People who have been together for years know things that the rest of us can only hope to discover. They know when to fight and when to leave it alone, and they know that a lot of work goes into any good, long-lasting relationship.
3. Go into your local bookstore and take a look at the self-help section. There are dozens, if not hundreds, of books on how to keep a relationship strong, fresh, honest, and beneficial for both parties. Look online and you will see numerous websites that give the same information. What you need to solve your relationship troubles is out there - you just need to go get it!
Help with relationships is available for anyone who is seeking it. Talk to your partner, commit to solving your problems, and go out there and do it.
May Lehman
Strengthening Your Relationship
Why is being in a relationship sometimes the most satisfying and joyful experience and at other times the most miserable?
Many romantic relationships start out feeling fantastic. You feel seen for who you really are, and even your flaws are loved and cherished. You feel the same in return. In the beginning, your partner's flaws are endearing and loveable, and their mistakes can be fairly easily forgiven. Being together is exciting and satisfying.
For many couples, this experience of feeling easily understood changes at some point. Perhaps this change starts when your partner says something that makes you question whether they really understand you after all. Perhaps one of you wants more sex or intimacy than the other and that begins to throw things out of balance. Or maybe changes in your lives such as a child entering the relationship, or more demanding work schedules begin to take away your time and energy to tune in to each other.
When you reach out for connection with your partner and feel let down by their response (or lack of response), it is painful. A negative cycle begins to form. One of you reaches out, and the other inadvertently does not give the desired response. Feeling rejected or disappointed, the one who has reached out loses some faith in the relationship, responding with anger or distance. The other partner responds to the distance or anger by withdrawing more. The cycle is in motion, and it seems to have a life of its own.
Why can't we just change the painful cycle when it starts? Because when you are in the middle of this pattern, it is hard to see your part in it. Feeling hurt or defensive and stirred up by conflict makes it hard to think creatively, empathize with your partner, and take the risks that are necessary to stay close and connected.
Couples therapy is the process of slowing down the cycles that increase distance and creating enough safety for each person to take risks that lead to connection and deeper intimacy. Couples therapy can give you tools to soften conflicts and to make risk taking more successful.
One of the skills I teach to couples is how to become an expert on the internal world of your partner. Dr. John Gottman of the Gottman Institute calls this skill "Love Maps." He has researched hundreds of couples over three decades (footnote), and discovered that couples who have a deep and accurate knowledge about each other's thoughts and feelings tend to have long and satisfying relationships.
When couples are dating and falling in love, they tend to ask each other questions and learn about each other's daily lives, thoughts and dreams. This process tends to lead to a positive cycle of more and more connection and intimacy. However, many couples lose the habit of creating "Love Maps" over time. Partners can get back in the habit, and ask questions to update this knowledge regularly. Here are a few examples of the types of questions partners can ask each other to rebuild "Love Maps":
"What would you like your life to look like in five years?" "What events are coming up that you are worried about, and why?" "What's your favorite movie that you've seen in the past year?" "With whom do you currently have a conflict (besides me)?"
When you feel known and understood by your partner, the times when you reach out and don't get what you want feel less painful. When you deeply know and understand your partner, you have more access to empathy and can more easily handle the times your partner is unavailable. This is one of the many tools couples can use to break the distancing cycle and make deeper connection possible.
Annie schuessler
Many romantic relationships start out feeling fantastic. You feel seen for who you really are, and even your flaws are loved and cherished. You feel the same in return. In the beginning, your partner's flaws are endearing and loveable, and their mistakes can be fairly easily forgiven. Being together is exciting and satisfying.
For many couples, this experience of feeling easily understood changes at some point. Perhaps this change starts when your partner says something that makes you question whether they really understand you after all. Perhaps one of you wants more sex or intimacy than the other and that begins to throw things out of balance. Or maybe changes in your lives such as a child entering the relationship, or more demanding work schedules begin to take away your time and energy to tune in to each other.
When you reach out for connection with your partner and feel let down by their response (or lack of response), it is painful. A negative cycle begins to form. One of you reaches out, and the other inadvertently does not give the desired response. Feeling rejected or disappointed, the one who has reached out loses some faith in the relationship, responding with anger or distance. The other partner responds to the distance or anger by withdrawing more. The cycle is in motion, and it seems to have a life of its own.
Why can't we just change the painful cycle when it starts? Because when you are in the middle of this pattern, it is hard to see your part in it. Feeling hurt or defensive and stirred up by conflict makes it hard to think creatively, empathize with your partner, and take the risks that are necessary to stay close and connected.
Couples therapy is the process of slowing down the cycles that increase distance and creating enough safety for each person to take risks that lead to connection and deeper intimacy. Couples therapy can give you tools to soften conflicts and to make risk taking more successful.
One of the skills I teach to couples is how to become an expert on the internal world of your partner. Dr. John Gottman of the Gottman Institute calls this skill "Love Maps." He has researched hundreds of couples over three decades (footnote), and discovered that couples who have a deep and accurate knowledge about each other's thoughts and feelings tend to have long and satisfying relationships.
When couples are dating and falling in love, they tend to ask each other questions and learn about each other's daily lives, thoughts and dreams. This process tends to lead to a positive cycle of more and more connection and intimacy. However, many couples lose the habit of creating "Love Maps" over time. Partners can get back in the habit, and ask questions to update this knowledge regularly. Here are a few examples of the types of questions partners can ask each other to rebuild "Love Maps":
"What would you like your life to look like in five years?" "What events are coming up that you are worried about, and why?" "What's your favorite movie that you've seen in the past year?" "With whom do you currently have a conflict (besides me)?"
When you feel known and understood by your partner, the times when you reach out and don't get what you want feel less painful. When you deeply know and understand your partner, you have more access to empathy and can more easily handle the times your partner is unavailable. This is one of the many tools couples can use to break the distancing cycle and make deeper connection possible.
Annie schuessler
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Who is My Soul Mate?
Just about everyone on earth has asked the question "who is my soul mate" at least once. Unfortunately most people never find their true soul mate and eventually end up settling for a partner who is less than ideal!
So how can you avoid settling for less? How can you find that one true person who is just meant to be with you? Nobody said it was easy, but it is certainly not impossible and it's probably not as hard as you might think.
Here are some tips for finding that perfect someone for you.
1. You Must Know Yourself You can not find true love with anyone if you don't know and respect yourself and who you are! This is an important first step and it takes people different lengths of time to get there.
2. Safety Your soul mate should make you feel safe and vice versa. There should be no hesitation, nervousness, manipulation or intimidation.
3. Honesty You can normally tell if someone is being honest with you or not. It goes without saying that your true love will need to always be honest with you and you have to trust them. If you can't tell from day one whether or not they are being truthful, then there is a good chance they are not the one for you.
4. Familiarity It seems weird until you experience it yourself - but when you locate your soul mate you will feel as if you have known them forever. It is a strange, yet beautiful sensation.
5. Don't Give Up! The world is a very big place so the chance of your ultimate soul mate living near you is slim. Don't limit yourself, don't become discouraged and most importantly: never give up
Rosie Fisher
So how can you avoid settling for less? How can you find that one true person who is just meant to be with you? Nobody said it was easy, but it is certainly not impossible and it's probably not as hard as you might think.
Here are some tips for finding that perfect someone for you.
1. You Must Know Yourself You can not find true love with anyone if you don't know and respect yourself and who you are! This is an important first step and it takes people different lengths of time to get there.
2. Safety Your soul mate should make you feel safe and vice versa. There should be no hesitation, nervousness, manipulation or intimidation.
3. Honesty You can normally tell if someone is being honest with you or not. It goes without saying that your true love will need to always be honest with you and you have to trust them. If you can't tell from day one whether or not they are being truthful, then there is a good chance they are not the one for you.
4. Familiarity It seems weird until you experience it yourself - but when you locate your soul mate you will feel as if you have known them forever. It is a strange, yet beautiful sensation.
5. Don't Give Up! The world is a very big place so the chance of your ultimate soul mate living near you is slim. Don't limit yourself, don't become discouraged and most importantly: never give up
Rosie Fisher
What is a True Soul Mate?
Everyone has a different idea of who and what is a soul mate, but there is one thing for certain: your soul mate is the ideal person to spend your life with.
Finding true love is a journey - sometimes a long one. But when you do come across that one special person who is destined to be with you, you wonder how you lived without them for so long.
Some Important Aspects of a Soul Mate
Although everybody's experiences and expectations are different, you can't deny that there are some common aspects of a soul mate relationship. These include:
1. The ability to connect to each other without effort or hesitation.
2. Being able to totally understand each other.
3. Bringing out the best in one another by complementing each other's personality.
4. Helping each other grow through exploration, shared experiences, opinions and challenges.
Soul Mates Can Be Opposites
We all know the saying that 'opposites attract' but few people believe that true soulmates can be opposites. It all depends upon what your definition of opposite is: if it means being two totally different people with opposing beliefs and opinions then you may be right that it's unlikely to work out.
But just having different interests, views and outlooks on life can make for a highly satisfying, interesting and stimulating true love relationship.
Knowing what is a soul mate is one thing, but actually finding yours and experiencing this unique and somewhat rare occurrence is a real blessing and one that you will be eternally grateful for.
Rosie Fisher
Finding true love is a journey - sometimes a long one. But when you do come across that one special person who is destined to be with you, you wonder how you lived without them for so long.
Some Important Aspects of a Soul Mate
Although everybody's experiences and expectations are different, you can't deny that there are some common aspects of a soul mate relationship. These include:
1. The ability to connect to each other without effort or hesitation.
2. Being able to totally understand each other.
3. Bringing out the best in one another by complementing each other's personality.
4. Helping each other grow through exploration, shared experiences, opinions and challenges.
Soul Mates Can Be Opposites
We all know the saying that 'opposites attract' but few people believe that true soulmates can be opposites. It all depends upon what your definition of opposite is: if it means being two totally different people with opposing beliefs and opinions then you may be right that it's unlikely to work out.
But just having different interests, views and outlooks on life can make for a highly satisfying, interesting and stimulating true love relationship.
Knowing what is a soul mate is one thing, but actually finding yours and experiencing this unique and somewhat rare occurrence is a real blessing and one that you will be eternally grateful for.
Rosie Fisher
Love Does Indeed Change Everything
Love does indeed change everything as Andrew Lloyd Webber's musical sang out for the world to hear. That song focused, as most people do when pondering the subject of love, upon the aspects of love within a relationship. "Days are longer, words mean more", and "Love will never, never, let you be the same" are familiar lines to most of us. The pain and pleasure which can be felt within a relationship is also the subject matter of this song. At the same time, to quote from another sone we are "addicted to love".
So many people are looking for love, searching for that perfect person to make their world complete. But this search often takes a person away from the very thing which they really want. Love comes from within and until you are happy in yourself, and feel a sense of love within yourself, you will not find it elsewhere. Love is not something which comes and goes; it is rather a state of being. Love is not outside of you, it is instead deep within you. In this sense, love can never be lost, or run away from you.
If you look for love to come to you from someone else, it may help you to feel good for the time being and therefore stop you from going to the places in your mind where you really need to go. When you are in the wrong relationship for the wrong reasons there will always be a feeling of dissatisfaction, but also a fear that if you lose that relationship, that source of love, what will you be left with?
Those who are in tune with their spiritual side are more than aware that real love comes from within, and therefore it cannot be lost. To take a journey into spirituality is often a very important way in which one becomes secure in their feeling of love, and their relationship with love. Love is not a physical thing and yet you can feel its impact in a very physical sense.
If you are looking for love or a sense of completeness, the first place to look is to look within, and to discover who you really are. Only by finding out who you are will you be in a position to get to a place where you know what you want in this life. Once you are in tune with your inner self, you will emit a powerful vibration which attracts everything which is right for you into your physical reality.
Remember that every thought you have has energy. If you are unsure of your own thoughts and feelings you will not be emitting your energy at a constant frequency, and so you will be attracting listeners who come and go as you drift from one channel to another. Only when your own love and completeness is constant within you will you attract someone with a similar constancy into your life.
Roseana Leaton
So many people are looking for love, searching for that perfect person to make their world complete. But this search often takes a person away from the very thing which they really want. Love comes from within and until you are happy in yourself, and feel a sense of love within yourself, you will not find it elsewhere. Love is not something which comes and goes; it is rather a state of being. Love is not outside of you, it is instead deep within you. In this sense, love can never be lost, or run away from you.
If you look for love to come to you from someone else, it may help you to feel good for the time being and therefore stop you from going to the places in your mind where you really need to go. When you are in the wrong relationship for the wrong reasons there will always be a feeling of dissatisfaction, but also a fear that if you lose that relationship, that source of love, what will you be left with?
Those who are in tune with their spiritual side are more than aware that real love comes from within, and therefore it cannot be lost. To take a journey into spirituality is often a very important way in which one becomes secure in their feeling of love, and their relationship with love. Love is not a physical thing and yet you can feel its impact in a very physical sense.
If you are looking for love or a sense of completeness, the first place to look is to look within, and to discover who you really are. Only by finding out who you are will you be in a position to get to a place where you know what you want in this life. Once you are in tune with your inner self, you will emit a powerful vibration which attracts everything which is right for you into your physical reality.
Remember that every thought you have has energy. If you are unsure of your own thoughts and feelings you will not be emitting your energy at a constant frequency, and so you will be attracting listeners who come and go as you drift from one channel to another. Only when your own love and completeness is constant within you will you attract someone with a similar constancy into your life.
Roseana Leaton
True Love - What is Love to You?
People attached different meaning to the word "love". The major reason behind this is that there are different kinds of love that can unite one human being to another. There is love between parents and children. There is love between siblings. There is love between friends. There is love made of caring and affection but devoid of sexual feelings. And there is the kind of love we call romantic love.
Nathaniel Branden says that love is the experience of joy in the existence of loved object, joy in proximity, and joy in interaction or involvement. This love's definition is good, however, love is not just a feeling of the heart, a decision of the mind or a behavioural response; it involves all three modes of expression. Love is the emotional response to that which we value highly and to love another human being is to know and be known by them. Love is also attitudes about oneself and others, a decision to commit oneself to the loved one.
Love consist the following feelings: - Warm enjoyment, - Companionship, - Highly sexualise, - Admiration, - Respect and caring.
Myth of Love - irrational beliefs about love.
There are problems nowadays with the word "love". "Love" has become one of the most misused and misunderstood word in our language. The irrational beliefs about love now prevent us from coming to an adequate understanding of what genuine love really is. Many young people, especially young woman think that relationships work in reality like they do in romance novels and movies. They think that a relationship comes easily with plenty of romance and happy endings.
Therefore majority of our women are being led astray when love is viewed as a delightful passion and priceless emotional gift. There, you will see man and woman who are not only emotional involved but also sexually attracted to each other without true love. And before you know it they get married without genuine love in them.
Below are the areas where love is being sabotaged by our myths. - Love is blind when a person falls in love by simply accepts the other person without any conscious awareness of the weaknesses, differences, or short comings. A lover who sacrificed his two eyes... is best example. - Love is external when love is beyond our control. A lady that was raped and eventually turned into pregnant woman has to accept the fate. Being in love does not require a decision on her part, because love just hits her unexpectedly; it is her destiny!
For a perfect relationship to be achieved at home there should be these Three Components of Love - intimacy, passion, and commitment.
Intimacy refers to the feelings of closeness, connectedness and bonding that you may experience in a love relationship. If truly you are in good term with others you must desire to promote the welfare of the people around you primarily your spouse. You can only relate to a person when he or she is in the good mood. Make people by meeting their needs. Ensure to make your spouse happy at every time. Listening build trust, therefore, ready to listen to any complaint brought by your spouse and give emotional support as required from you. This brings you honor having high regard for him or her, because you have already built high quality relationships with them.
You will also agree with me that having intimate communication with the loved one helps most of the time. Imagine a married man working like a clock without stop and create less attention on his family affairs. How will he has intimacy with his wife at home? As it is in a man so will have in a woman. A woman that is found in the habit of going to several ceremonies here and there will have no time to discuss with her husband at home.
Gbenga samuel
Nathaniel Branden says that love is the experience of joy in the existence of loved object, joy in proximity, and joy in interaction or involvement. This love's definition is good, however, love is not just a feeling of the heart, a decision of the mind or a behavioural response; it involves all three modes of expression. Love is the emotional response to that which we value highly and to love another human being is to know and be known by them. Love is also attitudes about oneself and others, a decision to commit oneself to the loved one.
Love consist the following feelings: - Warm enjoyment, - Companionship, - Highly sexualise, - Admiration, - Respect and caring.
Myth of Love - irrational beliefs about love.
There are problems nowadays with the word "love". "Love" has become one of the most misused and misunderstood word in our language. The irrational beliefs about love now prevent us from coming to an adequate understanding of what genuine love really is. Many young people, especially young woman think that relationships work in reality like they do in romance novels and movies. They think that a relationship comes easily with plenty of romance and happy endings.
Therefore majority of our women are being led astray when love is viewed as a delightful passion and priceless emotional gift. There, you will see man and woman who are not only emotional involved but also sexually attracted to each other without true love. And before you know it they get married without genuine love in them.
Below are the areas where love is being sabotaged by our myths. - Love is blind when a person falls in love by simply accepts the other person without any conscious awareness of the weaknesses, differences, or short comings. A lover who sacrificed his two eyes... is best example. - Love is external when love is beyond our control. A lady that was raped and eventually turned into pregnant woman has to accept the fate. Being in love does not require a decision on her part, because love just hits her unexpectedly; it is her destiny!
For a perfect relationship to be achieved at home there should be these Three Components of Love - intimacy, passion, and commitment.
Intimacy refers to the feelings of closeness, connectedness and bonding that you may experience in a love relationship. If truly you are in good term with others you must desire to promote the welfare of the people around you primarily your spouse. You can only relate to a person when he or she is in the good mood. Make people by meeting their needs. Ensure to make your spouse happy at every time. Listening build trust, therefore, ready to listen to any complaint brought by your spouse and give emotional support as required from you. This brings you honor having high regard for him or her, because you have already built high quality relationships with them.
You will also agree with me that having intimate communication with the loved one helps most of the time. Imagine a married man working like a clock without stop and create less attention on his family affairs. How will he has intimacy with his wife at home? As it is in a man so will have in a woman. A woman that is found in the habit of going to several ceremonies here and there will have no time to discuss with her husband at home.
Gbenga samuel
Monday, August 10, 2009
Coping With Infidelity - What Happens After the Initial Shock
Coping with infidelity is not a term that flows easily in most people's mouth. As a matter of fact, the dreadful word "infidelity" is not a word most people want to be associated with; it's painful and always carries with it a connotation of betrayal. For married people, infidelity can be fairly described as the Grinch that stole the marriage -- because most marriages do not survive infidelity.
There are several reasons why people cheat in their relationships. The reasons ranges from feeling lonely or unwanted, to falling out of love and favor with their spouses. Even lack of will power and the ability to say no to temptations, can sometimes be attributable to some infidelity. When the dust settles, regardless of who and why the affair happened, the biggest huddle of them all to overcome is, coping with infidelity.
So, after the initial shock, the agonizing pain, the feeling of betrayal, and the fear that your marriage may not survive the cheating - yes after all that; how do you start to cope with infidelity and the uncertainty that surrounds it? Before you can move forward in any direction either to save the marriage or end it, it's always a good idea to do some of the following:
1. Take stock of the past: Most extramarital affairs don't happen in a vacuum, there are always reasons why people cheat. So did you in any way, directly or indirectly contributed the infidelity? If you did, what would you do differently next time? It's always easy to forgive people of their wrong doings if we somehow contributed to it, so taking stocks of the past will help determine to what directions the marriage should go.
2. Sleep on it, don't make rash decisions: Most decisions made at the heat of the moment are never always the right ones, so don't make any decision about the marriage at the time you are overwhelmed with anger and confusion. The affair may be devastating; but ending your marriage in haste may be even more dangerous. Yes you're hurt, but saving your marriage may turn out to be the best thing that came out of the cheating. Coping with infidelity not only require patience, but cool heads to think things through - so sleep on it.
3. Getaway from each other if need be: If you can't stand the sight of one another, get away until things cool down. Don't start looking for answers and solutions when you're angry, it could make matters worse.
4. Talk it over: Now that the cooling period has past, it's time to talk, to get to the bottom of it all. Talk to your spouse one on one if possible. If you can't talk to each other, may be third party intervention is what you need. Talk to a friend that both of your trust, or seek counseling. This may also be the best time to find out what actually happened and why it did - and how to make sure it does not happen again.
5. Two wrongs don't make a right: Avoid pay back while trying to cope with infidelity. Trying to cheat on your spouse because he or she had an affair is not the best way to deal with infidelity. Exacerbating the problem with reciprocal cheating will make the matter worse, don't do it.
6. Don't let your family carry your touch: Often times when couples have problems in their marriage whoever feels victimized will tell his or her family about the dispute as a way of comforting themselves. This may be okay with most spousal problems, but infidelity is a little trickier. Unless you have reached a decision to end the marriage, it will be unwise to let your family in on the secret. Remember that if you marriage survives, your spouse will be your spouse, and you would want him or her to get along with your family; and to be respected also - so don't let your family know him or her as a cheater, unless it's absolutely necessary that they must know.
Coping with infidelity is not one size fits all proposition, it varies from situation to situation, and from individuals to individuals. Whatever side of the hat one wears, the one thing that cannot be disputed is that the agony, betrayal and feeling of inadequacy never completely goes away, even after the divorce or after the marriage is saved and everything seems normal. Infidelity is an evil neighbor that most people would like to keep at bare from their relationships or marriages, so try not to invite him in; in your relationship.
P.S, Enhance your relationship and sex life: learn how to ask delicate but romantic questions that will ignite the spark and set the right mood in your relationship any time
Emeka Ezidiegwu
There are several reasons why people cheat in their relationships. The reasons ranges from feeling lonely or unwanted, to falling out of love and favor with their spouses. Even lack of will power and the ability to say no to temptations, can sometimes be attributable to some infidelity. When the dust settles, regardless of who and why the affair happened, the biggest huddle of them all to overcome is, coping with infidelity.
So, after the initial shock, the agonizing pain, the feeling of betrayal, and the fear that your marriage may not survive the cheating - yes after all that; how do you start to cope with infidelity and the uncertainty that surrounds it? Before you can move forward in any direction either to save the marriage or end it, it's always a good idea to do some of the following:
1. Take stock of the past: Most extramarital affairs don't happen in a vacuum, there are always reasons why people cheat. So did you in any way, directly or indirectly contributed the infidelity? If you did, what would you do differently next time? It's always easy to forgive people of their wrong doings if we somehow contributed to it, so taking stocks of the past will help determine to what directions the marriage should go.
2. Sleep on it, don't make rash decisions: Most decisions made at the heat of the moment are never always the right ones, so don't make any decision about the marriage at the time you are overwhelmed with anger and confusion. The affair may be devastating; but ending your marriage in haste may be even more dangerous. Yes you're hurt, but saving your marriage may turn out to be the best thing that came out of the cheating. Coping with infidelity not only require patience, but cool heads to think things through - so sleep on it.
3. Getaway from each other if need be: If you can't stand the sight of one another, get away until things cool down. Don't start looking for answers and solutions when you're angry, it could make matters worse.
4. Talk it over: Now that the cooling period has past, it's time to talk, to get to the bottom of it all. Talk to your spouse one on one if possible. If you can't talk to each other, may be third party intervention is what you need. Talk to a friend that both of your trust, or seek counseling. This may also be the best time to find out what actually happened and why it did - and how to make sure it does not happen again.
5. Two wrongs don't make a right: Avoid pay back while trying to cope with infidelity. Trying to cheat on your spouse because he or she had an affair is not the best way to deal with infidelity. Exacerbating the problem with reciprocal cheating will make the matter worse, don't do it.
6. Don't let your family carry your touch: Often times when couples have problems in their marriage whoever feels victimized will tell his or her family about the dispute as a way of comforting themselves. This may be okay with most spousal problems, but infidelity is a little trickier. Unless you have reached a decision to end the marriage, it will be unwise to let your family in on the secret. Remember that if you marriage survives, your spouse will be your spouse, and you would want him or her to get along with your family; and to be respected also - so don't let your family know him or her as a cheater, unless it's absolutely necessary that they must know.
Coping with infidelity is not one size fits all proposition, it varies from situation to situation, and from individuals to individuals. Whatever side of the hat one wears, the one thing that cannot be disputed is that the agony, betrayal and feeling of inadequacy never completely goes away, even after the divorce or after the marriage is saved and everything seems normal. Infidelity is an evil neighbor that most people would like to keep at bare from their relationships or marriages, so try not to invite him in; in your relationship.
P.S, Enhance your relationship and sex life: learn how to ask delicate but romantic questions that will ignite the spark and set the right mood in your relationship any time
Emeka Ezidiegwu
Saving Your Marriage After Cheating
Saving your marriage after infidelity is possible. When this unfortunate event happens, do know that it will take a special effort in saving your marriage after cheating.
Infidelity is one of the biggest betrayals that a marriage can go through. Breaking the bonds of a lifelong commitment is difficult to overcome. Whether the infidelity is physical or emotional, the fact remains that one of the partners in the marriage wandered away from the marriage itself.
Physical infidelity is the more obvious breach of trust to many. Emotional infidelity is becoming more popular with new technology such as cell phone texting and e-mail. There is something that went awry that made either type of infidelity happen in the first place; and either type of infidelity is a choice.
Getting together and bonding with people we shouldn't be bonding with is easier to do at the workplace-and easier to do on the sly with the modern gadgets we possess. While this may not be the cause of infidelity, it is an important factor that we face today.
If you want to save your marriage after cheating, you have to realize that any of the above excuses and opportunities are not reasons. Using excuses won't change a marriage or solve the problems within it. Getting to the bottom of what is broken in the relationship will be the best place to start, however.
Blaming the person who cheated is usually done out of hurt and frustration, but the blaming will have to end if you have the desire in saving your marriage after cheating. Reestablishing trust is a long hard road, but it will need to be done nonetheless.
Chris Andrews
Infidelity is one of the biggest betrayals that a marriage can go through. Breaking the bonds of a lifelong commitment is difficult to overcome. Whether the infidelity is physical or emotional, the fact remains that one of the partners in the marriage wandered away from the marriage itself.
Physical infidelity is the more obvious breach of trust to many. Emotional infidelity is becoming more popular with new technology such as cell phone texting and e-mail. There is something that went awry that made either type of infidelity happen in the first place; and either type of infidelity is a choice.
Getting together and bonding with people we shouldn't be bonding with is easier to do at the workplace-and easier to do on the sly with the modern gadgets we possess. While this may not be the cause of infidelity, it is an important factor that we face today.
If you want to save your marriage after cheating, you have to realize that any of the above excuses and opportunities are not reasons. Using excuses won't change a marriage or solve the problems within it. Getting to the bottom of what is broken in the relationship will be the best place to start, however.
Blaming the person who cheated is usually done out of hurt and frustration, but the blaming will have to end if you have the desire in saving your marriage after cheating. Reestablishing trust is a long hard road, but it will need to be done nonetheless.
Chris Andrews
Why Men Have Affairs
When it comes to the battle of the sexes, generally we all know that men have a more lustful sexual desire compared to women. Being persuasive and seductive is in their nature. Men will generally make the first move on the women. Few men need a reason; most of them just need an opportunity.
The most common reason why men have affairs is the lustful sex drive they have on women. Sexual attraction contributes too many of the reasons that men have affairs. Not with just a woman, but with numerous women. It's like they enjoy trying out new things, and like little boys with a new toy, once they got bored, they threw it away and look for a new one.
Another point that contributes to men having affairs is their very own wife. Remember the times when you we're dating the man of your dreams, how you would flaunt yourself, keep your body in shape, dressed up and get all pretty for them, Why because you know, these are the first impressions that most men look for. Your facial appearance and how you dress yourself. After you are married, after your first newborn child, many of us do tend to slack off from keeping ourselves fit and looking good.
Being a man, they're constantly attracted to beauty. Beauty is something that turns their head around, twice. Generally, first impressions make the most impact on a person's judgment. When it comes to physical attraction, showing off and utilizing your assets attracts men. Of course there are many kinds of beauties, but the most men look for is physical. In other words, men like hot, intelligent, sexy and attractive women.
A major breakdown in their marriage, through mis-communications, break of trust, always arguing over the same things, and even financial matters are key reason for the breakdown of many marriages. When both parties are against each other, they will want to look for someone who agrees with them. Then when one or the other finds someone who they thinks is more compatible with them compared to his/her current mate, surely an affair will begin to build with that person, going all the way down infidelity lane, to the end of your marriage.
Beverly Brown
The most common reason why men have affairs is the lustful sex drive they have on women. Sexual attraction contributes too many of the reasons that men have affairs. Not with just a woman, but with numerous women. It's like they enjoy trying out new things, and like little boys with a new toy, once they got bored, they threw it away and look for a new one.
Another point that contributes to men having affairs is their very own wife. Remember the times when you we're dating the man of your dreams, how you would flaunt yourself, keep your body in shape, dressed up and get all pretty for them, Why because you know, these are the first impressions that most men look for. Your facial appearance and how you dress yourself. After you are married, after your first newborn child, many of us do tend to slack off from keeping ourselves fit and looking good.
Being a man, they're constantly attracted to beauty. Beauty is something that turns their head around, twice. Generally, first impressions make the most impact on a person's judgment. When it comes to physical attraction, showing off and utilizing your assets attracts men. Of course there are many kinds of beauties, but the most men look for is physical. In other words, men like hot, intelligent, sexy and attractive women.
A major breakdown in their marriage, through mis-communications, break of trust, always arguing over the same things, and even financial matters are key reason for the breakdown of many marriages. When both parties are against each other, they will want to look for someone who agrees with them. Then when one or the other finds someone who they thinks is more compatible with them compared to his/her current mate, surely an affair will begin to build with that person, going all the way down infidelity lane, to the end of your marriage.
Beverly Brown
Why Do Married Women Cheat? 5 Deadly Signs of Infidelity
Cheating will always be viewed as something vile and deadly - it's the most unforgivable mistake you can do in a relationship. But then again, why do married women cheat? Why do they still take the road to infidelity when they're already with the man they love? Of course, there are always reasons behind everything. It's more than just temptation or the urge to have an affair with another - sometimes, the reasons are deeper and much greater than that. Find out the top reasons why married women cheat on their husbands and discover how to save your relationship --- soon!
Insecurity in their relationship. Most married women who cheat may be feeling disappointed or frustrated with the way their relationship with their husbands go. Marriage doesn't guarantee happiness and most often than not this is when women start to feel more vulnerable to insecurity and frustration --- sometimes their plans never happen and they are often disillusioned when issues and problems arise --- that's why they seek to be comforted by somebody else.
Boredom and routine. They may feel they are not going anywhere in their married life (yes, even women with kids) and they may feel all too helpless doing the same old routine over and over again. They would eventually need to seek for new adventures, new hobbies and meet new people --- thus, may result to infidelity.
Too much stress and pressure. There will come a time that their husbands would try to expect too much from them or make them do things they don't want to --- the stress and pressure may be too much that they start to become distant and would seek comfort somewhere else. When a woman is asked of something that is beyond what she can give, she will start to cope with it in any means possible --- even through cheating.
Lack of sexual satisfaction. It's true that lots of married women may start to feel unloved in marriage --- and that would result to lack of drive for sex and even lack of sexual satisfaction. Sometimes, their husbands may always be too tired from work, taking care of the bills and the kids that they may forget to engage into a little physical intimacy with their wives --- they will surely seek for it from somebody else.
Looking for new thrills in life. Boredom can make us do evil things. Too much familiarity can be dangerous and some married women (who are usually aggressive and active during their younger years) would tend to regress and find new thrills and excitement in their lives --- leading to cheating. As a husband, better know how to keep the romance alive --- to keep your marriage and your wife in love with you all throughout
Shaun Michael
Insecurity in their relationship. Most married women who cheat may be feeling disappointed or frustrated with the way their relationship with their husbands go. Marriage doesn't guarantee happiness and most often than not this is when women start to feel more vulnerable to insecurity and frustration --- sometimes their plans never happen and they are often disillusioned when issues and problems arise --- that's why they seek to be comforted by somebody else.
Boredom and routine. They may feel they are not going anywhere in their married life (yes, even women with kids) and they may feel all too helpless doing the same old routine over and over again. They would eventually need to seek for new adventures, new hobbies and meet new people --- thus, may result to infidelity.
Too much stress and pressure. There will come a time that their husbands would try to expect too much from them or make them do things they don't want to --- the stress and pressure may be too much that they start to become distant and would seek comfort somewhere else. When a woman is asked of something that is beyond what she can give, she will start to cope with it in any means possible --- even through cheating.
Lack of sexual satisfaction. It's true that lots of married women may start to feel unloved in marriage --- and that would result to lack of drive for sex and even lack of sexual satisfaction. Sometimes, their husbands may always be too tired from work, taking care of the bills and the kids that they may forget to engage into a little physical intimacy with their wives --- they will surely seek for it from somebody else.
Looking for new thrills in life. Boredom can make us do evil things. Too much familiarity can be dangerous and some married women (who are usually aggressive and active during their younger years) would tend to regress and find new thrills and excitement in their lives --- leading to cheating. As a husband, better know how to keep the romance alive --- to keep your marriage and your wife in love with you all throughout
Shaun Michael
Five Ways to Move on From an Affair
Affairs can be very difficult for everyone involved. For years you may have built a trusting relationship with your partner. However, in just one action, the trust has been completely broken and things won't ever be the same. So let's look at ways to try and move past an affair.
First off, try and control the amount of time you think of the affair. There are times you should think about what happened, and there are times you shouldn't. If you are feeling really depressed about it and you want to talk to a friend about what happened, then go for it! It is good to talk about the affair and let your feelings out to your family and friends. However, you don't want to do this too much. If you keep thinking about the affair, it's going to really affect your mood. Try and understand that it's ok to feel the way you do, and specifically make time to discuss how you feel with family and friends. But don't let the thoughts and emotion control you.
Try changing your surroundings. If your partner just had an affair, don't leave all the pictures up you have of them. Get rid of (or hide) anything that reminds you of that person. You don't need the constant reminders. You need to be able to walk around your home without being reminded of what happened.
Have a night out with your friends! If you don't have a lot of money, choose to do something that is not too expensive. A simple night of bowling with your friends can be a lot of fun. When you are having fun with your friends, it is time you spend forgetting about what happened. Don't stay inside the house night after night! It won't help, believe me.
Try and look at any positives at all that you can find from the relationship. For instance, what have you learned? Surely in the entire relationship there must have been something you learned. So what all did you learn? What are some ways the relationship may have helped you? Did you get over certain fears thanks to your partner? Did you become more confident? Etc. Write down the good things from the relationship. Just because it ended badly doesn't mean you can't take anything from it to help in future relationships. Remember, it's only a mistake if you don't learn from it.
Finally, although you may be past this step, but if the partner wants to try and make the relationship work, think about it. Now, I'm not saying you should forgive them. But this is something you need to figure out on your own. Can you honestly truly ever forgive your partner for doing this to you? Do you feel the relationship can truly ever work again? Or are you just too angry at them that you can't ever forgive them? Figure this out in your mind and make a decision. If you want to move on, then start applying some of these tips. If you want to make it work however and you are married, then consider marriage counseling.
Good luck!
Justin Robins
First off, try and control the amount of time you think of the affair. There are times you should think about what happened, and there are times you shouldn't. If you are feeling really depressed about it and you want to talk to a friend about what happened, then go for it! It is good to talk about the affair and let your feelings out to your family and friends. However, you don't want to do this too much. If you keep thinking about the affair, it's going to really affect your mood. Try and understand that it's ok to feel the way you do, and specifically make time to discuss how you feel with family and friends. But don't let the thoughts and emotion control you.
Try changing your surroundings. If your partner just had an affair, don't leave all the pictures up you have of them. Get rid of (or hide) anything that reminds you of that person. You don't need the constant reminders. You need to be able to walk around your home without being reminded of what happened.
Have a night out with your friends! If you don't have a lot of money, choose to do something that is not too expensive. A simple night of bowling with your friends can be a lot of fun. When you are having fun with your friends, it is time you spend forgetting about what happened. Don't stay inside the house night after night! It won't help, believe me.
Try and look at any positives at all that you can find from the relationship. For instance, what have you learned? Surely in the entire relationship there must have been something you learned. So what all did you learn? What are some ways the relationship may have helped you? Did you get over certain fears thanks to your partner? Did you become more confident? Etc. Write down the good things from the relationship. Just because it ended badly doesn't mean you can't take anything from it to help in future relationships. Remember, it's only a mistake if you don't learn from it.
Finally, although you may be past this step, but if the partner wants to try and make the relationship work, think about it. Now, I'm not saying you should forgive them. But this is something you need to figure out on your own. Can you honestly truly ever forgive your partner for doing this to you? Do you feel the relationship can truly ever work again? Or are you just too angry at them that you can't ever forgive them? Figure this out in your mind and make a decision. If you want to move on, then start applying some of these tips. If you want to make it work however and you are married, then consider marriage counseling.
Good luck!
Justin Robins
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Top Three Sweetest Things to Say to Your Girlfriend - How to Be Romantic and Lovable to Your Girl
"I love you" will always rank first when it comes to the sweetest thing to say to your girlfriend. However, you don't want to worn that out. I mean, it's okay to tell your girl you love every single day but there are other sweetest things to say to your girlfriend that will definitely leave her blushing and inspired all day long. If you're on a mission to find out how to be a great boyfriend, now's the best time to start:
You make my life complete. Every girlfriend would love to know that they inspire you everyday. Let her know how much you appreciate her being a part of your life and always make it a point to think of ways on how to make your girlfriend happy. Being in love is phenomenal. Enjoy it.
I fall in love with you everyday. When you're in love, you never get tired of showing it. By saying this to your girlfriend, not only are you being a sweet and romantic boyfriend --- you're also giving her ample reason to fall in love with you everyday as well.
Making you happy makes me happy. When our girlfriend is having a bad day, it definitely affects our mood too. Saying this to your girlfriend will make her realize that you value her too much and there's absolutely no reason for her to feel lonely everyday
Mark Hamilton
You make my life complete. Every girlfriend would love to know that they inspire you everyday. Let her know how much you appreciate her being a part of your life and always make it a point to think of ways on how to make your girlfriend happy. Being in love is phenomenal. Enjoy it.
I fall in love with you everyday. When you're in love, you never get tired of showing it. By saying this to your girlfriend, not only are you being a sweet and romantic boyfriend --- you're also giving her ample reason to fall in love with you everyday as well.
Making you happy makes me happy. When our girlfriend is having a bad day, it definitely affects our mood too. Saying this to your girlfriend will make her realize that you value her too much and there's absolutely no reason for her to feel lonely everyday
Mark Hamilton
How to Tell a Guy You Love Him - 8 Ways You Can Follow
One truth about love is you can never make someone love you the way you want them to. However, you can't help but wonder how to tell a guy you love him. You don't want to send him away or sound too clingy and desperate by saying those three magic words. You can follow eight ways so that you can tell him how you feel.
1 - Right place, right time.
High yielding results come when you thoroughly think about a plan. Choose an appropriate time as well as appropriate place where you will tell him. Nothing will beat careful planning if you want to execute the proper ways on how to tell a guy you love him.
2 - Romance
Spark up the romantic side in you by inviting him for dinner with candlelight and sweet music. Choose your attire for the evening that you know he likes.
3 - More than words
It is important that before you tell him the magic words, you must learn how to do it. Show it to him by complimenting him and tell him how much you value your relationship with him.
4 - Consider his personality
Before giving him an all-out romance, consider if he is they type who is comfortable with it. You don't want to scare him off, do you?
5 - Don't be pushy
It is perfectly alright for you to tell him how you feel but don't force him or demand that he say it back. It would totally defeat the purpose of the words "I love you."
6 - Direct or indirect
If you prefer to say it flat-out and direct, it should be fine and better. However, if you really can't bring yourself to blurt the words out, you may want to do it indirectly by pointing out the things you love about him.
7 - No alcohol
While alcohol gives you boost on your courage, saying the words while under its influence is like telling him something you really don't mean.
8 - Expect the worst
As what have previously been mentioned, you can't expect him to say the words back but the worst that could happen is when he doesn't feel the way that you do.
How to tell a guy you love him will always depend in you. Always keep in mind that the outcome of the whole situation will always depend in him
Sarah nichols Smith
1 - Right place, right time.
High yielding results come when you thoroughly think about a plan. Choose an appropriate time as well as appropriate place where you will tell him. Nothing will beat careful planning if you want to execute the proper ways on how to tell a guy you love him.
2 - Romance
Spark up the romantic side in you by inviting him for dinner with candlelight and sweet music. Choose your attire for the evening that you know he likes.
3 - More than words
It is important that before you tell him the magic words, you must learn how to do it. Show it to him by complimenting him and tell him how much you value your relationship with him.
4 - Consider his personality
Before giving him an all-out romance, consider if he is they type who is comfortable with it. You don't want to scare him off, do you?
5 - Don't be pushy
It is perfectly alright for you to tell him how you feel but don't force him or demand that he say it back. It would totally defeat the purpose of the words "I love you."
6 - Direct or indirect
If you prefer to say it flat-out and direct, it should be fine and better. However, if you really can't bring yourself to blurt the words out, you may want to do it indirectly by pointing out the things you love about him.
7 - No alcohol
While alcohol gives you boost on your courage, saying the words while under its influence is like telling him something you really don't mean.
8 - Expect the worst
As what have previously been mentioned, you can't expect him to say the words back but the worst that could happen is when he doesn't feel the way that you do.
How to tell a guy you love him will always depend in you. Always keep in mind that the outcome of the whole situation will always depend in him
Sarah nichols Smith
Earn His Love by Being His Best Friend
Once you have met the guy that you think might be the one, you will want to know how to earn his love. But can you really do that, or is it all up to fate? While it is true that you cannot force someone who is not meant to love you into caring about you, you can urge the right guy into falling even faster. Here is how to earn his love...
Too many women get so hung up on worrying about their physical appearance that they actually come off as even less attractive to men. For instance, women who pile on too much make-up or dress in ways that are not appropriate are not usually taken very seriously by men.
This is because despite the fact that men can be incredibly shallow when it comes to looking at girls, they only want to be serious with girls who have more to offer than just great looks.
Men want to be with women who are their friends as well as their lovers. If you want to earn his love and make him yours, be his best friend. A best friend is someone that you could picture yourself doing almost anything with because you get along so well and really complement each other.
So go out with him and take part in his hobbies and show interest in the things that interest him. So what if you never pictured yourself as the type of girl who enjoys foreign films? If they are something that he loves, go see one with him. You may enjoy it more than you ever thought that you would and you will earn his love when he sees that you are willing to try new things just for him.
Tina Jones
Too many women get so hung up on worrying about their physical appearance that they actually come off as even less attractive to men. For instance, women who pile on too much make-up or dress in ways that are not appropriate are not usually taken very seriously by men.
This is because despite the fact that men can be incredibly shallow when it comes to looking at girls, they only want to be serious with girls who have more to offer than just great looks.
Men want to be with women who are their friends as well as their lovers. If you want to earn his love and make him yours, be his best friend. A best friend is someone that you could picture yourself doing almost anything with because you get along so well and really complement each other.
So go out with him and take part in his hobbies and show interest in the things that interest him. So what if you never pictured yourself as the type of girl who enjoys foreign films? If they are something that he loves, go see one with him. You may enjoy it more than you ever thought that you would and you will earn his love when he sees that you are willing to try new things just for him.
Tina Jones
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
How to Make a Woman Orgasm - 7 Hot Tips to Give Her Wild Orgasms That Shake Mountains!
Although making a woman orgasm is not exactly rocket science, it can still be a little tricky. The truth is that about 50% of women admit to having to fake an orgasm at some point of their lives. If you want to make sure that you can fully satisfy a woman, then you need to read these 7 hot tips:
1.Create a sensual environment: you can set the mood by putting on some romantic music and lighting some candles.
2.Foreplay: for a woman this is probably the most important part of sex. You need to take your time and not rush things. If you fail to arouse her, the sexual act will be painful and unpleasant because her vagina will be completely dry. Do everything you need to do in order to make her wet and prepare her for penetration: kiss her everywhere like on her lips, neck and breasts to stimulate her erogenous zones.
3.Dirty talk: talking dirty doesn't have to be difficult. Just say what you want to do to her and watch her adrenaline go through the roof.
4.Slow down: usually it takes women more than 15 minutes to climax so you need to take your time. Premature ejaculation can be very frustrating for girls so make sure you have lasting power in bed.
5.Find her G-spot: if you manage to locate her g-spot then your work is almost done. In general it's located 2-3 inches into the vagina along the top of the wall. Just lubricate your fingers and press them on the front wall, moving them back and fourth. There is no easier way to give your partner mind blowing orgasms.
6.Concentrate on her clitoris: most men try to give girls only vaginal stimulation, but the clitoris is much more important. Prefer sexual positions that can arouse this part of her body, like when the girl is on top.
7.Give her oral pleasure: going down on her can drive her crazy and you will give her an earth-shattering clitoral orgasm!
JU. M Dalton
1.Create a sensual environment: you can set the mood by putting on some romantic music and lighting some candles.
2.Foreplay: for a woman this is probably the most important part of sex. You need to take your time and not rush things. If you fail to arouse her, the sexual act will be painful and unpleasant because her vagina will be completely dry. Do everything you need to do in order to make her wet and prepare her for penetration: kiss her everywhere like on her lips, neck and breasts to stimulate her erogenous zones.
3.Dirty talk: talking dirty doesn't have to be difficult. Just say what you want to do to her and watch her adrenaline go through the roof.
4.Slow down: usually it takes women more than 15 minutes to climax so you need to take your time. Premature ejaculation can be very frustrating for girls so make sure you have lasting power in bed.
5.Find her G-spot: if you manage to locate her g-spot then your work is almost done. In general it's located 2-3 inches into the vagina along the top of the wall. Just lubricate your fingers and press them on the front wall, moving them back and fourth. There is no easier way to give your partner mind blowing orgasms.
6.Concentrate on her clitoris: most men try to give girls only vaginal stimulation, but the clitoris is much more important. Prefer sexual positions that can arouse this part of her body, like when the girl is on top.
7.Give her oral pleasure: going down on her can drive her crazy and you will give her an earth-shattering clitoral orgasm!
JU. M Dalton
How to Make Your Girl Orgasm - Try These Only If You're Ready to Make Her Climax on Demand!
Don't be the dud that all women want to avoid. Instead become the sex stud that will have women clamoring for your attention. How? By learning the right moves that will make her squirm with anticipation on bed. These 2 time-tested tricks are a great way to up your game a notch and blast her into orgasmic delight, and with little effort.
#1 - Supercharge her emotions! Let's face it. Women are biologically wired differently from us. To truly get her aroused for intercourse, you need to titillate her senses and connect with her on an emotional level. She MUST feel close to you emotionally before you even take a crack at turning her on at a physical level. You can get her started with some dirty dialog under the sheets. Most women love a steamy conversation, so why have a go at it? At the same time, tell her how desirable and sexy she is, and how you love to hold her close to your body (you get the drift...). Simple talk like this can get her emotionally-charged and fire up her passions quickly.
#2 - The pleasures of the mouth! Oral sex is not just a means of foreplay to lovemaking. It is necessary prelude to GREAT sex. Did you know that many women in their gossip circles, reveal that they love oral sex more than the actual intercourse? That's true. This simple act of intimacy can bring most women to an orgasm easily, without even engaging in intercourse. So learn up a trick or two to giving her great oral service and bring her around in a hurry!
Evan Kinney
#1 - Supercharge her emotions! Let's face it. Women are biologically wired differently from us. To truly get her aroused for intercourse, you need to titillate her senses and connect with her on an emotional level. She MUST feel close to you emotionally before you even take a crack at turning her on at a physical level. You can get her started with some dirty dialog under the sheets. Most women love a steamy conversation, so why have a go at it? At the same time, tell her how desirable and sexy she is, and how you love to hold her close to your body (you get the drift...). Simple talk like this can get her emotionally-charged and fire up her passions quickly.
#2 - The pleasures of the mouth! Oral sex is not just a means of foreplay to lovemaking. It is necessary prelude to GREAT sex. Did you know that many women in their gossip circles, reveal that they love oral sex more than the actual intercourse? That's true. This simple act of intimacy can bring most women to an orgasm easily, without even engaging in intercourse. So learn up a trick or two to giving her great oral service and bring her around in a hurry!
Evan Kinney
How to Control Your Ejaculation to Last Longer in Bed
Do you notice that when you are becoming highly aroused, a few drops of clear fluid may trickle out of your penis? This fluid actually comes from the prostate and other glands, such as the Cowper's glands, which produces an alkaline fluid used to lubricate the urethra and pave the way for the sperm.
This fluid is perfectly natural, if you are wondering, and it signals the approach of contractile phase orgasm. It may also contain a number of sperm in it. Therefore, you may want to make sure that you continue to use birth control even if you don't ejaculate in your partner.
If you plan not to ejaculate, the semen will be broken down and reabsorbed by the body, just as the sperm are reabsorbed in a man who has had a vasectomy. With a vasectomy, the cum is cut just above the testicles and the sperm have nowhere to go. Although the sperm are eventually reabsorbed, many men complain about the feelings of "congestion" in the testicles and pelvis.
There is one other thing that can happen to your semen besides being ejaculated or reabsorbed by your body, it happens when you experience an orgasm without ejaculating but you lose your erection. If losing your erection is not due to a decrease in your arousal, you probably have experienced a retrograde or backward ejaculation. When this occurs, the semen will go into your bladder and passes out harmlessly when you urinate.
However, holding your ejaculation is not easy for any average Joe, you need years of practice in order for your sexual muscles (not just limited to your penis) to be strong enough to hold the ejaculation. On top of that, you will also need massive amount of your concentration, making the whole love-making session a bit of a chore.
Fortunately, there are other ways to hold your ejaculation and satisfy both you, and your partner. That is to take herbal supplements. Herbal supplements are both safe and effective, making you stay longer and harder in the "game" that will allow you to enjoy the process even more.
Dr Alex Chan
This fluid is perfectly natural, if you are wondering, and it signals the approach of contractile phase orgasm. It may also contain a number of sperm in it. Therefore, you may want to make sure that you continue to use birth control even if you don't ejaculate in your partner.
If you plan not to ejaculate, the semen will be broken down and reabsorbed by the body, just as the sperm are reabsorbed in a man who has had a vasectomy. With a vasectomy, the cum is cut just above the testicles and the sperm have nowhere to go. Although the sperm are eventually reabsorbed, many men complain about the feelings of "congestion" in the testicles and pelvis.
There is one other thing that can happen to your semen besides being ejaculated or reabsorbed by your body, it happens when you experience an orgasm without ejaculating but you lose your erection. If losing your erection is not due to a decrease in your arousal, you probably have experienced a retrograde or backward ejaculation. When this occurs, the semen will go into your bladder and passes out harmlessly when you urinate.
However, holding your ejaculation is not easy for any average Joe, you need years of practice in order for your sexual muscles (not just limited to your penis) to be strong enough to hold the ejaculation. On top of that, you will also need massive amount of your concentration, making the whole love-making session a bit of a chore.
Fortunately, there are other ways to hold your ejaculation and satisfy both you, and your partner. That is to take herbal supplements. Herbal supplements are both safe and effective, making you stay longer and harder in the "game" that will allow you to enjoy the process even more.
Dr Alex Chan
How to Last Longer in Bed - You Can Last Longer and Give Your Girl Orgasms That Will Blow Her Mind!
Surveys show that girls' orgasms take a minimum of 20 minutes. With that in mind, how to last longer in bed becomes an important question for even more people - because, medically speaking, a premature ejaculation is defined as "under five minutes". Which means that even if you don't have a strictly premature ejaculation problem, it might still be impossible to make a girl orgasm for you.
One of the best known methods to last longer in bed are ejaculation delaying sprays. These sprays are anesthetic and will make your penis feel numb - thus prolonging your ejaculation. Unfortunately, a numb penis means that you're not going to get any pleasure from sex at all. Moreover, because you can't feel anything you'll always be looking for getting some pleasure during sex - and this will make your performance worse when unsprayed. And probably the worst thing about those sprays is that the anesthetic passes from your penis to your girl's vagina, and it numbs her too. This beats the main purpose of lasting longer in bed.
But, with the proper exercises, you can prolong your ejaculation healthily:
Extended masturbation: First let's talk about the PC muscle. The PC muscle contracts during physical penile stimulation, and it brings the semen closer to the tip of the penis and finally makes you ejaculate. Now, the method goes like this: You stimulate your penis with your hand, but do not think about sex. That way, you can go on masturbating for hours, but not ejaculate. This is what you exactly need. Since by penile stimulation, whether you think about sex or not, the PC muscle contracts, by extended masturbation you are training your muscle to contract for a long time without ejaculation. And when time for real sex comes, this will make you last longer in bed.
There are exercises for exact control over your PC muscle - and those, combined with different specific exercises you can perform with your hands; can also permanently increase the blood flow to your penis during erection. This will result in your penis getting bigger, and this will mean that you will make your girl reach a quicker orgasm
John Tahler
One of the best known methods to last longer in bed are ejaculation delaying sprays. These sprays are anesthetic and will make your penis feel numb - thus prolonging your ejaculation. Unfortunately, a numb penis means that you're not going to get any pleasure from sex at all. Moreover, because you can't feel anything you'll always be looking for getting some pleasure during sex - and this will make your performance worse when unsprayed. And probably the worst thing about those sprays is that the anesthetic passes from your penis to your girl's vagina, and it numbs her too. This beats the main purpose of lasting longer in bed.
But, with the proper exercises, you can prolong your ejaculation healthily:
Extended masturbation: First let's talk about the PC muscle. The PC muscle contracts during physical penile stimulation, and it brings the semen closer to the tip of the penis and finally makes you ejaculate. Now, the method goes like this: You stimulate your penis with your hand, but do not think about sex. That way, you can go on masturbating for hours, but not ejaculate. This is what you exactly need. Since by penile stimulation, whether you think about sex or not, the PC muscle contracts, by extended masturbation you are training your muscle to contract for a long time without ejaculation. And when time for real sex comes, this will make you last longer in bed.
There are exercises for exact control over your PC muscle - and those, combined with different specific exercises you can perform with your hands; can also permanently increase the blood flow to your penis during erection. This will result in your penis getting bigger, and this will mean that you will make your girl reach a quicker orgasm
John Tahler
Distrust - A Fast But Silent Marriage Killer
Marriage is pleasant when it is consciously shielded from the known marriage killers. One of such killers that I will like to consider today is distrust. Marriage becomes very difficult to sustain in the face of distrust. This is a silent but fast marriage killer and every partner in a marriage must be aware of this if you are interested in saving your marriage. Distrust is like cancer in a marriage; it eats silently into all the structure of the marriage and silently destroys the "immune system" of the relationship and weakens the foundation of the marriage. This makes the relationship to be exposed to the negative effects of other marriage killers.
Sources Of Distrust Unfortunately in most cases it is the behaviour of the couples in the marriage that opens the door to distrust. Distrust comes when partners engage in infidelity and reckless jealousies. When they find it difficult to keep their words and keep simple and sincere promises.
Effect Of Distrust When distrust starts to invade a marriage it becomes difficult for the couples to progress in anything that they must do together. The family starts to operate on doubt and insincerity. It becomes very difficult for the couples to live in harmony, quarrelling becomes very frequent and easily provoked. It becomes difficult for the couples to see things eye to eye. Communication is impaired and it leads easily to fight among the couples. All these start to weaken the relationship until separating becomes inevitable.
How Can Trust Be Restored In Your Marriage Trust, one of the most fundamental factors of unity and progress in a marriage can be restored as follows:
1.Couples must refrain from all forms reckless lies and careless promises that are never fulfilled. No matter how small an issue may be the whole truth must be willingly revealed.
2.All forms of infidelity and unfaithfulness must be stopped. No one can tolerate his/her spouse cheating on him/her. It is a grievous thing to keep an affair outside marriage it is unfair and deadly. Don't even think of it.
3.Try to communicate effectively with your spouse. It is safe to tell your spouse everything that you are involved in, keep nothing away from him/her. Do not nurse any jealousy rather be plain and considerate with your partner.
Peter olu joseph
Sources Of Distrust Unfortunately in most cases it is the behaviour of the couples in the marriage that opens the door to distrust. Distrust comes when partners engage in infidelity and reckless jealousies. When they find it difficult to keep their words and keep simple and sincere promises.
Effect Of Distrust When distrust starts to invade a marriage it becomes difficult for the couples to progress in anything that they must do together. The family starts to operate on doubt and insincerity. It becomes very difficult for the couples to live in harmony, quarrelling becomes very frequent and easily provoked. It becomes difficult for the couples to see things eye to eye. Communication is impaired and it leads easily to fight among the couples. All these start to weaken the relationship until separating becomes inevitable.
How Can Trust Be Restored In Your Marriage Trust, one of the most fundamental factors of unity and progress in a marriage can be restored as follows:
1.Couples must refrain from all forms reckless lies and careless promises that are never fulfilled. No matter how small an issue may be the whole truth must be willingly revealed.
2.All forms of infidelity and unfaithfulness must be stopped. No one can tolerate his/her spouse cheating on him/her. It is a grievous thing to keep an affair outside marriage it is unfair and deadly. Don't even think of it.
3.Try to communicate effectively with your spouse. It is safe to tell your spouse everything that you are involved in, keep nothing away from him/her. Do not nurse any jealousy rather be plain and considerate with your partner.
Peter olu joseph
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