Monday, September 7, 2009

What Are the Secrets to Marriage?

Did you know that you can actually stay married - and did you know that thousands of people have become happier the longer they do it? Of course, many people do not, and end up divorcing, but it was because they didn't set relationship goals, communicate, and re-group.
Indeed, marriage can be just as simple as 1-2-3 and you can find your path to marital bliss, just by dotting your i's, minding your p's and q's, and putting some practical wisdom into practice. These efforts, though they seem small, along with some of your resourcefulness, can be rewarding.
Step 1: Set your relationship goals, with a plan, and love the details! In any relationship, marriage or otherwise, the details are important for you to know. What are your specific actions? Are you going to focus on dating or vacations? Will you date once weekly, or vacation twice per year, or other plans? Will you enlist your spouse with helping to pick out the spots?
How will you involve others in your life that these goals are important to your marriage? What will it take to accomplish these goals? Will you need to hire a back-up babysitter? Do you have the funds? How much of an investment are you willing to put into the marriage? Who else in your circle is willing to invest in your plans?
Look at this as creating your secrets to marriage business plan,. First, be realistic and not judgmental about the things you can do well. If you want to convince your spouse about plans you have for the marriage, find something that makes you passionate. Don't force yourself to be a better wife - just do what you enjoy doing.
Step 2: Communicate! Be creative with the ways you communicate with your spouse - send an Email, write a note, put it on a sticky, tell your spouse's friends, put a letter in the mail, start a chat session. Whatever you do, use all the resources available to you and just communicate.
Give your spouse an endearing nick name. The name should be pleasing to your spouse. Maybe think of characteristic to turn into a name - "Suzy Baker", "Flower", "Sunshine", "Hairy", "Prince Charming". This starts a new phase of communication only between the two of you. Let others know the special names for each other by speaking this way in public. All this builds your marriage bond.
Step 3: Re-group Always do an assessment of how well your plans are working. Come up with an exit plan - no, not exit your marriage. Exit a goal. If a goal does not give you the results you expected, what is your back-up plan? What resources will you need to shift to the back-up plan?
There may also be temporary lull in your marriage as you switch between plans - so be patient, a virtue in the secrets to marriage. Some marriages fail because the spouses can't deal with a temporary stall in plans. Be conscious that your marriage is a work in process and needs an infusion of ideas to get stronger.

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