I know a number of people in relationships, married and single who all seem to have problems communicating with their significant other. I do believe there is a learning curve when dealing with another person. You have to learn quite a few things about someone in order to effectively communicate with them. I have found couples reading books, seeking counseling and other methods in hopes to better their relationships. But I have to wonder, do we really know what it means to communicate with our significant other. Communication is more than just stating how you feel about a problem or situation. Here are some ways that helped me to be able to communicate effectively with my husband.
Communication is more than talking
The above statement seems silly to say, but do we really understand that. I remember earlier in our relationship as long as I was able to say what I needed to say I felt that I communicated with my husband. But communication is more than just talking. Ask yourself a question. Do I listen to what my partner has to say? At one point I noticed that what I had to say was very important because it was my thoughts and how the situation affected me and once I was able to tell my husband my view I really didn't need to hear anything else. His view may have been different, but I really didn't care to understand it or even entertain it too much because my point was important and most valuable to me. However, I had to realize that his point and view was just as important to him as it was to me. So what do you do? Do you both just allow the other person to state their opinion, view, or point and that's it, you simply just move on? No, because that hasn't solved anything. Each party has to be will to give, entertain, understand, and sometimes adapt or include their partner's ideas. By doing this is doesn't make you less than who you are it just broadens your views and allows you to really understand and see the other person's point.
Pay attention to nonverbal communication
Nonverbal communication is very important. In fact most of our communication is non verbal, however, in the midst of an issue, listening to non verbal communication can go out the window. I had to ask myself the following questions in order to see if I was paying attention to all of what my husband was telling me. Do I listen to what my partner didn't say? Do I listen to my partner's body language? What is my body language telling my partner? I found that at times I wasn't listening to his body language. His body language, eyes, hands were giving me cues as to what was making him uncomfortable, when he was confused, or letting me know I was simply crazy and he really doesn't know why I'm so mad. We talk in different ways, with our eyes, hands, the way we stand, and do we take this into consideration when having a discussion? I know I didn't but since then, I learned how to talk to him, he learned how to talk to me, therefore allowing us to better understand each other.
Societal and/or Family Differences
Have you ever wondered why your husband did the things he did or how could he even think in such a way? I did and still do at times over and over again. I have realized that our social and/or family differences play an extremely important part in communication. Gender difference is one of the reasons why we think differently, however there are other factors that play into it as well. My husband is his mother's first child, I'm the baby of my family. That plays a part in how we communicate or how we act towards each other. I come from a big family, it was just him and his brother and mom. Even the environment that we grew up in was different. All of these items play a huge part in the ability to understand where your partner is coming from and how the two of you talk to each other or get your point across.
These are just a few items that we all should take into consideration when communicating with our partner. Some may say I am being passive or giving an excuse for not standing my ground or speaking up. That is not the case at all. There is a way to effectively stand your ground and speak up without having chaos and turmoil in your household. Marriage is about making your household work and depending on what type of environment you want to live. All marriages have ups and downs, but how do you deal with your downs so you can continue to have ups
Felicia Ellis
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