Thursday, July 9, 2009

Does he want to be just friends?Here's what to do

Too many women make this deadly mistake with men. If a man tells you he wants "space" or wants a "break" or would rather not continue dating, do not agree to be friends with him if you still have feelings for him and start to act like his pal by calling him often, being a shoulder to cry on or hanging out with him like one of the boys.
Only remain friends when you have worked through the feelings you have for him. If you still have feelings for him, it wont buy you a pass into his heart. It will just continue to decrease his attraction for you.
It won't make him suddenly get that you're such a wonderful person and he should be with you. Too many women lie to themselves because they are trying to keep a "connection" alive through the "friends" backdoor.
When someone wants to walk away or rejects you, it shifts the balance of power in the relationship. Leave an open door but do not use the friends card to keep yourself in his "space."
Men can compartmentalize. For a man, being friends means just that. But then it could also switch for him to having a little benefits on the side because you're so nice and such a good person. Meanwhile, you are not hard-wired to compartmentalize. If you love him and agree to have sex with him, you'll hope for or want a relationship. This wont be the same for him. Men think differently.
You may walk away getting your feelings hurt and he'll walk away feeling that he just had some great sex with a wonderful woman who happens to be just "friends". You've given him the benefit at the expense of your emotions. He got what he wanted and you didn't. Do you see why I said earlier that you are not on the same playing field?
The best thing you can do for yourself if you still have feelings for a man is to STOP being his friend and start being YOUR friend. "Friends" wont ever work to make him want to commit to you. Never. When you stop being his friend, you have a far better chance of triggering the feelings of attraction in him

Nicole Gayle

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