Appreciation and Bonding With People

There are six basic human needs. They are: certainty, uncertainty, connection and love, personal growth, the need to contribute and significance. Each of these needs have to be filled if a person is to feel complete and whole.
Naturally, the need that is most pressing for anyone is the need that it not met. In a great majority of the cases, that unfulfilled need is the need for significance. The needs to feel important, that we matter, that we are somebody. People will go to any length to fill that need. And, if we can help people to fulfill that need, not only will it make us feel good, it can also create very strong bonds of friendship and goodwill.
Now, before another word is said about how we can benefit by helping someone else to fulfill a need it must be clearly stated that what we are talking about here is character ethic and not shallow manipulations. If the focus and intent of our actions is to sincerely contribute by helping someone to fulfill a need, we are on the path of a win/win situation.
On the other hand, if we are simply trying to manipulate someone by using clever tactics, sooner or later, the lack of sincerity will shine through and the whole thing will be exposed and fall apart. There is no substitute for integrity and nothing can replace sincerity.
The very best way that we can help someone fulfill the need for significance is though appreciation. Honest and sincere appreciation will always touch a person's heart. Sometimes a simple "thank you" or "congratulation for a job well done" will be enough to light a person's whole day.
There is nothing as needed and wanted as recognition. That is especially true with people who are near and dear to us. Because we are polite, we are quick to thank strangers. But what about the people that we spend most of our time with? Usually they are taken for granted. Why should that be?
As the proverb says, "As you sow so shall you reap." That is also true with appreciation and recognition. We get what we give - most of the time. Some people may feel uneasy about giving some appreciation. Those are the ones who need it the most.
Now, if we, ourselves, want to be appreciated, that can best be done by being interested rather than by being interesting. In other words, it is the attention that we give to other and not the attention that we attract to ourselves that will be truly appreciated.
Deep down, every one has this need to feel important. That is a genetic need that was implanted in the core of man's makeup in prehistoric times when belonging to the clan meant survival. That impulse is still with us and it is still as strong as ever.
A child will go to incredible length to attract attention and get that feeling of significance. Some children will even go as far as hurting themselves to get it. Sadly, some adults have never evolved from that stage. A mature individual still needs to fulfill the need for significance however will not seek it through self-destructive means.
Success in life depends very much on our capacity to bond with people. It is by bonding with people that we get acceptance and cooperation. That bonding can best be done by being genuinely interested in others and one of the best ways to do that is by being appreciative. Sometimes a smile or a simple nod will do it. A small price to pay for all the satisfaction that it brings.

Raymond comeau