Establishing a friendship with an ex boyfriend may be easy, but keeping it going will eventually be difficult. There are many factors, both internal and external, that will work to pull such a friendship apart. Being friends after having been in an intimate relationship almost never works, and the reasons are many. Below you'll find just some of the forces that are working against you when you try to be friends with your ex:
You Still Love Him - If your relationship ended before you wanted it to, chances are you're still in love with your ex boyfriend. Because of this, you might've taken him up on the offer when he said "let's just be friends". Although it seemed like a good idea at the time, in the end it's only destined to hurt you. Caring about him is one thing, but wanting to rekindle a relationship? That's quite another. Most girls trying to be friends with an ex are only hoping that if they stick it out long enough... eventually their ex will want them back. Don't get caught up in this downward spiral. If you really do want to win back your boyfriend, there are ways of going about it that won't leave you stuck in the "Friend Zone".
You Start Dating Someone Else - Even if you're maintaining a healthy friendship with your ex boyfriend, that's all going to come crashing down the minute you start dating someone new. First, there's the chance this will make your ex jealous. He'll resent you for having moved on, even though he'll outwardly smile and pretend to be happy for you. Second, imagine how your new boyfriend feels? Is he going to approve of you seeing and hanging out with someone you've dated, slept with, and known so intimately? Of course not. Which means you'll dump your ex's friendship - causing a huge rift between you - or you'll go against your new boyfriend's wishes, dooming your new relationship before it can even get started.
Your Ex is Dating Someone Else - In a reverse of the above scenario, try to imagine your ex boyfriend meeting and dating another girl. He's spending less time with you, and more with her. He starts blowing you off, and your friendship dwindles. Now imagine the dirty looks you'd get from his new girlfriend every time you were around. What happens from there? Do you see him secretly, as a friend, without her knowing? That seems shady, even for friendship. If it feels wrong, then it probably is wrong. To say nothing of the jealousy you'll feel once your ex starts dates someone new... and you're left single again.
Your Ex Wants to Sleep With You - Or you him. Sex with your ex-boyfriend might seem like harmless fun, but what's going to happen eventually is someone is going to get hurt. There's no such thing as a clean break: one person will always want the other person just a little bit (or a lot!) more. That person will end up being the one who feels used, hurting the friendship and the relationship. You can't be friends with your ex and still have sex. Maybe you can for a while, but in the end it's going to lead to problems. Especially if one or both of you end up meeting someone new... and secretly continue your "friendship". That's just not going to work.
So in the end, the question remains: Can you be friends with your ex after a break up? Not if you still love him. And not if he still loves you. If you're trying to get back with your ex-boyfriend, don't substitute friendship for the long-term relationship you really would like to have. Instead, go for it. Work toward winning your boyfriend back. Take the initial steps toward reconciliation, and put yourself out on a limb. No matter what type of situation you're dealing with, there is always a way back into his heart.
Anthony Malibu
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