Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling like you have known that person forever? At one time or another, we have felt that instant connection. Whether the connection is personal or in a business setting, we sometimes wonder why we felt the way we did.
Some people have the innate ability to connect with people instantaneously. Call it karma or luck, we all can learn a simple technique to uncover the mystery of instant connection.
To illustrate the power of instant connection, let's learn by example.
THE SHOT: You are standing beside your Honda Accord speaking to a friend in front of your gym. Your wearing an old 1998 concert t-shirt that list all the tour dates for the band. Your car's license plate is from North Carolina with a University of Florida (U.F.) bumper sticker. On your left hand is an engagement ring.
As you are in conversation, your friend introduces you to another person as they approach you. You shake his or her hand and after a two minute conversation they walk away. You feel like you have known them forever. Why is that? What did he or she do to make such a deep connection?
THE PREMISE: Do you like when people tactfully and tastefully ask you about yourself or share something common? Let's be honest, we like to talk about ourselves or at least share with others our experience, background and interest. There are many books and studies that say that to connect with others, we should listen more than we talk. Why? Because when the other person is talking, they feel important, validated or respected since someone is actually LISTENING!
THE CONNECTION:
In "The SHOT", how would you connect instantaneously if you were the one approaching the vehicle? It's simple!
Your goal as you approach the car is to immediately analyze the scene. Here is the step by step:
1. Search for obvious clues.
a. In "The SHOT", the potential connector clues could be:
• Honda
• 1998 concert t-shirt
• University of Florida tag
• At the gym parking lot
• Car tag from North Carolina
• Engagement ring
b. When searching for clues, don't be obvious. Like a camera, take a snap shot of the scene in your head as a point of reference while in conversation.
2. Introduce yourself with grace and humble confidence.
a. Make eye contact, extend your hand and offer a firm handshake.
b. While you shake hands, say your name and say their name back followed by: "It's a pleasure meeting you Amanda".
c. As you are shaking hands and introducing each other, you are mentally connecting the observed clues with your life experience. Find at least three (3) connector clues between you and the newly introduced individual.
3. Match three (3) connector clues and weave your conversation.
As the hand shake ends, you immediately connect. Here are my three (3) connector clues in play:
• CLUE 1: ENGAGEMENT RING: If I were in the above SHOT, I would immediately disarm and say: "What a beautiful engagement ring, I just got engaged two months ago, when did you?" This comment disarms the women because she doesn't feel threatened since I mentioned I was engaged. At the same time she feels connected because we are both in similar situations. Allow that conversation to take its course but quickly thread into Clue 2.
• CLUE 2: U.F./CONCERT T-SHIRT: You observed that one of the tour dates on the t-shirt says Gainesville in 1998. Combining the t-shirt and the UF bumper sticker, there is a good chance that she attended UF and the concert in Gainesville. Since I went to U.F. but didn't attend the concert, I would say, "I tried so hard to attend that concert while at UF but I was out of town." This comment subtly tells her that I went to U.F. and like that band. I could almost bank on the fact that she will immediately talk about how much fun the concert was or make a positive comment about U.F.
• CLUE 3: GYM: The final clue would be to simply tie in the gym as I say good bye. My exit would be something like this: "Amanda, it was great meeting you. Good luck at the gym, it's packed in there! Have fun with the wedding planning and Go Gators". This simple sentence tied in all three clues as an exit statement. This is a VERY powerful exit comment and guaranteed to make her feel that she has known you forever.
Why is making an instant connection relevant? It's everything! What happens when you find out that Amanda is a local business banker at a community bank when you apply for a business loan or she is the director of human resources for a company that you are applying for a job? Who do you think will have the better chance of getting that loan or job? Guaranteed that you will!
Never underestimate the power of connection. Practice the technique above and if applied correctly, it will yield short term and long term results you never thought possible.
Gil Sanchez esq
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